No bloody idea what to do re. sleep. Don't know where to start.

[BreeVDKamp]

DS is only 3 months old but his sleep seems to be getting worse. I want him to be able to self-settle - I guess he's too young for this? But how can I lay the foundation for it?

Please please please someone point me in the direction of a book or website that will help me create a perfect sleeper! all the websites I've found just link to articles you have to pay for, and there is always one review on Amazon that totally puts me off any book - apparently one well-renowned book suggests holding you baby's mouth shut to stop him crying

I was a terrible terrible sleeper, vividly remember the frustration and despair I felt for the first maybe 14 years of my life when I just could NOT fall asleep. I feel so stressed now about DS' sleep that I have a lump in my throat every evening and haven't done bedtime for a while. We do bath, breastfeed, bottle (on top ups), then I slink away and make dinner and DH puts DS to bed. Usually he puts him down drowsy and strokes him until he's asleep, then he'll usually have to pop back up 3 or 4 times to put his dummy back in but he would generally sleep until we go to bed. That doesn't work for me, I try but end up feeding him in our bed. This last week DS has been waking up every hour or so through the evening, whereas before would sleep from about 8 to 11pm.

DS' bedtime in the week realistically is about 8:30pm, as otherwise DH would never see him (if he leaves work at 5:30 (rare) he gets home at 7:30), so then our evenings are short and precious! DH is home for bedtime about 50% of the time, so when he's not there I just feed him to sleep in our bed

We have started co-sleeping as he was such a grunter in his cot. I am worried about how to stop co-sleeping though as I don't want a toddler in my bed, kicking me all night. I want to keep using his cot at least for part of the night so he stays used to it.

Daytime naps - I have started feeding him to sleep on our bed so I can sneak away easily, and he sleeps anywhere between 30-90 mins which is good. Much better than holding him as I used to and him waking up at any jostle.
Doesn't really sleep well in pushchair as any slight bump wakes him up. Screams the minute the car engine starts.
He'll probably have one long nap (90 mins) and 2 or 3 catnaps in the day. Does not equal the 5 hour's daytime sleep I've read 3 month olds need :-s

I want to have a plan or some knowledge that I have stored away for the future when it's appropriate to sleep train. I want to try controlled crying etc as a last resort and start with gentler stuff. But how do I help DS self-settle? He just cries unless held at the moment so wouldn't that just end up as cry-it-out?

And I am a jibbering wreck at the thought of the 4-month sleep regression!!

I can hear the monitor going off now, oh no! :(

Sorry this is so long and I know I sound insane!!

He's still tiny, I would try not to worry too much.

I worried for months about DS's sleep. We did everything 'right' with him (put him in his cot awake etc etc). Ended up with evenings of tears, and wakeful nights for at least 2 years.

I fed DD to sleep on my bed and co-slept for the first 8 months of her life, held her for most of her naps until she was about 5 months old, she is now 16 months old and sleeps much better than DS did at her age.

I think they just sort it out for themselves, sooner or later.

I'm sorry, that doesn't give you any actual practical advice.

I agree with beela, he is still so young and his sleeping patterns will be a bit all over the place for a while.

you're better off Just trying to encourage a good sleep and let him sort it out in his own time.

my ds1 slept 7-7 at 9 weeks old and
I have a nearly two month old ds now who sleeps a maximum of 2 hours at a time usually at night. All babies are Different we just have to make the environment as good as we can to aid sleep. I usually play a white noise app on my phone all night on quiet so when he wakes up he can drift back off to sleep easily (it helps me too!) Also use a red light bulb as it's less stimulating and wont wake them up too much whilst feeding. I know it's tough but he will sleep longer when he's ready.

Don't get worked up about a so called 4 m sleep regression they don't all go through this I've got 3 dc and I've never heard of it til I came on mn!
You say he settles better for your dh is he more relaxed with him if your already anxious before bedtime your baby maybe picking up on this.
Don't worry about co sleeping (as long as your doing it safely) at this stage do whatever you need to do to get some rest and sleep.
I feel your worrying too much about how he'll sleep in the future and about situations that haven't happened yet. Forget all that take each night as it comes if he's settled easy in his cot one night then happy days if it means some nights you need to co sleep then so be it.
I know it's tough not spending the evenings with your dh but it's only for a short time as baby gets older it will get easier and you've got years ahead of you that you'll get your evenings back.

But how do I help DS self-settle?

Give him a dummy.

One of the simplest of the gentle, no-cry sleep solutions. After the first 6 weeks, the later you introduce a dummy the less effective it is.

Ah thanks everyone. I just want to set good habits in motion. I know I am projecting my own sleep stressed though.

FATE He's had a dummy since day 5 of life!