Pick Up Put Down not working

[gizmosmama]

Sleep has never been my DS's strong point, he'd still never slept through at 12mo so I started the pick up put down method. It made a massive difference, DS started sleeping through, all be it not every night. I kind of left it at that really, just glad that it worked some nights. But now (at 18mo) the sleeping through nights are getting fewer and further between.
Also, the bedtime part has gradually regressed from where I was only going in a couple of times to now I go in and out none stop for half an hour.
Anyone else experienced sleep training wearing off even though you're still following the programme?
My DH thinks it's rubbish anyway as he says it's teaching him to cry because I go in when he cries and leave him when he's quiet and I must say I see his point. The trouble is, I don't want to leave him to cry. Anyone had any success with any other gentle sleep training methods?
I'm just at a loss as to what to do from here.

Hello giz. Watching with interest - I've just posted something almost identical!

There comes a point when PUPD is too stimulating - it is generally for smaller babies really.

I would just settle in the cot with words or a hand on the back - there, there type thing. My favourite is always 'its okay, it's just time for bed now'

I don't think you're "teaching him to cry"... He's calling out for you because he needs you, surely. If you're not comfortable leaving him to cry, don't

I would lie him down in the bed if he is sitting up, pat or rub his back gently a few times and exit...repeat as necessary. Picking him up is over stimulating and not necessary now he understands words and simple instructions.

Crying does not always mean he needs you...it does mean he wants you which is not quite the same thing.

Sorry I should have said how we're doing it. We did start off with literally picking up and putting down but moved onto just laying him down and then onto where he didn't even stand up and I just shhh patted. Now he stops crying as soon as I go in the room, so I just put my hand on his back and say "shhh sleepy time" then walk out again. I guess it's now just the method of going in when he cries and then leaving him to go to sleep on his own that I'm following.

Have a set of three phrases that you use max! Hush now, night night, bedtime now, for example. When I became a robot of calm repetitive boredom my boy soon quit wanting me!

PUPD never worked for us, we tried it when dd was a baby. She simply became more and more worked up.
In the end we did cc, at around 10 months, and that worked much better.

"Crying does not always mean he needs you...it does mean he wants you which is not quite the same thing."
Exactly.
Only you can decide what's best for your child. There's no right or wrong approach. If something is simply making it worse, try an alternative. Whether that's leaving a child to cry for increasingly longer periods (I'm talking 2mins etc not 20 mins...) or co-sleeping, whatever works for you and your dh.

Personally I think its healthy for an 18 mth old to feel secure and safe in their own room/bed and to understand that's their personal sleep space. Dd is very protective of her bed, only she and certain favoured teddies are allowed in it, I'm happy she likes it so much!

Is he really crying or moaning. Moaning and giving out is just how my ds gets to sleep. Always has done (he's 26 months now). He's not really crying as such though - or at least, sometimes he is but there's a notable difference in tone and we go in when he does cry. If he's just giving out a bit we leave him and he nods off.

Hmmm interesting that there's lots of 'what kind of a cry is it?' I don't really differentiate, I just go straight in when there is a noise! Maybe I should be only going to 'I need you' cries and listening out for the moans and 'I want you' cries. Thank you everyone.

It's definitely a trick worth learning! When DS was small enough to still be sleeping in with us I used to wake and pick him up at every noise. I slowly learned that he actually cries out in his sleep a lot. He still does it, often when he is kind of awake but not fully. He'll settle himself back to sleep but if I go in, he fully wakes up and then it takes ages for him to go back to sleep and he wants me there.

I never did controlled crying or CIO methods - not for me - but learning which 'cries' aren't really calls for you is different. Good luck. It'll take a bit of time!