5mo old pathologically hates bedtime!

[KimKarTrashian]

Arrrghhh!! So... Any words of wisdom would be great!
DD (first baby) is now approaching 5 months old and is a nightmare to settle, this has been an issue since the first month and I assumed it would improve but it hasn't.
If we're 'lucky' we can feed her to sleep.... Though on nights like tonight as she approaches the end of the bottle she goes inconsolably nuts in anticipation of bedtime - it took 2 hours this evening ð???ð??« and a combination of DP and I taking it in turns to rock/walk/sing to/pacify her enough to eventually fall asleep exhausted.
I spoke to a 'gentle' sleep trainer last week about feeding her to sleep (as latterly this was the issue and we could at least settle her this way) who suggested it could be attachment issues or tongue tie related given feeding issues very early on... So we started to give her the bottle pre bath (we have a pretty solid routine in place) and then to rock her to sleep to remove the feeding association however she hates being held and won't be soothed in her cot. She also won't settle in a sling which was her other suggestion...
Indeed since we tried these techniques and well and truely wound her up a few nights running she's now regressed back to being absolutely impossible to settle again so am scared these techniques have solved nothing and actually made the situation worse! She seems to be totally terrified of bedtime and nothing works.
Sorry this is rambling.... Any insight would be great, has anyone experienced this or found a solution? I am going back to work next month and the thought of coming home to this after 12 hours in the office is terrifying!
Annoyingly bought the millpond book on Amazon and the crucial pages were missing just to compound issues?!!!

Fate- sorry perhaps reading too much ;-) but re separation anxiety I thought the foundations for object permanence had to be in place for this to happen. Given its been going on a long while I assumed too early, even perhaps now at 5mo...

My first had silent reflux and it does sound similar. That said for dc2 excessive thumb sucking and irritability is a sign she is over tired.

When you say she isn't hungry has she always been a bit on off on off when feeding?
Are you mix feeding?

Afternoon Kim, I hope you're night was better.

Maybe separation anxiety would be the wrong term. It is entirely normal for a baby, no matter how young, to want/need your presence when asleep. It helps a baby, no matter how small, to feel safe, secure and comforted when going to sleep.

I think mostly the problem here is that you are over-thinking things and worrying needlessly about things that will sort themselves out more easily if you chilled out.

If bedtime has become a stressful experience for everyone - then what is happening now needs to be completely changed. Even just a couple of weeks relaxing and not worrying about any aspect of bedtime (time, routine etc) will help re-set things at this age.

Then by all means pick up where you left off with regards to the bedtime structure you want, once the stress in the whole situation is removed.

Remember that if nothing changes, then nothing will change. You need to be flexible. Bedtime as it is isn't working - so do it differently.

Relax and enjoy your still very tiny baby.

Ok! So, slightly at wits end! Apologies for going dark last night. After our 2 hour bedtime battle she woke up at 10:40 and didn't go back to sleep until 7 this morning ! Entire night was spent trying to placate her to no avail! At 5am DH and I left the house and went to McDonald's(!) which was only thing open and eventually she fell asleep.

Long story short, we tried to keep her to regular timings today but she's obviously been (over) tired and thus tonight was always been a non starter! Went nuts again and wouldn't feed at all we finally capitulated and took her out in sling as there was literally no other way to settle her, and having fallen asleep, and put her in cot. 5 mins later she's screaming again so we are now sitting with her (calm at least!) having a drink.

Nice.... And now the routine is well and truely mixed up but doesn't really solve our issues! The only good thing is I now feel that DH has recognised there is an issue which he wouldn't before and will support me getting some more help, the HV has referred me to an NHS sleep advisor (who knew!), so will speak to her tomorrow....but if that fails think I will need to find someone else to help as really not coping on my own in combatting this ...

Purple- having convinced myself last night it was reflux (and def going to get medical opinion on it) am now not convinced! That said to reinforce we shouldn't be judging her on tonight as I really think she was unavoidably overtired.

On subject of naps btw, she has 2 very good ones in the morning and at lunch but 3pm-6pm she's awake, does this feel too long? My only issue is firstly settling her for these alone is a nightmare too as mentioned, and with a third (given she doesn't nap on the go generally) I will literally be housebound (which sounds selfish but not unreasonable of me to want to leave the house i hope...).

Mega ramble here but needed to vent somewhat... TIA for the ongoing help!

One thing - last nights performance was totally isolated(I pray) and big poo related which woke her up, no clue what caused the angst all night and indeed it does feel like everything is unravelling right now but hope this won't be an ongoing issue to contend with... She says with all fingers and toes crossed!

The irony is (aware am just basically blogging to myself here...) I would KILL to be able to feed her to sleep right now... Haha

Kim - You are doing great

Have you tried a dummy?

Also - do you own a bouncy chair?

I'd recommend the Fisher Price one (remove the pay arch), you can foot bounce while sitting on the sofa. Great for daytime sleep.

Regular, structured daytime sleeping and feeding will sort this out.

play arch, not pay arch.

Fate- thank you! Having got her to sleep she's just this minute going for it again- DH up there now. will definitely take a look at her daytime routine, it's trial and error I guess we did insert a nap closer to bedtime before but didn't resolve matters.
Zero issue at all with using a dummy (though haven't til now) but she screams to the extent it just falls out! The distressing thing is there is currently no way of consoling her so little surprise we both feel a bit inadequate! Earlier we resorted to going to local park to use swings as bouncer and rocker at home no good though the fisher price tip sounds like a good one...
On subject of which I need to go and sort this out...

We quite often used swings for naps (have a baby one in the garden). Is there a door version you could get?

With dc2 we find we just have to let her cry when she gets like that. being there just keeps her awake and she gets more hysterical. So check nappy and see if she is hungry and then we have the radio on and let her cry. She normally drops off in a min or so once we leave her.

I recorded a 30 second clip of the sound of me sleepy-breathing/semi-snoring and set that to play on a continuous loop whilst I snuck out. It worked sometimes. We had a long phase of 2hour screaming being just part of the normal bedtime routine. Eventually cracked it using the techniques in The Baby Whisperer - and I concluded then that we had been doing far too much story and song and a lot of what we thought was soothing was actually stimulating and part of the problem - but every child is different and you may or may not stumble upon something that works bit what works for one or even lots is never guaranteed to work for all.

My daughter always hated bedtime but she's now 21 months and for the 2-3 months says 'night night' rolls over and goes to sleep. We just kept the routine going and eventually it clicked.

Just had a sudden thought - are you sure she doesn't have colic? When my son was tiny he suffered from dreadful colic in the evenings which produced a couple of hours of crying where we couldn't console him. This gives some of the indications: www.wikihow.com/Tell-if-Your-Baby-Has-Colic