Desperate with 15mo

[ilovetosleep]

Ds2 has never slept well. He has never slept through and wakes 3-5 times for bf every night. I have tried not feeding, I have tried upping calories in the day, I have tried cosleeping. He won't feed lying down either. He has dropped all but one daytime feed. He is dairy free and won't drink any alternatives. Last night dh went to him and cuddled and tried to settle, didn't leave him to cry at all, and he screamed hysterically for 1.5 hours until I eventually gave up and went in to feed him. He then woke twice more before morning. I am on my knees. I don't know if it is separation anxiety or teething or what. He settled ok at bedtime without a feed and within 15 mins with dh sat by cot, no intervention. It is just the nights and I don't know what to do anymore. I need to night wean, I just don't know how. Dh said if I hadn't gone in at 3 am this morning e would not have gone back to sleep til morning. He wants to try again tonight but think it's pointless, now we have sent the message that if he screams long enough dh will come and get me. Sorry this is all incoherent I am on my phone and am just too tired to compose myself let a lone this post :( I can't do cc. I just can't. I don't know what to do.

Crikey you wake them up?! I will read the link, thanks, never heard of that crazy technique before! Great that it worked though. How old were your kids when you did it?

Waking them up is hard (setting the alarm endless times per night took some will power). But it means that when they wake up, they have a consistent response: shushing, patting, etc, but never a feed. Because you've already fed them several times you'll know that they won't be hungry, so will be able to sush and pat without that worry. We found that DH doing the sushing worked much better than me.

I can't quite remember how old DD was, about 10-12 months I think, but she was over 1 year before we dropped the dream feed. We did it slowly and there wasn't a single tear. It was amazing. DS was 6-8 months, that was harder, I think partially because he was younger and partially because he kept getting colds from DD so we kept putting the night weaning on hold.

Sorry, haven't had time to read the whole thread, so apologies if this had already been suggested....

A breakthrough for us was just going in and lying beside his cot as soon as he woke. We wouldn't take him out, wouldn't offer a feed, but put our hands through to soothe etc (which were usually pushed out in anger). He did cry hideously but it was an angry cry because he wasn't getting his own way. He was furious but never felt abandoned or stressed at being left (because we were there all the time). Knowing it was an angry cry rather than anxiety made all the difference to us. We lay there for hours every time but it had a huge effect within days. Also, we used a dummy - does he take one? Hope it all improves soon.

Needaninsight it is naive to think that babies/toddlers sleeping habits are influenced only by the behaviour/methods of parents. Some children just don't sleep well. You sound like you have been lucky. I'd bet money on the fact that your two would have been good sleepers in their own time without the cc.

OP, we tried something similar to shush pat (and also reducing length of feeds and waking to feed rather than feeding when he woke). It has kind of worked, we still have periods of awful sleep, but in general there is a big improvement. My DS is 17months and I was on my knees with exhaustion at 9 months. I would say that you need to give whichever method you go with at least 5 nights to determine if it is working. You have my every sympathy, it is so tough.

Good luck tonight, OP.

Hi op. I hope my post is relatively helpful as I was in the same boat as you. A bf baby at that age is very different from a younger baby so the advice you may hear about cc is jot really relevant. I know that at 15 mo my dd still bf several times in the night and it must have been bothering me at that point because I tried to get her to fall asleep in her cot without bf, for three nights in a row, it was a disaster.

Some children just don't settle for anything less than the good stuff aren't they clever?!?

Anyway, I didn't know what to do but knew that I didn't want her to cry and knew it was just too soon for her.

She was night weaned by 18 mo, I couldn't tell you I did a specific method or thing, I just think that there was a bit of a push from me which was met by a growing level of comprehension from her. I just started saying 'not now, mummy's tired' or 'milk is sleeping, have milk in the morning when you wake up' and she sometimes accepted that and went to sleep, if she didn't then I fed her. Over time she was no longer waking up.

Who knows if it was what I said (which was genuine by the way, I really did get to the point I was too tired) or whether it would have happened regardless. But there was no magic solution just a gradual process with no crying.

I hope things get better for you, it is truly awful to be sleep deprived for so long.

Hi Op. I can imagine how you're feeling. My ds was similar at 14 months when I decided something had to change and I tried a very gentle form of CC. I only let him cry for 1 minute at a time and stayed with him until calm before leaving again. Once he started to respond to this I upped it to 2 minutes and so on. I never needed to go beyond 5 minutes. The first night was rough, I won't lie. About 2 hours before he slept. But night 2 was significantly better and on night 3 he slept through. With the exception of illness, at nearly 3 he's slept through every night since. He was always a lovely calm baby/toddler during the day but really struggled to be away from boob in the night. Wouldn't tolerate DH at all at night. I'm currently in the process of using the same method with 8 mo dd. She's a very different baby and has been much harder to get through it and much, much more attached to the boob. Good luck OP, what ever method you choose will be hard, but worth it in the end

Hi OP, how has it been going? I have a bf 15month old who also goes to sleep in the day/at bedtime without a feed but if she wakes at night only bf will do. She wakes 1-3 times so nothing as difficult as you've had but I can understand your distress. We won't do CC either- not because I think it's harmful but I personally couldn't deal with her distress.

I can't see how Jay Gordon's method would even work for us as she loves breastfeeding so much. So I don't have any useful advice, but I have sympathy! If you want an online partner to trial a gentle night weaning method with we can try do it together! Also I suggest your DP takes the children at the weekend to allow you sleep a few hours.