How to Get Baby off to Sleep Without Feeding

[Purp]

Top tips needed please. DD is six and a half months old. At the moment, for her am and pm naps I breastfeed her in bed and she (usually) goes to sleep. Soon I shall be stopping the daytime breastfeeds and I am worried about how she will go to sleep.

With her bedtime feed, I feed her in a chair in her room and she will stir while I move her and put her into our bed and she usually is happy to go off to sleep so I know she can do it.

I read on these boards about people saying,"Oh yeah I put him down at about 9am and he sleeps for about an hour" and I think, oh how do you do that?! Of course I can tell when dd gets tired but it will seem wierd to just put her in bed, or in the cot, just cold like that. When I have tried to feed her in the daytime in a chair and then disturbed her by putting her in the cot, she has woken more and not gone back to sleep, even if I leave her in the cot while I do a few things upstairs.

I know people say don't rely on feeding to sleep because this will happen but it has been a great way to ensure daytime naps up until now. I'd really appreciate some tips on the changeover though.

I find ds sleeps now he has got used to a routine.

We go into the bedroom and I make it dark, have a little cuddle, tell him its time to sleep.
He has a 'grobag' so once he is in that he knows it is bedtime rather than just a playtime and it helps him feel secure.

At the start he would cry, so we did controlled crying - leaving him a few minutes, going back in giving him a cuddle, putting him back, leaving him again. Gradually the number of times we needed to go in to him reduced, until he learnt to get himself to sleep.

I wouldnt worry about getting into bad habits with the sleeping during feeding. You need to find your own routine that suits you and dd and it sounds like so far you're doing great.

Not the greatest advice - but hope it helps.

Thanks Art. DD has a grobag too, they're great aren't they? I was hoping there was a magic solution that wouldn't involve her crying! How long did it take before your ds went to sleep by himself and how old was he?

Purp have you tried putting her to bed awake, giving her a teddy and talking to her - face against face very soothingly ??? That's what I do with my daughter and she never cries when I put her to bed. It may take 3 to 5 minutes (sometimes 30 seconds) but I like that close contact, she smiles back and pull my hair (in a way I take it to mean... stay a while longer mummy!)

Ooh Pupuce that sounds good. I know in the night when she wakes, she can go back to sleep quite quickly if I hug her tightly while she is lying down so your face trick might work too. Do you mean nose to nose?! Or cheek to cheek? I'm going to try that tomorrow as a practice run. Thanks. (I must say I was hoping you would suggest something as you seem to have sleeping sussed with your two.)

Purp, You need a little routine. My DD is 6 1/2 mths and we have had the same routine for ever. Darkened room, over the shoulder, soft talking - final burps. Place in sleeping bag, play the ellie the elephant tune, zip the bag, kiss, nite, nite, bye bye wave and out. She used to cry a bit and wake up after 40 minutes and then resettle but not any more. Sleeps from 7pm until I wake her up at 7am. (And yes a GF baby).

Reager I agree, a routine is good and I've started one for evenings but what about in the day? It's the daytime naps that concern me at the moment. I guess you could still do the darkened room, sleeping bag bit and Pupuce's face trick but there's not so much to do to lead up to a daytime nap is there?

I would agree with all of these ideas. My ds is in a routine at 5 mnths, so he's used to getting off to sleep by himself. Even so - when he was waking at 4am, not through hunger, I went through everything until someone told me that I hadn't really helped him to go to sleep by himself. I used to hold him until he was really off, and would only stir when he went in his cot, as you mentioned. The trouble with that is, as I'm sure you've found, in the night when he woke he couldn't help himself back off to sleep. I think when I put him in the growbag it is a great signal for him that it's sleep time, then I read him a story (always the same one) with the lights low. Then we sit in the dark room with the door ajar for some light, and I either hold him close and / or sing to him for a few minutes. I offer him a dummy then (the only time he uses it), but often he takes it out and twirls it around trying to put it back in (very cute)He also paws at my face (my hair is too short to grab, pupuce!). When he turns his head to the side, in to my body, I know that's his signal that he's ready to sleep. I put him down and walk out. I must admit, it was weird to think at first that he would just drop off, but after a few days checking on him after 10 mins I realised that he did. What you need is to be constant, always the same type of thing in the same order where possible, and confident that if she needs to sleep, she will. Personally, I found thumb sucking a huge bonus From what I've read now is a good time to get her in this habit. leave it much later and you may have loads more problems. So good on you for identifying it before it becomes a problem

Cheek to cheek but it could be nose to nose...
I keep my kids as calm as possible before they have to go to bed (not always easy). There is a lot to be said for YOUR OWN confidence. I am a big believer that babies percieve your worries and if you do not look like you are sure of what you are doing they will pick that up...
So when you do put her down for a daytime nap, make it very cuddly but "firm"... this does not in anyway remove any love but it does remove uncertainty.
If she cries, stay behind the door and if you want to go back in, give her a cuddle, hug, a bit of cheeck to cheeck and leave again 2 minutes later... This isn't CC.
IME she might cry a bit but a lot of the times, mums are surprised at how little she cries 2 or 3 minutes (even less) but these can be long minutes if you are not used to it.
Good luck

Wow thanks everyone. I have just managed to put dd in her cot for a morning nap for the first time ever!! I did a variety of the suggestions - darkened room, sleeping bag, cheek to cheek etc. You were right, she did cry but just a little bit and I went in and cuddled her again and went out again. It took about 45 minutes (not crying, just lying there) which isn't great but for a first time, especially as she isn't used to sleeping in the cot either, I thought that was OK. She sleeps as I type. Brilliant! I am so pleased.

The test will presumably be tomorrow morning, see if she remembers the drill. I was a bit nervous so I think tomorrow I shall have more confidence and will do a bit more winding down, cuddling stuff first. I still can't get over it, thanks so much everyone for giving me the oomph to really give it a proper go.

I found these comments really useful. I have a 41/2 month old who sleeps really well at night, but will only settle to sleep during the day when feeding. If she has a chance to look at anything or do anything she carries on with that rather than letting herself relax and become drowsy. This is a concers since she will be with a childminder 2 days a week from September. I think that I'll get a gro-bag, but other than through feeding, what other ways are there to get an alert baby into a drowsy and relaxed state during the day?

Hi there, firstly, please don't worry about the childminder. She'll have lots of experience with children and will have her own way of doing things. And anyway, a baby never died from lack of naps. My ds sleeps much less at his childminder's than he does at home, but it doesn't matter. My two tips are to try putting him down almost exactly two hours after he wakes up, even if he appears quite awake. It's a Gina Ford tip that has worked for me. I just go into his room, pull the curtains, put him in his bag and give him his dummy. I also put him down after lunch. I do think keeping to the same time every day does help. HOWEVER, my ds is now 9months and at 41.2 months did not do any of this (except get tired two hours after waking) and I rather enjoyed feeding him to sleep. They are only little for such a short time, IMO it's a shame to rush them through each stages. Also, babies change all the time, so by September he'll probably feel like a different child with different habits. Try the routine ideas if you want one, but don't get stressed about it. I strongly disagree that all babies form unbreakable habits/associations etc, my son has changed a lot over the last four or five months and has gone from my bed to cot in our room to his own room without a protest, for example. I think he is too young to be left to cry unless he is just having a little tired wail before he sleeps. I recommmend going back in if he cries for more than a few minutes and, if he won't be comforted, take him out and try again later. Please don't get stressed about it, I think when they are ready, most babies will find a pattern with just a little help from their parents.

I agree with Aloha. Don't rush it.Babies need you for feeding for such a short time in the life continuum. I enjoyed feeding my babies to sleep and as they got older that gradually changed - so gradually that I don't remeber how it happened. I had absolutely no problems with them going to bed without any drinks when weaned. So sad that I will never experience breast feeding again

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So far so good. My dd is beginning to teethe, so is reluctant to feed. I followed some of the advise, tucked her up, and left her for 5 minutes. After 3 minutes of crying I didn't hear a sound from her for 35 mins! The real test is what will happen next time