My 9 year old won't go to sleep/plays up at bedtime.

[PavlovtheCat]

DD shares a bedroom with DS aged 5. He goes to bed between 7:730pm, we try to settle him so he is asleep at 7:30pm but normally he won't sleep until 8pm.

DD chills out reading in the front room while he is settled, and has her story with either DH or me, depending on who is putting the other to bed. She goes to bed at 8pm, and either has a story in bed if not had one, or she is allowed to play with her dolls/read a book for 15 mins max.

Two problems.

1. She keeps getting up, or calling out, saying she can't sleep. Sometimes she has a stomach ache, sometimes she feels 'out of sorts', sometimes she just simply states she can't sleep. In particular, when we are both home, she will often get up with her bear and come into the front room in an attempt to sit with us (as soon as she has her bear with her, we know she wants to be up, the bear jingles so we know she's coming before she arrives!).

1. I have a disability which tires me out and affects my mobility. Some nights, I go to bed not very long after her. I try to wait until she is asleep, but she is now almost always still awake at 9pm and I need to lay flat by 9pm. I try to stay up, but can't always do so. DH goes out on occasions, and when he does, she comes into my room almost immediately, stating she can't sleep. It's like clockwork. I send her back to bed, or take her back to bed depending on how mobile I am feeling. But she keeps coming back.

She had the knack of being able to make me feel bad for sending her back to bed!

She won't sleep until 9:30pm most nights. This evening she did the usual 'can't sleep, almost immediately' at 8:15pm, so I let her put her small light on and read propped up with pillows for 15 minutes. DH has just gone out to visit a friend, and I heard him speaking to her in a frustrated manner before he went. I am now waiting for the sound of her bear and seeing her standing in the doorway clutching her bear with a furrow in her brow.

What can I do to get her to settle? She has a small light on when she first goes to bed, but prefers to sleep with it off, has the hallways light on with the door open a little (has to be 'just so'). DS likes to go to sleep with Cat in the Hat on, which DD also likes, or another audio book but I wondered if this actually stops her from sleeping so I have tried to see about turning it off.

Any ideas?

My 9 year old is never ever asleep before 9:45. She's as bright as a button next morning. She just doesn't need it.

Gosh my kids would be in total meltdown with a 9pm bedtime at age 4/5.

My 4yo is in bed by 7.30 and crashed by 8.

I would probably let her read for longer in bed, she will probably want to drop off to sleep about 10 as she hopefully will be tired. I used to read for ages in bed at that age, all my Enid Blyton books, so did DS.

If she's up and down ten times anyway, surely she's better off going to bed later but actually tired.

That's a good point the pp makes about her needing less sleep as she gets older. It's hard on you when you need your evenings to yourselves. I'm strict on bedtimes here but it's normal for them to stay up later and I probably get an hour or so these days before Im off to bed myself. I'm dreading the teenage years.

Lovely - mine are wide awake eating blueberries and playing ludo with Mil.. They sleep 9pm-8am school nights, 11-12hrs weekends depending on bedtime. So 11pm bedtime tonight, they will wake 10-11am tomorrow ( perfect for me as I can fit in conference work calls 6am-10am)

I also think It sounds like a habit she has got into to. perhaps get her ready for bed at 8pm, but put her bed time back to 9pm. Then whenever she gets up, send her back to bed, but without engaging in conversation, apart from a brief 'back to bed'. Unless you have any reason to believe she is actually poorly, ignore her stomach ache/noisey neighbour complaints. Hopefully she will learn to settle, without the need to get up.

Meant to say 8.30 bedtime, not 9.

I have night time problems too.. With as many reasons as he can think of to get up..

I have made bedtime later , however there is a consequnce for getting up and down for no reason. He knows what are acceptable bad dream and not been well, smoke alarm or needs the toilet.

When he comes and tries to tell me nonense I repeat good night over and over until he goes to bed.

I think you need to let her devise a plan of what she can do if she can't sleep as this seems to be the most common issue

art oh how lovely. not at all! don't think my children have ever slept past 8am, except when we travelled back from USA and DD slept til 11am once. She was 22 months or so , and 8am is only if they are poorly/had a very, very late night. Normally late nights don't affect their mornings, they get up the same time regardless.

In the winter they do sleep a bit longer, closer to 7:30am. So, despite blackout blinds it obviously does affect them being summer.

argh! just as I get one settled (she's now asleep, 9:45pm she went to sleep in the end), I have my 5 year old in with me. He's got the runs badly and thinks he is going to be sick. He doesn't always wake when he is being sick (I did say he will sleep through anything!) and so he needs to be in bed with me so I can sleep with one eye open and wake him if he starts to be sick

It's my birthday. Good job I didn't plan anything romantic with DH tonight as that most certainly wouldn't be happening