9 mnth old frantic crying when put down to sleep

[Gizmo100]

I have a 9 month old daughter who has always cried from 30 mins to 2.5 hours when put into her bed to sleep. From 2 months to 6 months I very much cheated to get round this and fed her to sleep (breatfed) but since I am going back to work next month I have not been doing this and have tried to get her to settle without the feed. I have tried all the different sleep rotines such as pick up put down, controlled crying and crying it out and although they works for a few nights I think she twigs whats going on and goes worse again. I have approached a private sleeping clinic but my health visitors have referred me to an nhs sleep clinic but the waiting list is 6 weeks and by that time I will be back at work and my mum, sister and nursery will have to deal with her which isnt fair on them. Has anyone else managed to sort this problem out. She has a steady bedtime routine which is like clockwork and plays in her cot during the day when I am tidying up etc so she is very familiar with her nursery. Can anyone help!

First of all: You didn't "cheat" when you breastfed her to sleep. You did what is normal and natural and it will have made for a very happy baby.
Secondly, why do you feel you need to make her go to sleep on her own? Because of daytime naps?

Tbh if I was you I would cuddle/feed her to sleep at home, so lovely and cosy to do this. And the person(s) who will look after her during the day can find their own way to get your dd to sleep.
I think babies can adapt to having different routines with different people.

Dont get me wrong this baby loves being breastfed and getting cuddles from me and when I do it I know this is a precious time that we wont have again but I go out to a class two nights a week for a break and when I come back my husband is waiting with DD on his lap saying he couldnt get her down again and makes me feel bad for going to my class. If I could just get her to settle easily it would at least not give him ammunition!!! Also because of her sleep issues no one including family wants to babysit!! They have heard her crying!!!

Gizmo, i don't believe i have the answers you want to hear so i hope you don't mind me too much. my caveat is that i know that all families are unique and is made up of individuals so ignore me if you like. to me with all the crying your dd is saying that she is not ready to be put to sleep alone in a cot. the failure in the sleep-thru methods you have tried tells me that either you don't feel, deep down that these things are right for you and your child. or that, i highly suspect to be true but what sleep training practitioners don't tell you is that you have to redo the training to some degree after any bouts of illness, teething, travel, whatever. Are you willing to do this after every change?

so what that when you get home your dd is wide awake on her dh's lap. this happened at home too the first 2 times when i went out. your dh needs to relax too and not put the emotional burden on you. my dd now can go to sleep in his arms and he is happy to cuddle her on his chest till i get home. it is bonding time.

if you want your dd to stop treating sleeptime as a hysterical event, imo you have to start to reassure her that you are always there for her. take her to bed, let her fall asleep soundly and put her back in her cot. when you go to bed and she wakes up later, go straight in to her and take her to bed with you. this is what made me keep my sanity and get some sleep as a full time teacher.

At nine months i was back at work and at the cross roads you face. I chose to co-sleep and luckily, my dh had slowly come around to that too - from the position that 'child will have to fit into our lifestyle, blah, blah, point of view.' We started by me sleeping a couple hrs or so in the spare room with dd and putting her back in her cot and slowly moving to where we are completely happy for her to be in our bed.

I'm a firm believer in getting a baby to learn to self-soothe, sleep in their own bed and put themselves to sleep. My DD has always been put down sleepy but awake, has never slept in my bed and always goes to bed very happily.
If she's been used to falling asleep at the breast and is now not settling, she needs something to take the place of the comfort she got from the breast. I introduced a small, fleece blankie with silky tags at about 4 months and my DD has become very attached to that. As soon as she lies down she grabs the blankie and cuddles up to it whilst stroking the silk. Works brilliantly. Could you try something like that?

Hi Gizmo. I also have a 9 month old, who has never been a good sleeper. Thankfully CC worked for us - did you follow it to the letter, and continue using the methods each time she woke after she was 'fixed'?

One thing I notice in your post is that you say she plays in her cot during the day so is familiar with her nursery. This may actually be your problem rather than a good thing! She may be thinking that because she plays in her cot sometimes, that when you put her down to sleep at night, it is actually play time! Why not try not putting her in the cot for play for a couple of weeks to break the association, and see if she goes down better at night by the end of this time?

I presume you are sure that she is tired (but not overtired) when you put her to bed?

Thanks for all your replies. Seen health visitor today and said I felt co-sleeping was on the cards to keep my sanity - either that or I will come to end of my tether. More or less co-sleeping once she wakes up in the night anyway and she is more settled. I wanted to give her a dummy when she was born and dh said no way. I have tried to introduce a dummy to see if she would take that and the taggy blanket someone gave me - she may eventually take to it. I did follow the controlled crying to the letter for several weeks and its as if she knows what we are up to!!!
Thanks again

sounds like a supportive HV gizmo. have you seen the unicef leaflet on safe co-sleeping? here it is if you haven't

also an interesting read is this website on sleep and babies the links are also fantastic.

my dd now 19 months doesn't have a dummy or an attachment to an object. i grew up in the caribbean where these things are rarely used and co-sleeping is a non issue and very common. not that i am saying the two things are connected.

Gizmo you haven't said how often your daughter will be going to nursery.

Family can always dedicate their time to your daughter whereas a nursery has so many children per staff member so I would advise you to find out what their policy is on getting babies to sleep.

I am not trying to put the fear of god into you but my son was at a nursery where after X minutes they would have to just let the child cry itself to sleep as they have other babies to attend to. Mine was a fab nursery but they were justified in what they did, for fear of neglect of the other babies in their care.

I have done all the feeding to sleep, co-sleeping etc and then sleep training, but I couldn't do CC. have a 3.5 year old who is a fantastic sleeper but his 6 month old brother needs to read the manual that says all babies sleep through the night. Hogwash. Hence why there are soooo many sleep clinics!

Thank for the links to the Nice guidelines and the other links too which are really helpful. Its funny my sister had mentioned looking at the guideline for co-sleeping a few days ago so have now taken a look. I have Elizabeth Patneys book but hasnt had an affect on DD. From 7.30pm - 11.30pmlast night my daughter didnt go to sleep. Genuinely think she is terrified of being left alone and she is now going through a clingy stage. She is only going into nursery one day a week. They caled to arrange her trial days and did say I was worried about the sleep issue. They said just to go through her routine
I just hope because they have others to look after this will sort her out!!!