Does this non-routine mum need a routine for DS?!

[liney80]

Hi everyone! I have a lovely 8m old son who's a joy during the day, very smiley and happy but not so great at night...

We have a lovely and consistent bedtime routine and he goes to bed at 7pm. We dream feed him (bottle) between 10-11, sometimes allowing him to wake up and sometimes lifting him out asleep. He takes 7oz at this feed.

But he wakes up every night between 1-3 for no obvious reason. He's not in pain, doesn't seem hungry - I think he wants some company as if I do pick him up he starts smiling at me and talking! I try and leave him to settle himself but the initial quiet crying then escalates and I often settle him with a dummy/striking his back etc. it can take 1-2 hours to finally settle him on a bad night.

He wakes up anywhere between 5am and 7am and we bring him into our bed for a bottle of milk and sometimes he goes back to sleep if he was up earlier...

His daytime naps are all over the place depending on when he wakes up. He rarely sleeps for more than 30-45 mins - I try to settle him in his cot if at home or he sleeps in the pushchair/car seat when we're out.

Would a much stricter routine day and night help him sleep better? I know people with strict routines whose babies don't sleep well and people with a relaxed approach like me whose babies do sleep well - it will be hard for me to adjust so I've been resisting! Obviously I'd do it if it's good for DS.

Grateful for your thoughts as I'm going round in circles here!!

Typo in the message above - I stroke his back, not strike it (that wouldn't be restful at all)

My DS is now 9 months old and was a serial catnapper and this affected his night time sleep massively. Every night was different and we never knew how long it would take to settle him at bedtime despite having a good bedtime routine.

In the last 4 weeks I have put in a lot of effort in making the transition to two long naps a day. We are finally there and it has made a massive difference to his nights. With no other issues (such as cutting teeth) he now happily and easily settled to sleep between 6pm and 7pm each evening. Wakes once for a feed around 2am and wakes for the day between 6am and 7am.

He has never taken naps in his cot and has stopped napping in the pushchair out on walks .. so these longer naps have unfortunately been on me, cuddled up on the sofa which is quite restrictive. Another week or two of this and I will try to put him down for naps in his cot.

Our day is roughly as follows:

6:30am wake up and milk
8am breakfast
930am nap
11am wake up and milk
1230pm lunch
2pm nap
330pm wake up and milk
5pm dinner
545 milk
6pm bedime routine
630pm asleep for the night
1 or 2 night feeds

Life has become SO much easier since I have got this routine going and he is a much happier, more well rested baby. I am also more well rested and know generally what to expect each day/night.

Just to be clear .. before this he would wake anywhere between 1-6 times a night for unknown reasons, sometimes easily settled, sometimes awake for hours and happy, sometimes awake for hours crying and with all sorts of times when he was up for the day. Nailing the daytime routine has definitely led to more predictable settled nights (for us at least).

Thanks very much for sharing your experience with me, I have wondered if the day routine is the one to tackle. I lay on the bed with my DS recently for a nap and he slept for 2 hours!!

We have thought about having him on our bed at night permanently as he sleeps much better and his breathing is slower and calmer (we have a big bed so there's loads of space for him). We suspect he has asthma as he has eczema and sometimes his breathing is fast and laboured...

How many naps? I found when he dropped from 3 to 2 or 2 to 1 things went to pot generally. I think it often coincides with some developmental stuff too. (Nursery commented they often drop to one around the time they start walking.)

There's a difference between schedules and routines. A routine is a familiar cue, a schedule is time linked. In my experience different children develop different sleep schedules - my son tends to be ready to sleep later, a friend's daughter is comatose at 7.00 pm. You can introduce cues eg only napping in buggy or car or only in cot (last option a tad inflexible)

When transitioning I'd do lots of walking in prams to see what his new schedule was - I really noticed it was the amount of time he could stay awake for. So sometimes wake ups would vary but you could set your watch by when he'd be tired! He was and still is bf but for a long time feed to sleep didn't work so it was pram/ push chair.

This became his nap familiar routine, around 20 months he got keen on his own bed in his own room (we were cosleeping) and then naps and bedtimes moved to his room at his insistance.

So imo, sometimes observing and being led by them, but providing nap 'opportunities' then noting times can help you create your new schedule. (Only for it to change again!)

But they're all different.

The being awake in the night is quite common what ever way you do things; my son has rarely done this though used to wake for bf frequently; I know others who did this for ages, esp when working on new skills. It becomes more about how you cope. (If he did do some night time antics I'd make it very boring and not really say much)

I personally dont think so much about routines and schedules as much as be attuned to their tired cues, hunger cues etc, as when their rhythm changes it makes it easier to follow without tantrums.

20 months naps in bed - I joined him as he'd wake every half hour. Gradually he became secure and started doing a really good 2-3 hour sleep then (bliss!) this then helped him feel secure to sleep there for longer at night.

A lot of it is security tbh. And we are their security.

Dd did this bang on 2am every night. She is waking up at the end of a sleep cycle. Of its more than three times its now a habit. I had to set my alarm clock at 1.45 and gently disturb her but not wake so she started her cycle again. Was hellish but it worked!

Also I stayed in for a week to get dd sleep pattern sorted. Three hours after waking I put her down for a nap. After 30 mins I gently disturbed but not woke and she slept for a further hour.

Sleep cycles are around 45 mins. It sounds like he is waking up and not allowing the second cycle during the day. Day sleeps were the key for dd.

Thanks ladies! Some good tips here to try... I sat on the bed with him yesterday for a nap and he slept for 1.5 hours - a record!!