Be gentle with me - very tired mum of 8 month old

[weebairn]

Be gentle with me, I haven't had more than 2 hours sleep in months…

So DD2 is 8 months old. She is pretty easy in the day. She self settles for naps and is fairly easy going. She is big for her age. She is exclusively breast fed. She is not really eating that much solids yet. She'll have some finger food but doesn't let me spoon feed her.

She has two naps in the day, around 9am and 1pm. One is usually 1.5 hrs, the other usually 45 mins. She has these in her cot if we are at home, or in the pushchair/sling if out and about.

At night she has a good bedtime routine. She has a change, feed, and a lullaby. She puts herself to sleep in her cot at 6.30pm. (She won't stay up later than this or she gets hysterically tired).

She wakes about every 2 hours throughout the night. About 4-5 feeds a night. She has a feed, a fairly short one (5-10 minutes) and then I put her back down awake and she self settles back to sleep. She isn't hard to put back to sleep. But she wakes up again 2 hrs later. Boyfriend has tried rocking her etc which occasionally works. Mostly she is chewing his arm off and seems very hungry. So mostly I end up feeding her. Plus it's quicker.

I am very tired.

She has been ill (one virus after another) for the best part of 6 weeks so I didn't want to do anything till she was better. She has been well for a week now. Sleep is just the same.

Considering sleep training but don't want to do anything too harsh. Not sure where to start. My first daughter would never self settle at all, and would sleep long stretches through the night, and yet everything I read seems to say a good nap routine, a good bedtime and being able to self settle are the keys to night time sleep… so confused.

Just to throw in an idea to consider: if she is bf every 2 hrs during the day, she might not be getting hungry enough for food. Maybe try switching some feeds around so she has gone a good 2hrs from her last feed, then you offer solids, before offering another bf?

Do you offer water in a cup OP?

Trying to think back I think mine had water from about 6 months with 3 meals and 4 BF .
Is she teething ?

Some similarities with you. DS2 is 6.5mo and wakes every 2 hrs all night long and has since the beginning and several times during the evening too at the moment. I bfeed him to sleep at bedtime and every time he wakes. He's refused all attempts at a bottle since birth. He only naps in sling or on me, so no self settling here at all. He doesn't get enough day time sleep am sure - sometimes only 2x30mins. He also refuses naps in buggy or car seat and will scream til sick in both and still not sleep.
Very difficult to bfeed during the day. Always has been. Gets all his milk at bedtime and during the night am sure.

BUT he's taken to solids like a duck to water.

DS1 (now 2.10yo) was a terrible sleeper too. Napped in buggy only til about 4mo then I used to bfeed to sleep and transfer to cot but only slept 45mins. At 7mo suddenly started sleepin for 1.5hrs.

He didn't show any interest in solids u til about 8mo. Barely ate anything until then. Ate a bit more at 8mo but it wasn't until 10mo where he ate with any enthusiasm and more importantly dropped daytime milk
feeds.
I went back to work at 13mo and he was still waking every 1.5/2hrs and I gradually started to lose the plot.

Started nightweaning by basically not picking him out of cot between 11pm and 5am. He had cuddles/singing/patting through the cot if he woke but no milk and no pick ups. In about a week he was no longer waking for milk and putting himself to sleep by himself at bedtime. I slowly began to feel human again.

One idea could be to not give milk say between 11pm and 5am. Pick her up, give cuddles - she will cry but you'll be with her. May encourage her to eat more during the day time that way as she will wake up hungrier and perhaps be more interested in her food/mill during the day.

This week DS2 took water from a soppy cup with a soft silicone teat. Could you try that instead of a bottle?

DS1 refused a bottle too until at 7mo DP have him a bottle of formula and he drank it no prob.

I feel for you. but it will pass. I think I've had between 2-4hrs sleep for past 6.5mo and the cracks are starting to show.

Planning some gentle training for DS2 but given how he screams in the car and fights sleep tooth and nail, am not looking forward to it. I just know I can't whait til 14mo again this time.

im a less experienced mum than you but my 7mo wakes every 2 hours too, its so hard! And i dont have a toddler as well. It does sound like a food 'issue' rather than sleep though, this might be an obvious one but do you all eat together? i notice with my ds he'll eat heaps more when we're eating the same thing, and dh is there too, so its a more social thing. But 8m is still early in weaning, she will get there! hth

I'd also space out the meals and breast feeds so baby is really hungry at meal times. Eg 7 am breast feed, 8 breakfast, 12 noon lunch, 3 pm breast feed, 5 pm dinner, 6:30 breast feed then sleep.
I'd suggest no feeding at all in between and then she should eat better at meals. You need to break the snacking cycle.

As previous posters have said I think I would try spacing out the breastfeeds so she gets a bit hungrier. My DD is 8 months and she has a bf around 7am, breakfast at 8, bf at 11ish, lunch at 12:30-1:00, bf at 3pm, dinner at 5:30 then bf before bed. She then normally (she is teething at the moment so has woken in the night) goes right through from 7-7.

The sleeping through started to happen when she took on more solids. It sounds as though it's a hunger issue rather than sleep for your DD, as you said normally self settling is the key to them sleeping well. I hope it improves for you soon it's exhausting when you have two little ones to look after and you are getting little sleep.

Thanks so much for all the ideas and understanding.

So last night went like this - bed at 6.30 with as big a feed as I could get her to take, feed at 9.30, feed at 12.30 (so an improvement so far) - then awake at 2.30 but settled herself, feed at 3.30… from this point I was too tired to put her back in her room so she was cosleeping with me… awake at 4.30 but settled with a cuddle, awake at 5.30 but settled herself, feed at 6.15, slept till 7.30am. (She does put in a lot of hours overnight - I guess that's one thing!)

Plan of attack is as follows

• stick to current situation for the weekend so boyfriend can get some sleep (he helps me out fetching her and putting her back in cot till about 2am then bows out and goes and sleeps in other room) - then he can let me rest in the day. He has taken them both out now, ah the silence...
• from next week, establish a no-feeding time - probably 1-5am to start with. I'll sleep elsewhere with ear plugs and boyfriend will attempt to settle however he can. He works in an office with lots of coffee and says he can take sleep deprivation when not doing childcare the day after!
• continue encouraging food - thanks for all the ideas. She ate an ok breakfast this morning, 4 strawberries and some toast and yoghurt. Sometimes she does eat better with everyone, but other times she gets so angry and frustrated and I end up calming her down and I don't get to eat myself!
• will space out the feeds in the day - I was actually doing the opposite trying to make her take in more milk in the day, but the snacking theory makes sense so I'll give it a try.

Reassess in a couple of weeks - formula stays in the cupboard for now.
Thank god toddler sleeps 6.30-6.30 without stirring…

thank you x

UPDATE

Either above plan has worked, or sleep has coincidentally improved! The last week has seen mostly 2 wake ups a night - SO much better. I feel like a new woman… she has been waking around 10pm but then going till 3 or 4am- which means REAL sleep for me. Then mostly sleeping through till morning, often loudly, but I stick ear plugs in and ignore unless she cries properly. She has been settling herself back to sleep a couple of times a night.

Daytime feeding has reduced too.

I don't know whether it would have just improved now anyway, as she got over her illnesses etc, or the spacing out of feeds encouraged better eating and sleep, but THANK YOU ALL anyway!

Thats fab news.
Bet your feeling more human already!