Top Sleep Tips

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What do you think has helped your baby sleep well and what do you wish you had known about baby sleep before you had given birth? A few friends are about to have babies so I'm compiling a list. I have an eight month old and these are some of the things I wish I had known/things that worked for us:

A lot of baby sleep does come down to luck so don't blame yourself if you don't have a great sleeper. It's normal for babies to wake up in the night. There are things you can do to help your baby be a better sleeper but it's not your fault or your baby's fault if they don't work.

The principle of the 'core night': once your baby has shown they can sleep for a certain period of time at night (e.g. 11pm-3am) if they wake during those hours in future, have a go at helping them to go back to sleep without a feed (with a dummy or cuddle etc). I did this and my baby started sleeping through the night at 15 weeks without ever being left to cry and whilst breastfeeding. I learnt about this in Beatrice Hollyer's book on sleep. 'The Baby Whisperer' also mentions it. Of course if your baby is hungry, you should feed them but don't assume every night wake up is for food. I didn't try this approach until my baby was 12 weeks old.

If you have a baby who catnaps in the day, when they wake up after a short nap (say 30 mins) have a go at resettling them by whatever means they fell asleep in the first place (rocking, feeding, dummy etc). Your baby may well then start napping for longer periods of time by themselves. That was a tip from 'The No Cry Nap Solution'. My baby was a 45 minute napper. For the first few months of her life I would just get her up when she woke after the first 45 minutes. I then read that tip and instigated it and my baby now does a 1.5-2 nap each day plus a 45 minute nap.

Don't try to follow any one sleep guide. I made myself (and probably my poor baby) miserable for about 2 weeks when I tried following a well known very prescriptive routine. I'm sure that works brilliantly for some babies but it didn't suit my baby. Get to know your baby and his/her unique sleep needs rather than getting to know the baby in the book...

The timing of your baby's morning nap can make a massive difference to the time they wake up in the morning. With my baby, a later morning nap equals a later morning wake up time. That was something I learnt here on mumsnet!

Those are just a few of mine. Please share yours!

Your friends who are about to have babies will truly and honestly believe that their baby is a blank canvas into which they will instil good habits from birth and so therefore don't need to consider poor sleeping because they will not get their baby to have poor sleep habits.

New parents can be supported, but most of the learning needs to be done by trial and error and learning through doing.

My top tip could be boiled down to one word: DUMMY!. But to expand:

• Dummy (from birth). More new Mums need to realise that dummies are not evil.
• Bouncy chair for daytime sleeps (until around 5 months)
• 3 sided bedside cot from birth (don't faff with tiny cribs/baskets). Just take one side off a normal cot.
• Swaddle
• Feed a lot more frequently than you would expect to need to, especially during the daytime
• For the first 12 weeks if baby isn't feeding s/he should be sleeping.
• Birth to 6 months you cannot have too much sleep. Get baby to sleep as often as possible, as frequently as possible for as long as possible.

I thought they weren't supposed to spend too long in a bouncy chair and definitely not sleep in it?

also my baby is 8wo and we spend lots of the day, especially the morning, playing together, it's a lovely time

so far I'd say -

have a kindle to get through the awake nights

accept that babies wont have a sleep pattern for a long time. as soon as I accepted this I felt a lot better

white noise

establish a bed time routine

don't change nappy at night unless poo

ignore comments of "does she sleep through the night yet?"

accept that everyone has advice but you need to get to know your baby to see what works

you will get to know your baby very quickly! life is much less stressful when you go with the flow rather than obsess about how long they sleep for

I thought they weren't supposed to spend too long in a bouncy chair and definitely not sleep in it?

Indeed. NHS also advise is that the safest place for baby to sleep at night is in his/her own cot in your room. But that does not stop co-sleeping from being sanity saver for many. Or baby sleeping in parents arms, also against advise but routinely happens.

As I said, your average FTM will expect to be able to follow all recommended guidelines and will have no sleep problems. But as we all know, it doesn't work like that.

Just as I accept that to many (not me) Will have the sleep mantra of all hail co-sleeping and baby wearing

To me it is all hail the dummy and bouncy chair

I totally agree with FATE about trial and error. I've seen her recommendations for bouncy chair before and they sound a good idea to try. The reality for me was that two of my three have hated the bouncy chair with a passion and the third liked it when awake but only ever napped in it on the first day of his life. But that's the point. You try things and see if they work.

I have been blessed by three difficult sleepers. What I would say is most important is to accept that sleep is fluid and changeable, not linear. I have seen so many people utterly thrown and dejected that a baby who previously slept through isn't doing now they are four months old. Or whatever. Baby books give the impression that, in the first month, your baby's sleep will be the 'worst' it ever is, and that after that there will be a linear progression towards sleeping through. Few people I know have experienced that. DD2 was, for example, waking around 4 times a night a week before she slept through (not sleep trained).

I would also say to ignore anyone who starts their advice with "What you need to do is..." Anyone whose advice is worth listening to will say "What worked for us was..." or "have you thought of giving X a try..."

Once they got to three and four months respectively I had two great sleepers (unless unwell). Improved sleeping did coincide with stopping bf too. Additionally, we kept everything dark and quiet at night, nappy changes to a minimum, and didn't rush to every moan and whimper. In fact, DC2 often cried himself to sleep. We were pretty tolerant of a bit of whinging.
Both went into their own rooms about six weeks old, and our golden rule was never, ever, ever bring them into our bed. Ever.
Once weaning we gave them porridge or weetabix at bedtime. There was no way they were going to wake hungry.
I also swear by blackout blinds, and encouraging reliance on teddies or blankets as comforters rather than shushing and patting at two in the morning.
Luck however, plays a massive part.

Mine would be - never wake a sleeping baby! I used to think it would mean a bad night's sleep if there was too much in the day, but in fact it seems, for my DD at least, that sleep begets sleep. But she is only 15 weeks so this might change....

Just when you feel you have cracked it, everything will change again.

Don't worry if you end up co-sleeping. It won't be forever.

Yes, being awake at 2am and 4am feeding baby when the world is asleep is daunting. But actually when it is quiet and dark and it is just the two of you feeding, it is a very special and close moment, and you may look back with nostalgia.

Thank you SO much for your tips! Anymore would be very welcome. So many of these resonate with me. Sleep not being linear has been true for my baby. So is sleep begets sleep and using a dummy has also helped us a lot.

I love what you say solasum, those night feeds are close and special.

Penguins, you're so right about ignoring anyone who tells you what you need to do.

Sleep behaviour isn't linear. Newborns sleep loads (albeit on you, in your bed, in 30min increments, etc.). Infants less so.

The EASY routine really worked for DS and me from 10 weeks. I feed him as soon as he wakes up, then we play and at the first sleeping cue (YouTube videos show what they are), off to bed for a nap. He falls asleep on his own, dummy or thumb in mouth. I don't time the routine, just always do EASY.

White noise is fab. Sound sleeper app a must.

I don't have a bouncy chair but a baby hammock, fab too.

Bedtime routine worked like a charm from 10weeks.

... But he seems to be hitting the 4 months sleep regression quite hard so all bets are off now. Oh well, we had a good run...

My advice would be have a bedtime routine from day 1 and stick to it so take baby upstairs to get bathed/washed and ready for bed, bottle or feed upstairs, wind & cuddle and put down in cot. It's not going to work out every night but if you keep doing the same thing then gradually baby will follow and learn that this routine means a longer sleep. I've done this with all 3 of mine and they've all slept through from early on my ds3 Is 12 weeks and sleeps 10-1 2 hrs at night.
Also if you don't want to co sleep don't EVER put your baby or toddler in bed with you because once they're in its so hard to get them back in a cot again I learned this the hard way with ds1 dh put him in bed with us 1 night at around 14mth it took til he was 3.5 to get him out again.
Agree with pp dummies are not evil in the slightest

See, in the nicest possible way, this is what I'm talking about. I've co-slept (from necessity, not choice) with all three of mine in the early days. Pre-1 all three of them have decided that they prefer their own space. There really are no absolutes on baby sleep.

There was a news article yesterday about a baby who died sleeping in a bouncy chair. Please don't leave your baby unattended if you do this.

Some really good advice I got from a breastfeeding group was not to feel bad if you want to prioritise babies health & development over getting a full nights sleep.

Some (most) breastfed babies wake in the night until past a year old, this is normal and good for them.

Feeding for comfort is normal and good for development.

Co-sleeping can provide the love and security a baby needs and be good for their development.

This website www.isisonline.org.uk/hcp/how_babies_sleep/sleep_training/research_evidence/ (sorry if not clicky - it's 'Infant Sleep Information Source', unfortunately 'ISIS'! Put together by professionals it's a solid research-led website about sleep)

My baby wakes every 1-2hrs. We co-sleep. I rush to her every cry. I have no wish to 'train' her to be distant from me before she's ready.

Sleep is developmental they will reach a full night - and the desire for their own bed - in their own sweet time.

Above all do reassure them that they cannot spoil their baby and if breastfeeding, cannot overfeed and there is little evidence for 'habit feeding' - it takes too many muscles and effort for a breastfeed for them to do it 'just because' so if they wake in the night and will take the breast, it's because they needed it.

Definitely don't leave a baby unattended sleeping in a bouncy chair. And stop using it once baby is sitting. But sitting usually coincides with the age when when naps move from being short and frequent to longer and so can move into the big cot anyway.

What you said about necessity not choice PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom was my initial point in my first post. Realistically and in the nicest way possible, you cannot give a first time pregnant Mum-to-be realistic advise on sleep because most have this naïve, rose-tinted idea that it might be hard work and tiring, but have no actual understanding of the depths of what's to come over the first 12 months.

The same is often true of a FTM of a newborn. Short of coming across as ridiculously 'I know best' smug (which is in essence the same smugness the generation above us try to hide when grandchildren come along), you can try suggesting things but new parents can only learn by going through it themselves.

Learning through doing and trial and error.

i wish id known how good naps usually help, not hinder night time sleep and looked up 'awake times' earlier, overtiredness is very hard to spot in my ds; he goes from happy to overexcited and hyper in the flick of a switch so knowing how long he might manage to stay awake helps.
i would also put the beautiful family heirloom cradle in the living room for daytime sleeps, and start with the 3 sided cot on our bed, maybe with a sleepyhead or something like that. I hurt my stitches so many times trying to get up to see ds in that cradle!!
Mainly, its the luck of the draw, dont get wound up when you have bad patches (especially at 4am, thats the darkest hour for logic ime).
And yes to sleep not being linear, you expect it to be worse at first and get better but in those early days ds would easily sleep for 4-5 hours which he struggles with now

Totally agree with you FATE. I was responding to Lexy, who said NEVER bring them into bed.

If you read it properly you'll see I wrote If you DON'T WANT TO CO SLEEP NEVER PUT THE BABY IN BED WITH YOU it's not a slight on people who do but it's not for everyone & only going off my experience when ds was put in with us it was hard to get him back in his cot again

Lexy that's bull. I know plenty of people who co-sleep when baby is teething but baby in cot the rest of the time.

There is no blanket rule (either NEVER or EVERY) that is true for or works for every baby. None.

I can only go off my own experiences as can you. Like I said I really struggled to get ds back in his own room after he was brought in with us, it was literally 1 night dh brought him in and after that 1 night he refused to go back. I didn't want to co sleep as I'm a restless sleeper and I toss and turn alot therefore I ended up either sleeping on the sofa or in ds room and dh co slept with the baby. With ds2 he never once come into our bed if he was ill or teething I'd sleep in his room on the floor rather than bring him into our bed. Just my experience that's all........

I love your post pomeral. Never, every, always etc are unhelpful in terms if baby sleep (with the obvious exceptions for baby safety ).

If co-sleeping works for you great. If it doesn't, fine. I would love to co-sleep. I totally see the benefits for the baby. However, I'm not a good sleeper and I'm pretty certain this would lead to me being depressed through sleep deprivation. So a top sleep tip on this basis might be, accept that you're doing the best you can and don't be ashamed of either co-sleeping or not co-sleeping.

I would love to not co-sleep, in all honesty. I have hip problems and if I can't toss and turn in the night my hips seize up. I am in pain most days now. However I put the baby down on a different side after every feed (cannot feed lying down due to hips) which helps enormously. Only thought of that last week.
I have a terrible terrible sleeper since the 4 month sleep regression - prior to that she was doing 4hrs - feed - 3hrs - feed - 3 hrs in her cot.
I thought being woken up every 3 hours was sleep deprivation! I weep for my lost innocence. I estimate I now get 4 45min blocks of sleep a night.
I have found that telling myself that 'resting my eyes in a dark room' while dd is feeding is almost as good as sleep makes me feel better.
I bet myself up for ages about sleep, then I found the ISIS website, and now I just about manage an eye-roll at 'advice' rather than the hysterical sobbing it used to reduce me to! :)

Oh pomeral, I'm so sorry to hear that. It sounds like you are doing amazingly under very difficult circumstances. Your baby is very lucky to have a mum like you.

Pomeral (I comfort myself with the shut eyes thing too)

Thanks guys. It's OK though I know it will get better eventually. I used to think the Mumsnet saying of this too shall pass was a bit trite; I now repeat it daily.
I think the main thing I've learned about sleep is part of the whole 'it's not linear' argument, I.e. It changes all the time so don't be afraid to change what you're doing to match instead of trying to stick to some all-conquering 'routine'.
Also there was a thread recently about CC at 15months and it made me think. A 15 month old is not as vulnerable as an under a year old and if we are still going through this sleep at 15 months I may well use CC, although I never would have considered it pre-baby. I suppose the tip there is try not to judge yourself and never say anything is off the table.
I am lucky at least in that dd wants to be asleep overnight - no middle of the night attempts at play! She's just super hungry and windy, both of which she will hopefully grow out of on her own post weaning (ha!).

Try to set up a cue for sleeping. I did this entirely by accident. Whenever I put ds into his cot I'd sing a daft, totally made up 'do you want some milk' ditty to buy time to stop him crying while I got his milk.

Dh could never get him to settle at night so I suggested he try the song. Ds now falls asleep on hearing the song. If he's very tired he doesn't even wait for the milk. Just the song conks him out.

also do whatever it takes to get them to nap but dont give up on the cot. keep trying. If you crack cot napping, all other sleep will follow.

and of you have a terrible sleeper do not blame yourself. Babies are not robots where if you do x then y will result. For some people (and babies are people) sleep can be a tricky thing. Some people sleep wonderfully and easily while others are insomniacs. and often you'll have good and bad phases no matter what you do.