please help me get ds to sleep

[kbaby]

im really fed up and the lack of sleep is spoiling my enjoyment of ds first months.
he was ok at sleeping but gradually has been waking more often and wont resettle. this week has been really bad and so far ive had 15hrs sleep all week.
he wont go to sleep on his own and wont even fall asleep being cuddled, you have to pace the rooms, if you attempt to sit down he screams and the only way to calm him back down is to start walking or bf him. once you have finally got him to sleep you have to try numerous times to get him to stay in his moses basket where if im lucky hell sleep for 1-2hrs, if he cries when youve laid him down he will scream again until you walk or feed him.
last night went like this;
8pm- fell asleep after screaming and walking him, laid him down and he slept for 1hr
9pm- woke crying, tried cuddling, rocking etc but wouldnt settle, i fed him then we walked/rocked him around the house until he fell asleep.
11pm tried laying him down but he woke instantly crying
12pm same again
12.30 fed him wher he fell asleep, i held him for 20 mins and put him down, he woke sraight back up crying, tried cuddling, patting etc in the end put boob in his mouth just to quieten him down, this went on another twice until at 2am he eventually let me put him down. he slept until 5am and then woke crying, i fed him and cuddled him in bed and he slept with me until 7am.

i dont want to co sleep as i cant sleep properly, i just cant understand why hes gone like this, even his day time naps are the same, he will no longer just nod off on you or in his basket and if he does wake nothing apart from pacing or feeding settles him again.

im just fed up with him and want to scream with frustration. how can i persuade him to sleep on his own.

btw hes 14 weeks

perhaps he is having a growth spurt?
14 weeks isn't very old, babies change massively from one week to the next, so just because they do something for a bit doesn't mean they'll carry on (unfortunately!)
or maybe he is feeling a bit under the weather and just needs you to comfort him and make him feel better.

I don't think you can persuade him to sleep on his own, he is a tiny baby and he just wants his mum to make him feel safe and secure.
I know the lack of sleep is a nightmare, but try and cherish it while he needs you so mcuh,they grow up too damn fast!

Feeding a baby to sleep is how it is meant to be, that is why there are calming, sleep inducing substances in breast milk. Babies are also programmed to need to be near their parents, and to cry when left alone.

It sounds like you are cross with him for being a baby, tbh. I know it's bloody hard work, but the more you can meet his needs now, the calmer and easier life will become as he starts to mature a little and need you less intensely.

I know you say you can't sleep properly when you are co-sleeping, but you are not getting any sleep doing it this way either, are you? Co-sleeping can be something that takes a while to get the hang of, like anything else. I would also advise you get a sling (a ring sling where he lies horizontally, not an upright carrier) and carry him as much as you can - the movement and closeness should calm him and hopefully help him to sleep more easily and for longer. You may also be able to get on with your own things a bit more easily if you can be mobile and comfortable while holding him in the sling.

Have you tried co-sleeping recently? I ask because you if you tried when he was very little you may have been to scared of rolling on him to sleep properly, but now he is a bit bigger and more robust, you might find you can do it. It really exhausting and frustrating at this stage, but remember he is growing up fast - this stage will pass like all the other stages!

This page might help with some more ideas. I know not all of the advice here is going to suit everyone, but there are many different things to try. Hope it helps.

i do co sleep from about 5am onwards just to get 2hrs sleep before we get up but im not comfortable with it.
i realise that he may want to be held and upto now i was happy to do that as once he was asleep i could put him down but its the fact that he isnt even happy unless im walking with him and theres only so much walking around i can do. i didnt mind feeding him to sleep before but now it seems that its the only thing that calms him, even if he wakes and cries then only feeding stops him crying. it means that hes just snacking all day.

as much as i love him no one can cope for long on 15 hrs sleep a week.

I'm afraid I'm not here to offer any advice as my 7 month old ds was awake for 4 hours altogether in the night last night. We ended up committing the cardinal sin of driving him around to make him nod off!! Just here to offer sympathy - it is so grim and I'm not surprised you are fed up. Hang on in there.

No of course you can't cope on 15 hours of sleep. Did you look at the link? What ideas on there could you try?

It's fine to feed your baby as often as he wants to be fed - it's normal for babies to want to 'snack', and it's good for their emotional and physical development for them to have milk whenever they ask for it, in these early days.

You poor thing! Sounds bad. My dd is 13 weeks and has started waking more in the night (admittedly not as much as your son) - and can take quite a while to settle sometimes. I have been getting lots of different advice - and it is hard to know what to try - but I will pass some of it on, just in case useful for you....One person suggested to me that it may be because they are getting less food during the day. Apparently they tend to get distracted during daytime feeds at this age, as they are getting really interested in things around them, so often feed best at night when there are fewer distractions. Don't know - but might be worth trying to feed him as much and as often as possible during the day?

Another thing to suggest.... could you just leave him to cry? I'm hopeless at just leaving my dd if she is crying - but I know a lot of people think they will eventually drop off if they are left for a bit.

Is he getting too big for the moses basket? Might be worth seeing if he sleeps better in a cot? (although perhaps not a v.helpful suggestion as it seems that it is putting him down which he doesn't like.)

Or one final idea... might be worth trying cranial osteopathy or chiropractic if he doesn't settle - they can work miracles with babies that a bit difficult.

Good luck - hope it gets better.

Kbaby - my intial reaction on reading your thread is - is it wind or tummy ache? If he screams as soon as you lie him down he could just be uncomfortable?

I wouldn't worry about feeding him to sleep - you can't help it when you breastfeed, but you might want to keep an eye on how you are doing it. Apologies if you know all of this but...
If he is snacking alot then don't switch sides each time. Could be he's getting too much foremilk and getting tummy ache and if he doesn't get enough hindmilk he's not getting enough decent milk to help him stay asleep. Try to ensure he does get a full feed each time, don't just feed him until he quietens down. If he stops/drifts off then pick him up, over the shoulder, firm winding, and offer him the SAME breast. If he's not interested, wind again ( winding is also a way of stirring them gently awake) and then offer the other breast. Try to do this each time, even when you are knackered.
Some people only ever feed from one side so you don't have to switch at all if baby is feeding normally.

Also, remember that demand feeding can work both ways. If he's feeding too much in the night, try to encourage him to feed more in the evening. Yes - you will feel like you are stuck to the settee but cluster feeding in the evening can help cut out the "catch up " feeds in the night.

Could be a growth spurt which is why he is feeding more, go with it - its a phase.

Also, is he a big baby? Regardless of the official guidelines some big babies start showing signs of weaning v.early on - its not to say you should do anything that soon but just knowing why sometimes helps.

Thats enough from me I think !

I have no advice but just wanted to offer my sympathy - must be very tough from what you are saying. I have probs with my ds staying down for day naps but nights are better.

hope things get better!

I fed DS to sleep until he was 13 months (before naps) and 19 months (before bed).

He is 2.6 and goes to sleep on his own now, and sleeps 12-13 hours.

If feeding him settles, him, I would do it, certainly at this age.

Whether or not it is co-incidence I don;t know but feeding DS pretty much every time he woke at night & cried meant we never spent hours trailing round trying to "get" him off to sleep.

After the first few weeks he just woke, fed, slept.

Hopefully this is just a little unsettled phase and things will ease a bit soon.

But don;t let anyone tell you anything about rods & backs

i have just read this thread after a really bad night with my tiddler, who is nearly 5 months. i have been up feeding her or shusing her once an hour all nigt, except for when she had to come downstairs for 2 hours cos she wasn't having any of my efforts. was feeling really ground down by it as i am really trying to follow the advice in books (that don't involve leaving her cry) and just none of it is working. having read this thread and the link to dr sears pages am not feeling such a failure. i have no idea why she is waking so much, when she only used to wake 2/3 times up till around 6 weeks ago, but i don't feel i am doing it all wrong anymore, or that i've missed the opportunity to 'teach' her how to sleep through, which is defo how i was starting to feel....

still knackered though obv.....!

Thanks for the advice, I guess im worrying that the reason hes waking so much at night is because hes been used to being fed to sleep and its now the only way he will go to sleep.
Last night was a bit better.
9.30 feed, I swaddled and he went straight down
12.45 Feed, swaddled and straight down
4am- this is where it fell apart. I fed him he fell asleep so I laid him down, after 10 mins he woke crying and I couldnt calm him down, even bringing him into bed didnt work, so I fed him again and then just let him sleep by the side of me.

My dd was a bad sleeper and napper and even though she would fall asleep at bedtime on her own she would still wake twice a night until she was 1 1/2. I guess i just want him to learn to sleep alone to avoid possible problems later on.

I need to get more sleep but worry about feeding him to sleep each time he wakes.

Thanks for the advice, I guess im worrying that the reason hes waking so much at night is because hes been used to being fed to sleep and its now the only way he will go to sleep.
Last night was a bit better.
9.30 feed, I swaddled and he went straight down
12.45 Feed, swaddled and straight down
4am- this is where it fell apart. I fed him he fell asleep so I laid him down, after 10 mins he woke crying and I couldnt calm him down, even bringing him into bed didnt work, so I fed him again and then just let him sleep by the side of me.

My dd was a bad sleeper and napper and even though she would fall asleep at bedtime on her own she would still wake twice a night until she was 1 1/2. I guess i just want him to learn to sleep alone to avoid possible problems later on.

I need to get more sleep but worry about feeding him to sleep each time he wakes.