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Sleep

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Original poster

How do you cope without sleep? I'm not functioning

24 replies

MummySparkle · 20/05/2015 17:33

I have an 11mo and a 28mo. Last night I had 10mins of sleep in my own bed, and the rest was balanced on the wooden frame of the toddler bed. I am stiff achey and utterly exhausted. How do you carry on? I'm not sure I can continue like this.

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 20/05/2015 17:51

Do you have a partner to help?

Original poster

MummySparkle · 20/05/2015 20:04

Mr Sparkle gets up early with them in the mornings, but he takes medication at night time that makes him really drowsy, so I have to do the night shift (I now take meds that make me drowsy too, but one of us has to get on with it) all I want is to be able to sleep In my own bed without any extras in there!

We've just started trying to keep DS in his own bed at night and put a baby gate on his room to stop him coming into ours, but that just seems to make him want me in his! Then he cries out and wakes the baby and then it's a nightmare! Thankfully she slept through last night, but I find it so hard in the small hours when they're both awake and I'm cold and tired and I don't have enough hands to cuddle DS and feed DD :/

OP posts:

Artandco · 20/05/2015 20:06

I would just bring them back into your room if it lets you all sleep. Get eldest mattress out and on your floor, baby in cot in your room. Close door. Then you know everyone is safe and can reassure eldest your are sleeping right next to him.

Catsahoy · 20/05/2015 20:16

I hate co sleeping, I really do.... But we do whatever it takes to get some sleep! if ds isn't settling in his cot, I take him to our bed. It doesn't happen often but there were nights were I was perched for ages over his cot rubbing his chest or walking round the nursery with him or holding him in a chair and I think wtf am I doing? At least in bed I'm lying down and he just rolls around then falls asleep. I do like my own space in bed, it's the only "off" time I get so I hate having him there but it's better than getting tired, cold and frustrated fighting him to sleep in his room.

OP.

Original poster

MummySparkle · 20/05/2015 22:21

I love co-sleeping. Mr sparkle hates it. He insists on still having half of our bed. Once both children have starfished on my side there is nowhere for me to sleep. I've spent a lot of nights curled up at the foot of our bed, scared to stretch my legs in case I kick a child out of bed.

The gate on DS's room is mostly to stop him trashing the house in the mornings. His favourite game is to throw everything from upstairs down the stairs to watch it fall. Keeping him on his room is damage limitation!

Mr sparkle went for a cycle with a friend this evening. Leaving me alone with the children. I've been looking forward to him coming back so I could have some help. Turns out he rode too far, too fast, has burnt himself out and now needs me to look after him he could even manage to put chips in the oven, lazy git. so instead of me settling DS while dinner cooked, I'm now rushing my dinner to get back to a screaming DS upstairs.

I have up feeding DD and she has fallen asleep in her car seat in front of the TV.

shit mum of the year award goes to me

I'm exhausted. I've been feeling like I might vomit all afternoon. But nobody has asked me how I am

I have to be up for work in the morning, I just know its going to be a shit night.

OP posts:

houghtonk76 · 21/05/2015 05:19

This is tough, think you need more support from hubby - sit him down & explain u need his help, cooperation for sleep location plan & for him to give up some bed space - ur working too. Speak to GP about diff strength / make of meds to non-drowsy version for you & him. Wean ds off being in ur bed/room gradually. Can no one look after them / ds for couple hours on ur day off so you can nap?

I can talk - have 5 week old & last night I was breastfeeding him & my husband wanted to sleep on my lap! Thought he was kidding, but no, fell asleep on my lap while I was breastfeeding!! Asked him & where / when do I nap - said he will give me massage when ds is in cotbed in own room (umm, 5 months time then)!!

TheOriginalWinkly · 21/05/2015 05:24

You don't have a sleep problem, you have a husband problem. Selfish sod, putting his hobby above his exhausted wife, and refusing to facilitate cosleeping, which would allow you to get some rest. Kick him out to the spare room, or wake him every time you're woken.

milkjetmum · 21/05/2015 05:47

What time does your dh go to bed? I used to sleep 8-11 pm while dh was on baby watch, that helped give me the stamina for being up in the wee hours.

Agree shifts, if he sleeps 11-6, you get to sleep 8-11pm and 6-8am. Not ideal I know but survivable.

Or...kick him to sofa and have bed with babies until you have recharged your batteries. Then you canmake a non sleep deprived decision about whether cosleeping or controlled crying (or something else) is the best path for your family.

Iggly · 21/05/2015 05:56

Your DH sounds a bit crap.

You both take medication yet you have to do the night shifts?
WTF?

he doesn't like cosleeping so forces you all to squeeze up?

I would set up a decent bed in the kids room - that's what we did.

Iggly · 21/05/2015 05:58

I can talk - have 5 week old & last night I was breastfeeding him & my husband wanted to sleep on my lap

^what???? And you let him?!!

SliceOfLime · 21/05/2015 06:08

What Winkly said! Try and explain to him exactly how you feel. If he does any stupid stuff like this cycling thing again, don't 'look after him' - you have enough to do - if you weren't there, he'd cope. On the practical side, do you have a spare room he can sleep in so you and kids can have the bed? This happens a lot in our house (3yo and 9mo)! If not, is there room on the floor in your room or your DS room for a single mattress? Your ds could sleep on it in your room after he wakes at night - or you on it in his? My dd had a single mattress on the floor as a bed from age 1 just so I could go and get in it easily with her. Trickier with the baby to feed too but might help. It is so hard with the sleepless nights, you need to do anything you can to get more sleep. If your DH won't cooperate with any of it he needs to know you are seriously at the end of your tether - agree wake him up all the time, push him out of bed, I don't know what to suggest to get him to understand! Sorry you're having such a hard time.

Mrscog · 21/05/2015 06:34

I'd scrap the toddler bed and get your DS a full sized single, DS was not a great sleeper between 2.5-3 but we moved him to a single bed, which was more than enough space to share when he woke.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 21/05/2015 07:09

Why the hell did you put his chips in the oven? I agree, you don't have a sleep problem per se, you have s selfish husband problem.

Superworm · 21/05/2015 07:24

I think Mr Sparkle is the problem...

I would have a serious conversation about pulling his weight more. DS is a terrible sleeper and I slipped in to PND trying to cope with no sleep on my own. I slept on the hall floor for months before having the mother of all meltdowns as I just couldn't take it anymore.

If week days are the issue, he should do the weekends at the very least so you can catch up on sleep.

HellKitty · 21/05/2015 07:34

So Mr Sparkle can go out cycling for an evening and Mr Sparkle wants chips and Mr Sparkle doesn't like co-sleeping..

You need to have very serious words with Mr fucking Sparkle.

Needsweetstosurvive · 21/05/2015 07:43

Nothing to add but hellkitty you made me chuckle!

mrsdavidbowie · 21/05/2015 07:53

That's made my morning hellkitty

Sorry OP...being tired is debilitating. Awful feeling.
I've never co slept but remember dd at 2 coming out of bed at night when we had new baby. Did CC and cracked it in 2 nights. I know its not a popular thing here but my God, it was an end to weeks of misery.

RoganJosh · 21/05/2015 07:59

We have a folding double mattress which lives on smallest's floor. I sleep there with him and anyone else if DH is away.
m.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/art/20204586/

Original poster

MummySparkle · 21/05/2015 08:05

We both have long standing mental health problems, I think both of us would be reluctant to change our meds, although I have a meds review coming up so I will mention it. The one that makes me sleepy is, unfortunately, the one that keeps me sane

Something broke on his bike last night when he was 10miles away, making it really hard for him to pedal it home.

I put dinner on because I was hungry too! It was only sweet chilli chicken wraps so I'm due he could have managed it. It would have made the evening so much easier.

I ended up bringing everyone to our bed at 4am. I told Mr S tough shit! DS stays at nana's house Friday nights so we do get a bit of a break. He didn't stay over last week so I haven't had a rest for a long time.

I will try and have a talk with Mr S. He has been unwell and tired this week and I don't think he realises quite how much it has affected me. A mattress in our bedroom is a good idea. We are about to rearrange it, hopefully there's space to prop one up against a wall and then flap it down in the night.

I'd like to try rapid teturn with DS, but that's almost impossible to do whilst breastfeeding a baby as well.

I had a little more sleep last night. Need to get ready for a day at work now a Id much rather sleep!

OP posts:

TwerkingSpinster · 21/05/2015 08:06

What would honestly change in your life if Mr douchebag sparkle wasnt in it? Sounds like it would be better....

Fairylea · 21/05/2015 08:07

Your dh is the problem. He needs to do more and stop moaning. If he can't do it at nightime due to medication then he needs to do more in the evenings / times he is home so you can sleep.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 21/05/2015 13:50

Hang on, if you both have long standing mental health problems, why are his problems more important than yours? Why is it you thinking (without any further discussion) that you need to be the one to sacrifice medication?

dairyfreequeen · 25/05/2015 19:15

Agree with pp comments, you need to have a serious talk with your dh and at the very least, take shifts. On a practical note, lidl have an offer on single fold up beds atm (id be spending the weekend there if i were you!)

MrsSpencerReid · 25/05/2015 19:19

Ds sleeps in a double bed so if one of us ends up with him there is space to sleep and if he ends up with us one sleeps in his bed!!!! It's so hard no getting enough sleep. Even with this system is doesn't help when one is awake!!! Hope you find a solution

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