It's 9:30pm. I am touched out, tired and totally ticked off

[TheABC]

DS (22months) has always been a crap sleeper, typically waking 2-3 times a night. I deal with all the night wakings, generally co sleeping on a mattress in his room. Not ideal, but he screams if DH tries to settle him and we all end up tired. We used to be in a good routine - bath, book, milk bed. However, for the past few months, his actual sleep time has got later and later. I put him to bed now and he will talk, play with toys, run out the room or endlessly breastfeed. No cot (he climbed out of it) and he is capable of crying until he is sick, so leaving him to CIO is problematic. It's 9:30pm. He is still up. I have been dealing with him all day (he refuses DH and starts crying). I am touched out and very grumpy.

To prevent drip feeding - we moved house a month ago, although the late nights started way before the move. And I work 4 days a week; the interrupted sleep is really getting to me. Help!

The light nights have wreaked havoc with bedtime here (2 and 4 year old) but my take on it would be that at 22 months he is old enough to start to be able to learn to sleep on his own, and you and your dh together as a team can help him to do that. I think the sleep deprivation is too much for you to do it alone.

If you can't leave him to CIO (and full on CIO wouldn't be my choice either) then perhaps softer approaches like simply and silently returning him to bed, not engaging with him and gradual withdrawal might work? Starting at the time he is currently going to sleep and gradually bringing it earlier until you are at a more acceptable bedtime. Same with night wakings. Take it in turns if you can, and if it's DH's turn and he wants mummy, tough. Your DH needs to back you up and support you, even if this means your DC doesn't get exactly what he wants.

You need dh to help.

Thanks dairy and marooned. It's good to hear that. I think I will start with the late bedtime, then tackle the night wakings. DH is of the opinion that the night wakings are caused by habit due to the breastfeeding. I plan to night wean him when he reached two years old in any case, so moving it forward by a few weeks should not hurt. It will be interesting to see if it helps!

Hi ABC, does your DH do any part of the routine? We found with DD1 that it helped for him to gradually take it over, from bath then bath and pjs, then bath, pjs, story and so on. Now we take turns to bath both DDs and he does DD1's story and bed virtually every night while I deal with DD2. Also, I night-weaned DD2 at 12 months, starting with 11 - 5. She dropped the 11pm feed in a couple of days herself but still has the 5am at 16 months.

Both mine have been crap sleepers but generally are improving as they get older ignoring last night when DD2 was awake between 2.30 and 4.30 - I suspect teeth were involved

We night weaned by me sleeping downstairs on a campbed and OH taking her into bed for cuddles till she fell asleep and then back into cot. There was some crying but not hysterical and I felt she was being comforted so was OK with it. I think it helped them bond too (although I still deal with all night wakings bar illness/both DC waking/blue moons!). The problem is that they still have to learn a means of comforting themselves back to sleep and your help is likely to be needed for a while. DD2 has a dummy which she will sometimes find and settle herself. Other times I have to go and sit with her until its feed time or she eventually goes to sleep.

My DS has become a little nightmare too. I think its the light - his room is dark but the hallway etc can't disguise that it's not actually dark outside. He is much better and more knackered if we put him down after 8.30 but then we're losing our evenings. Oh well.

We tried rapid return which worked temporarily until he decided it was funny

Last night was a LOT better. I started the routine at 7:30, after stuffing DS with sleep inducing food. Bath (with lavender), story, milk - the works. I budgeted an hour to get him to sleep, including return -to - bed shenigans. Eight attempts and 10 minutes of sobbing in my arms, but he was asleep by 8pm.

Sadly, he woke up every hour until midnight, but he stayed in bed and went back to sleep relatively easily. A good start!!!