Wits end... endless sleep problems now at 5 moths

[BrittaBroad]

Been reading other threads on regressions, sleep problems but we seem to have fallen well of the end of the normal spectrum. DS, 5 months today, has never been a great sleeper. From about 3 months on we started realising we had to do a LOT more than most babies to get him to sleep (after a couple of weeks where he stayed up too long in the day and got grumpy). He is incredibly resistant to going to sleep and needs a lot of help. At one point we had to put a cloth over his head and have the hairdryer on while we bopped up and down... hellish. Now we do lots of feeding to sleep at night or if lucky lots of bopping, and daytime sleep only happens with walking in the sling or recently we have convinced him to occasionally sleep while rolling in the pram. He can get towards sleep/very relaxed but not quite close his eyes and drift off. He seems to 'cycle' through states towards sleep, but then get upset just when he looks like he might drift off or rev himself up again. His grandparents thought we were making it up until they tried to get him to sleep and saw the same thing. Anyway, his sleep was briefly ok (getting a four ish hour stretch at the start of the night) around 10-14 weeks, then pretty bad where we'd be lucky to get a 3 hour stretch at the start of the night, then 2 hour ish stints from then on. Then a month and a bit ago (when he hit four months) we went away, and half way through the trip his sleep dramatically worsened, with much more crying, difficulty getting him to sleep/back to sleep and waking nearly hourly (with the odd two-hour stretch thrown in as a treat). His daytime sleeps (usually 4 naps, of between 40 mins and an hour and a half) also went to hell at the same time, with it becoming very difficult to get him to sleep, and him pinging awake after 33 minutes... So sleep regression I guess. But now we are on our 5th week of awful sleep, on the back of months of really bad sleep. The last two weeks we have seen some improvement in daytime sleeps, so now he naps for about 45 mins twice and an 1 hr/1.5hrs for the other two on a good day. Hasn't helped night sleep at all. Bedtime had been the one thing that seemed sort of to be working, with a routine in place for a couple of months now of PJs, same music, dark room, feeding to sleep/nearly asleep (occasionally) and then being put down in a cot which is right against our bad with one side off. Anyway, the last two nights that has gone to hell too. So I just failed to get him to sleep and he's now crying miserably as his dad tries to sooth him (who previously has been great at settling him, but who is also finding it nearly impossible these days. What the HELL do we do? We are both totally exhausted (splitting the nights) and it's just getting worse and worse. Everyone in the world seems to have a baby who sleeps more than ours, and I walk for more hours a day than I sleep. We keep thinking it'll pass and instead it's just not... Feel like a total failure most days and other days like we just have an impossible bay (the guilt, the guilt)... Should we hire an expensive sleep advisor? Keep waiting and do whatever we can to survive? He's still EBF but really don't think it's hunger (he is still chubby and mostly comfort feeds at night), and our doctor says he seems fine, and that we should just sleep train him. I really don't want to but I am starting to understand why people do... Sorry for mega post. Any advice would be good.

...mostly comfort feeds at night...

What about a dummy for comfort sucking? Have you tried recently?

Oh God, I feel for you. You won't appreciate me saying this but despite how incredibly hard it is, I honestly think this is pretty much within the range of normal, at that age. (In that "normal" doesn't really mean anything!")

Personally I've come to the conclusion that how your baby sleeps is only a small percentage down to what you actually do, the environment you create, the skills you try to give them etc. I how story think the rest just depends on the child, and on his/her needs and development. I really wish I could say something more helpful as there is just nothing worse than prolonged sleep deprivation.

This sounds traumatic. Sleep consultants aren't that expensive and can be worth their weight in gold.

No advice I'm afraid but just to say I could have written your post. My DS is 14 weeks and in the last week his already poor sleep has taken a nosedive. His pattern more or less mirrors what you describe exactly both day and night. Today I have booked an appointment with a cranial osteopath in the hope that we can see some improvement.

You have my sympathy, the exhaustion is horrendous.

Wow that sounds horrendous you poor people!!! Lots of love and hugs coming your way.

My daughter at 4 months had been waking hourly for the last month bit she's usually settled within 10-20 minutes (touch wood!)

I don't think cry-it-out is a good method, especially for a seemingly clingy / needy baby. I would be on the phone to a sleep consultant NOW. Screw it! Get the advice from someone who really knows what they're talking about, its a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things

Best of luck xx

Would you have him in bed with you? I was never in favour of co-sleeping until I had DD2, who woke every hour or two throughout the night and I did it out of desperation for some sleep. She still woke for a feed (probably comfort-feed) every couple of hours but I would just shift her over to the other breast and then go back to sleep. DH moved to the spare room for a while.

I could have written your post a few months ago. It's horrendous. I ended up cosleeping just so we got some sleep, and it really helped. We survived the evenings trying to get him down and then bright him into our bed when we went to bed. And I actually enjoyed cosleeping, which I didn't think I would. And at least got some sleep.

Then once he was past 6 months we started doing some sleep training, which works well until he's ill or teething, then its crap again...

He's 14 months and last night slept 11-7 for the first time ever I think. I can't quite believe it.

I would recommend to try cosleeping to help initally, and get a sleep consultant - I was lucky that my HV is also a sleep consultant part time so was so helpful, but I couldn't have done it without her, we needed someone outside of the situation to help us put a plan together as I was too exhausted and at the end of myself to do anything.

Hope you get help and it improves soon. x

I know it's not helpful, but I am going through exactly the same thing at the moment awful isn't it. It seemed to have just got worse after the 4mo growth spurt .

Teething, probably. It isn't a 'problem' as such as babies usually don't sleep in the same way as we want them to...it will pass, honestly - your baby is not broken, and an expensive sleep consultant will not necessarily help.

This is just what babies do. Try and roll with it, respond as quickly as you can, reassure and cuddle and feed if required.

Calpol I think is another option at 5mo if obviously in discomfort or hot.

Good luck and please don't worry, this is totally normal. You've done nothing wrong.

Aww, I came to this post with high hopes and hoping to find that magical cure, but i guess there isn't one after all..

My baby girl will be 10weeks this Sat. She was a good sleeper till about a month ago when she got put on antibiotics (infected granuloma. Or so we think. 5hrs in hospital and 4 different consultants, doctors and interns. 0 communication between all of them, ended up being given the prescription by a nurse that had no idea what was going on or why the antibiotics... argh, long story, getting worked up just by thinking about the whole ordeal). We finished the course and she started teething straight after and it's been an absolute nightmare ever since, with tonight being the worst i guess. She is ok once we get her to sleep, but the whole getting her to settle at night can take up to 3/4hrs now. We have a routine that had worked so far but doesn't do much now. The kitchen cupboard looks like that of a druglords', full of CalPol, Infant ibuprofen, Anbesol, Dentinox, Gripe water, vitamin K and gazillion syringes...
Today... had her morning feed at 7:30 and went back for a kip, proper awake at 9 so I took her downstairs with me. She has been a happy baby for most of the day, playing and chatting away. But what started worrying me is that she had only 2 naps during the day, totaling an hour tops. We started our bedtime routine after 5 pm with the bath, massage, bottle, bed. She settles in her cot for some 20mins tops, and then wakes up crying. We let her cry for a bit, to see if she settles, but no. The second she sees me or my partner, her face lights up and is full of giggles and starts chatting away like a best friend you haven't seen for years. Tried using a dummy, holding it in place (since she is moving her head around) with one finger and resting my head on the side of the cot and avoiding eye contact and no talking. She dozes off eventually and i do a ninja roll over our bed (to avoid squeaky floorboards).. some 20-30mins and it all starts again. We even took her for a stroll after 10 pm tonight since the pram always lulls her to sleep. No go. Came home, fed her and eventually managed to get her to sleep just after 11pm. I am worried for her since she was up from 9am till 11pm with maybe an hours worth of naps during the day, her eyes look puffy and she looks absolutely knackered... but just wont go to sleep.

Sorry for the thread hijack and long rant but the fingers just wouldn't stop typing, guess the despair and frustration was looking for a way out.

For what it's worth, you're not alone. I am so tired and at my wits end too, and it's heartbreaking to hear your little one cry and cry and cry and cry... and no magic wand in sight.

Thanks for all the replies and encouragement. Had two AWFUL nights as DS got a cold and a bit of a reaction to some vaccinations (swollen, sore legs), so haven't even had the chance to check on this til now. Really good to hear we are not alone and this is maybe not so un-normal. My sympathy and commiserations to all of you who are or have gone through similar. It is really emotionally and physically draining.

FATEdestiny - good idea - we have been trying to encourage a dummy for a long time (having been a bit anti-dummy before he came along) but he only really likes it when in the buggy/car seat. At night he spits it out in disgust or cries like I were hurting him when it's offered!

Re. co-sleeping we are to some extent - from about 2/3 am on he is in with us, and if it worked well I would happily do that all night but it seems like when he's next to me he wakes even more often, feeding on and off with only 20 /30 mins bursts of sleep. He also can't latch himself on, so we both end up quite unsettled and not rested. When I manage to sit up and feed and put him in his cot area adjoining our bed, he seems to sleep a bit better near us but not right next to us.

Hetzl - we thought it might be teething a few weeks ago, and he is chewing on everything, but no teeth appearing and when we gave him paracetemol didn't lead to any better sleep . But I do feel like his lower gums feel extra hard/sharp these days so maybe... Could be one factor among others?

Think we will just try and SURVIVE for now, and start looking into sleep consultants - by the time we find someone where we live we'll have given it a bit more of a chance to pass. DS also finally learnt to roll over yesterday, having been nearly there for weeks. maybe that'll calm him down a bit...

I just really hope that by the time he is a bit bigger/out of the worst phase some of the gentle sleep training methods I've heard about might work a bit (been reading the No Cry Sleep Solution). Also wondering if starting solids might help, thugh I don't think it's hunger, I could be wrong.

Honestly, I am a bit horrified by how broken we are... We were doing well coping with 3/4 feeds a night as the norm from a month old onwards, but this is just too much. We are however getting a bit more support now. We have no family nearby but our local health centre (we live overseas) has referred us to a family group where I can go twice a week to get some advice and even a bit of respite. That seems pretty helpful and the very experieced staff there tried to get DS to sleep and couldn't get him to either (which made me feel a bit better, and not just like I'm crap at babies).

MizFreeze, that sounds so hard, really hope your LO settles down soon.

We have the same baby except my DS2 is 6mo today. Just been telling DP that I don't think things will ever get better But they did with DS1 so I know deep down it does.
I've just come downstairs after over an hour of trying every combination of feeding, rocking, patting, rocking and patting, feeding and rocking, patting and feeding, swinging and ssshhhhing and bouncing but he JUST WONT GO TO SLEEP!!!!

All these babies who just sigh sweetly, roll over and go to sleep. Makes me want to cry.

I get through the night by cosleeping after second wake up. Which is sometimes at midnight sometimes at 9pm, sometimes at 3am.

We used to have a long early night stretch. No more. And he wakes 1-3 times in the eve too.

All naps are in the sling or on me when DS1 not around. He rarely naps for longer than 30mins. I can set my watch and know exactly when he's going to ping his eyes open.

Also sort of hoping that a month from now he'll be on solids and a bit older and will be able to do some gentle sleep training too. But other times I feel he'll just never get it and nothing will work.

I remember those hellish days well.

DS was on par with your DC-the first 10 weeks we never got more than 1-2 hour stretches of sleep, he would only sleep with something covering his eyes and would not nap for more than 30m at a time. No-one believed me until the trained baby nurse HV came out to try and settle him-it took her 1h 45m to get him to sleep (he kept forcing himself awake when he got close to sleeping) for him to sleep for...8 minutes.

Hang in there. It gets-slowly-better. I know that's not what you want to hear but you're doing nothing wrong, it's just the way your DC is-difficult. For us, things started to get better when DS was fully established on solids (milk/bottle refuser so we started very early so by 6mo he was firmly into puréed mush). It wasn't a massive change-he started going for 4h at a stretch at night and naps stated lasting 1h, but it was something. I sleep trained (CC-he's not a child who would respond to the softly, softly methods) and once is managed to get him up to 5-6 hour stretches during the night, I used this to encourage naps too. A good tip I was given was to use a condensed bedtime routine for naps (dark
Room, stories, cuddles) so he knew what was coming.

Now, at 15mo, he's sleeping through7-6. I never thought we'd get here.

Survival is the name of the game. I went to bed at 7pm and DH would deal with him until 12am. This meant I got a solid 5 hours before the nighttime hell began. I then made sure I napped during his first nap of the day. It may have only been 30m but it was the only way I could function. I didn't go to baby classes-I chose sleep.

It will get better. If you can, ask a grandparent to take them for one night. It'll make a huge difference

So does the baby sleep better in car seat? Maybe try cocoon-a-baby?

Cut the naps down to 3 per day with the longest one at lunch. Feed with a bottle of formula last thing at night. Wake baby at 7 and put to bed at 7. Structure feeds and naps properly throughout the day.