Cry It Out - or - Do nothing at all

[Katekoom]

I'm seriously confused.

Dd is 4 months and waking hourly at night. Sleeps mainly in crib but also in bed with me for sometimes half the night.

I don't want to subject her to the potential stress of cry it out, but does that mean I should do nothing?

Gentler techniques that involve me comforting her through her tears, are they just as stressful for her little brain?

I'm not overly fussed that we bedshare but wonder if I need to do something as uppossed to nothing??

What happens if you never sleep train?

Four months is tiny, far too little for cry it out (fwiw, I vehemently disagree with this method for any child), or any type of sleep training really. Children will, in the long run, find their rhythm, and will 'sleep through' when they're ready. If you are basically getting enough sleep just now, I would leave things as they are. Sleep deprivation is hard though, just do what you need to to get some sleep - if that means baby sleeping safely in your bed then go with it.

You could try the no-cry sleep solution. I think there's a big difference between techniques that basically withhold the comfort that the baby wants until they give up (extinction) and techniques that very gradually help a baby get used to needing less parental intervention, but never refuse comfort. Techniques where you sit by the bed but don't pick up are sometimes described as gentle but, for me, these are still extinction-based and I think can be intensely frustrating/upsetting for the child. No cry techniques are much slower but you can make progress if you are patient. Sarah ockwell-smith has a new book on sleep which has a good section on looking after yourself and reducing sleep deprivation. Good luck!

The crux of the 4 month sleep regression is helping the baby to settle with minimal help from you. Do you do anything active at the moment to help baby get to sleep? Rock, pat, dummy, feed etc? Try to do it less, so baby not fast asleep, once in a while until baby slowly able to sleep without you.

the baby whisperer Pick up Puy down method can be used from 3 months and I used it very successfully.

Simple answer would be dummy and swaddle.

To answer your original question, if you ask on gentle sleep sites, people who've chosen to wait it out have reported babies spontaneously sleeping much better at night and, later on, requesting to sleep in their own bedrooms. This is generally later than for those who do sleep training, but then you are making life easier for yourself by just doing whatever settles them most quickly at the time rather than trying to get them to settle in cots etc. Plus less stress for the baby and more cuddles for you!

Sometimes (generally about 3am) using no-cry techniques rather than waiting it out seems the hardest choice... but I couldn't/wouldn't do extinction techniques and there's something psychologically important about doing something, however gradual the progress, in the hope of making things better in the future!

At 4 months old I'd do nothing at all! Tiny tiny and far far too young for any kind of sleep training.

If you're not overly bothered why do anything?

"What happens if you never sleep train?"

Most babies/children in the world were never sleep trained. Most of them eventually develop whatever sleep habits are appropriate for their culture without being left to cry. It's a case of brain maturation :)

try The Gentle Sleep Book - helped me with ideas and putting things into perspective x