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Original poster

Created sleeping problems

17 replies

Rebeccagreenhorn87 · 23/04/2015 13:37

Hi this is my first time on mums net. I feel so guilty about the first 2 months of my first babies life. Here's the story

After my labour we were in hospital for 4 nights I had such a horrendous experience in there and the midwives were giving me all different advice on breastfeeding. One of them was really pushy and told me the first thing to do when a baby cries is to offer it food. Anyway long story short I was so traumatised by my experience in the recovery ward after my labour that when ever my poor little girl cried she was automatically put on the boob. I was constantly feeding, had a very upset baby and couldn't understand how mums managed to have babies like this. She developed cramps every time she fed and was then fed again as she cried. I was so scared of going back into hospital if she dropped weight that we carried on like this.

Poor child was completely sleep deprived and in constant pain. It wasn't until this weekend on holiday with my mum that she saw what was happening and advised me to feed her every three hours and showed me how to comfort my little one when she cramped as her cries would come in waves. I now have a very happy little girl and it's only been 5 days. Isla a is now 7 and a half weeks and barely naps on her own now. Only in my arms. I am so upset as baby whisperer book and contended baby have said that now is time that your baby need to be trained to self soothe to sleep? I feel like I have ruined her and I feel so guilty. It's driving me mad that she only sleeps during the day in my arms I don't know where to begin to break this habit.

I feel like I'm just starting to learn to read my baby and I am so scared I get it so wrong again.

Any advice would be hugely appreciated

OP posts:
caravanista13 · 23/04/2015 13:43

This sounds entirely normal! Try googling Sarah Ockwell Smith for a different perspective.

YouCanDanceIfYouWantTo · 23/04/2015 13:56

Firstly, congratulations on your DD!

And secondly, please please please don't beat yourself up or think you've done anything wrong - you haven't!

My DD is almost 10 months now and for the first 3 months she only napped in my arms or in a sling - it's completely and totally normal - my DD would nap in my arms until around 6 months (when she got a little too heavy...) Please don't think about it as a bad habit to break at the moment. Have you heard about the fourth trimester? I really think it might help you to understand that by letting your DD nap in your arms you're doing EXACTLY what she needs so please don't worry about it. I think this is a pretty good summary: sarahockwell-smith.com/2012/11/04/the-fourth-trimester-aka-why-your-newborn-baby-is-only-happy-in-your-arms/

This parenting thing is hard, and no one knows what they're doing at first and it takes everyone time to learn to read their baby - but you need to gain confidence in yourself - is there someone you could talk to with a baby the same age? Or keep talking to your Mum! That's how I've learned a lot!

Please don't take the books as gospel - the thing is, every baby is different, and more to the point - they don't read the books about what they should and shouldn't be doing!

We didn't do any sleep training with DD until she was 6-7 months and she's doing really well now (most of the time - but she's a little monkey!) so please don't stress about it! You're doing a great job!

YouCanDanceIfYouWantTo · 23/04/2015 13:57

Firstly, congratulations on your DD!

And secondly, please please please don't beat yourself up or think you've done anything wrong - you haven't!

My DD is almost 10 months now and for the first 3 months she only napped in my arms or in a sling - it's completely and totally normal - my DD would nap in my arms until around 6 months (when she got a little too heavy...) Please don't think about it as a bad habit to break at the moment. Have you heard about the fourth trimester? I really think it might help you to understand that by letting your DD nap in your arms you're doing EXACTLY what she needs so please don't worry about it. I think this is a pretty good summary: sarahockwell-smith.com/2012/11/04/the-fourth-trimester-aka-why-your-newborn-baby-is-only-happy-in-your-arms/

This parenting thing is hard, and no one knows what they're doing at first and it takes everyone time to learn to read their baby - but you need to gain confidence in yourself - is there someone you could talk to with a baby the same age? Or keep talking to your Mum! That's how I've learned a lot!

Please don't take the books as gospel - the thing is, every baby is different, and more to the point - they don't read the books about what they should and shouldn't be doing!

We didn't do any sleep training with DD until she was 6-7 months and she's doing really well now (most of the time - but she's a little monkey!) so please don't stress about it! You're doing a great job!

scandichick · 23/04/2015 13:57

You haven't ruined anything! Small babies don't want to be away from you, mine mostly slept on us for the first seven months (which wasn't great in many ways, but he slept...). As far as I know, the Baby Whisperer is not evidence-based - if you Google the fourth trimester there's a lot of studies showing that interrupted sleep and just wanting to be close to mum and dad is perfectly normal, whole self-soothing comes much later.

YouCanDanceIfYouWantTo · 23/04/2015 13:57

Whoops! Didn't mean to post twice!

scandichick · 23/04/2015 14:00

Gina Ford can also be taken with s huge pinch of salt - apparently works with some babies not that I would know but most of the ones I've come across in real life just want their mum at two months, not a routine. As long as she gets lots of cuddles she'll be fine!

Ilovenannyplum · 23/04/2015 14:07

My DS is 8 months and only this week he's started napping in his cot by himself. Every other nap he's ever taken has been in the pram or on me.
If you have the time, I would say just sit down, cuddle her and enjoy it.Had I known that the last nap DS had on me was the last, I would have hung on that little bit tighter!

zeddybrek · 23/04/2015 14:49

Congratulations!
My LO only slept in my arms for months. Totally normal. You know your baby better than anyone so go with your instincts.

mariposa10 · 23/04/2015 15:21

It is good advice to offer a feed to a newborn every time it cries. What are the 'cramps'? Are you talking about wind?

Routines are not applicable to newborn babies, all they want is to feed and be held. Throw the books away and respond when your baby cries, there's no magic solution. Babies change so much and so quickly at this age it's pointless trying to force certain types of behaviour.

Original poster
Rebeccagreenhorn87 · 23/04/2015 15:32

Aww thanks so much everyone really appreciate your kind words and advice I have found that really reassuring and wasn't to get that book by Sarah okwell I prefer her tactics already!!
Aww don't get me wrong I love her napping on me but just got to readjust to this new phase in order to get normal things done like showering haha. Have any of you had a bath with your wee ones and if so how young were they? I have a consultation at the nct babywearers next week already as she settles really well in a baby carrier but the slings look a lot confier and closer to you. So I'm sure that will help too. Feel much better knowing I'm not doing anything wrong and can enjoy these bosies. :)

OP posts:
NewMumSept2014 · 24/04/2015 14:36

OMG, my DD slept on me for every single nap up to 3 months, and about 50% of those from 3 to 6 months. Its only in the last few weeks she will (semi-) reliably sleep in the cot during the day. Its a developmental thing. Don't worry, just keep trying and she'll do it when she's ready. Congratulations and enjoy it!

dairyfreequeen · 24/04/2015 19:54

you'll get to know quite soon which are the hungry cries, but even if your babys having cramps, (and youre bfing), a feed might still be what she needs to make her feel safe and secure, you cant overfeed a breastfed baby! Do you know whats causing it though? i love bathing with my ds, its a lovely bonding thing and as long as youre not using bubble bath etc you can start straight away, if youve got someone to pass her to when youre getting in and out. Enjoy the cuddles! its such a short time, never feel guilty for cuddling your baby

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 24/04/2015 21:10

You can bath with them from birth.Smile Do you have a partner - easier if someone to help you get in and out to start with.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 24/04/2015 21:11

Are you still bfing? A three hourly regime isn't the best thing for helping with that.

Flingingmelon · 24/04/2015 21:23

Congratulations on your baby OP!

TBH I could have written your post when DS was the same age. Here's what I wish I'd known.

How you feed your baby is up to you. No one else. Do what works for the two of you, try every thing, but most importantly don't discount anything because of what other people have told you. This is easier said than done. I firmly believe that me struggling with this delayed the bond I formed with DS.

Secondly and although I haven't read the full thread I'm sure I'm echoing a previous poster, for some babies sleep training and naps are a complete joke. DS never gave me more than thirty minutes break at all during the day, not until he learnt to walk. Until I met another mum in the same boat I thought I was 'doing it wrong'. He slept through quite early on though.

I found as soon as I stopped taking notice of anyone except DS and my gut feeling, we solved a lot of problems. A visit to the GP where we discovered an allergy was also a big help.

DS is now comically easy (well I think so anyway) but the first few months were bloody tough, your situation could and almost definitely will improve at any moment.

Good luck OP Smile

Flingingmelon · 24/04/2015 21:26

And we bathed together for ages (when my DH finally and quite rightly banned me from buying any more baby baths, seriously I could have set up a bath library). Easier without slippy bubble bath etc.

Acorncat · 26/04/2015 08:10

Mine only recently stopped sleeping on me and he's 7 months! Step away from the baby books and just do what feels right. Mine fed on demand, and very often, and was generally uncomfortable. He has silent reflux and allergy to cows milk, so fed constantly to soothe his throat. Feeding every 3 hours doesn't sound enough, they're all different I suppose though.

I put DS in his bouncy chair while I showered, or on his play may while I made lunch etc.

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