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calling out in the night

24 replies

Evita · 29/04/2004 12:48

It's me again with the seemingly never-ending sleep problem which has now taken a new and confusing turn.

Briefly: Dd, 18 months, since 6 months has been an excellent sleeper, always in cot awake day and night and gone off with no problems, rarely woken in the night except when ill. Recently we had problems getting her down for naps and night time sleep and have done a 'sort' of cc, i.e. we leave her for 5 minute blocks, go in, pick her up and reassure her very briefly (I've tried not picking her up and she goes utterly crazy) and lay her down. It's gone from taking over an hour to about 10 minutes. I wish it didn't happen at all but this is better than it was.

But now she's started also waking in the night, sometimes once, sometimes twice. She stands in the cot saying my name over and over and will continue to do this for ages, not really crying, just calling for me and sobbing like she's afraid. I've been doing what I've done in the day, i.e. going in and out and reassuring her which works half the time. Other times I've just lay down with her on the portable bed in her room and she's gone to sleep immediately, though I sleep terribly as she's a fidget and the bed's uncomfortable.

Has anyone else experienced this night time calling out? What does it mean? I think it's an anxiety thing but I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to start co-sleeping at this point, especially as dp is a very noisy sleeper and we sleep in the lounge which is also noisy. I've got a night light, we have a v. successful put down routine etc. and now I'm just puzzled and unsure what to do next.

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Evita · 29/04/2004 12:49

By the way, she's not ill or teething. And this problem started about a month or so ago, right out of the blue, not connected to any major changes in our lives.

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muddaofsuburbia · 29/04/2004 12:55

Hi Evita

What kind of nap(s) does your dd have during the day? I've found with ds (19 mths) that if he slept too long or too late during the afternoon then he can be a little unsettled at night. I now wake him after 2 hours - although he would sleep longer than that, I don't let him (unless he's ill).

I'll keep pondering this one - it is a bit of a mystery.

Mum2Ela · 29/04/2004 12:56

HI Evita

DD does this. She has for many months. Sometimes she will cry for a little bit and , if we leave her, will go back off to sleep on her own. Other times (like last night) she got herself really worked up and really sobbing. DH got into bed with her to soothe her but really I think she usually wants a bit of space during the night so I turfed him back out again! I tucked her back in and turned the landing light back off. In about 30 seconds she had gone back off.

I don't know why they do this. My DD usually still seems asleep whilst this is going on as she has her eyes shut. I'm kinda thinking that when she gets herself really worked up, she can't settle herself easily as she is disorientated as it is night, and not really sure what is going on.

Does your DD seem 'awake' when she is calling out?

No help whatsoever sorry. Just want tou to know you are not alone.

twiglett · 29/04/2004 13:00

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Mum2Ela · 29/04/2004 13:04

I think twigleet is right - I don't think its to do with anxiety.

Evita, have you tried going in and laying her back down, tucking her in, sooshing her whilst doing this, does she have a musical toy she usually goes to sleep with?

Does she have a dummy? I ask beacuse with DD the calling used to coincide with her losing her dummy (tho now we have got rid of the dummy so its not that).

karen99 · 29/04/2004 13:06

Hi Evita sorry to hear this!

After thinking back to old threads have you..

  • tried a tape with your voice on it?
  • slept with her snuggly so your smell goes into it?
  • put your t-shirt in the cot with her to snuggle
  • picture of mummy on the wall or side of cot
  • can dp get involved? Does he put her to bed too? (alternate each night)

Can you move her cot around so she can see you in the lounge if you leave the door open once you go to bed?

Thinking of you.

Evita · 29/04/2004 13:11

muddaofsuburbia, she naps about right in the day I think. It's usually 12.30-2.00ish, rarely longer than that unless she's got up very early in the morning.

Mum2Ela, dd used to do that little cry in the night thing occasionally and I always left her and yes, she did just settle on her own. This is different, she's standing up, wide awake with staring eyes, not crying really, just repeating my name. The one night we did leave her she continued doing this for 45 minutes, the 'mamma' becoming more and more pitiful.

Twiglett, I take your point and I'm not being (too much!) a soft touch about this but you know when you know their different mannerisms don't you? Well I've pretty much got it sussed when dd's in 'control mommy' mode. This may be a new facet of it, but my gut instinct tells me it isn't about testing, or rather it's about testing in the sense that she wants to know I'll come because she doesn't want to think she's on her own rather than because then she can prove to herself she's made me come. So I find myself in this dilemma as I want to reassure her if she is anxious, but I don't want to prolong the agony of it either. In terms of picking her up, it's very brief and I know it's not how you'd do cc 'properly' but it has seemed to work for her bed and nap times. If I don't pick her up she just yells hysterically when I go in and it all goes on forever. Or so it seems at 4am!

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Mum2Ela · 29/04/2004 13:13

Have you tried her in a bed? Perhaps she doesn't like her cot, grown our of it, needs a bit more space?

Evita · 29/04/2004 13:16

Thanks for your suggestions, it's much appreciated, I only got about 4 hours sleep last night!

Yes, she has a favourite toy, wolfy, who's been going to bed with her for ages. She comforts herself by stroking his tail. Musical toys she's never taken to so far but might be worth trying again. I've never tried a tape of my voice, maybe I should? But will that create a different sort of habit /need? Our flat's quite weird in that our lounge is 2 flights of stairs up from her bedroom so we can't leave the door open so she can see us. I've tried me sleeping on the put up bed in her room with her in the cot but she just calls for me even more if she can see me.

Incidentally, if it's not anxiety, what do you think it might be?

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Evita · 29/04/2004 13:17

Mum2Ela, I haven't tried a bed yet as I'm convinced she wouldn't stay in it for a minute! Also she's quite small so the cot's still very roomy.

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twiglett · 29/04/2004 13:21

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Evita · 29/04/2004 13:28

Thanks Twiglett. Actually I do agree with you in lots of ways. I'm not averse to 'leaving to cry' or however it's best to put it. I've always let dd settle herself even if that's involved her being a bit noisy on occasion. This just feels different. I guess if I felt confident that I understood why it's happening I'd be better at dealing with it. When I've left her to settle in the past I have felt I was doing the right thing, the best thing, but this time I'm really not sure. As I said, I don't want to go down the co-sleeping path, she's been a good sleeper and used to settling herself for a long time and I know she CAN do it. It's trying to find our way back to that that's proving so difficult.

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Mum2Ela · 29/04/2004 13:36

Obviously this isn't a brilliant suggestion and perhaps if your DD is doing this you may not want to go down this route, but have you thought about putting her in bed with you til shes asleep and then moving her back into her cot?

Occasionally DD will sneak into our bed from her room whilst we are downstairs and we can't hear her on the baby monitor, and she will go to sleep. She only does it occasionally and it doesn't seem to upset her sleep pattern.

Evita · 29/04/2004 15:00

Mum2Ela, that's what dp did with dd in the end last night. He lay on the put up bed in her room til she'd gone to sleep and then put her back in the cot. It's one option I guess but long term and every night it means we'll miss a lot of sleep ourselves. As I mentioned earlier she can't really come into our bed as it's far from her room and is in the lounge which overlooks a busy railway line so isn't a great place for her to sleep and the movement up 2 flights of stairs from her room to our bed wakes her up completely.

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karen99 · 29/04/2004 15:05

Haven't found much else on the web other than this:

link
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link4

elliott · 29/04/2004 20:27

Evita I sort of know what you mean about it 'feeling' different, but I have to agree with twiglett. Ds1 recently went through a phase of night waking (he was around 26 months) and for some reason I havered about using my previous techniques of crying it out - he seemed so much more aware, and I just doubted myself and thought I was being cruel (ds2 was also fairly new on the scene making me feel more guilty). But to cut a long story short, it got worse and worse (from a brief settle once or twice a night to up to four night wakings with more prolonged crying) and I just decided to go back to the basic control crying technique (coupled with a star chart as he was so much more verbal) and it got sorted really quickly.

Evita · 29/04/2004 20:38

Well, I think I'm just about at the end of my tether now. Dd screaming the place down, have left her for an hour and a half. My health's not good at the moment and I'm feeling pretty desperate and depressed.

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twiglett · 29/04/2004 20:42

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twiglett · 29/04/2004 20:43

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Evita · 29/04/2004 20:45

Thanks twiglett, I know about Millpond through a friend and have been considering contacting them.

The thing is, after my initial horrible experience of 2 hours or so of crying I've continued to do exactly the same thing but it just isn't getting any better and I thought it would by now. Tonight's like being back at the beginning.

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twiglett · 29/04/2004 20:46

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Evita · 29/04/2004 20:55

But what I'm trying to say twiglett is that I'm doing exactly what I did at the beginning and have been doing throughout this whole time.

At the moment she sounds like someone's torturing her.

Really do feel like I'm going mad.

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twiglett · 29/04/2004 20:58

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Evita · 29/04/2004 21:01

Initially it wasn't a problem in the night, just at bed times. But the method I adopted was Richard Ferber, going in to reassure at set periods of time and I haven't changed anything. It's been a lot easier apart from the new night wakings but I can't say it's been a miracle 'and now she goes straight to sleep without tears' kind of cure.

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