Advice on Controlled Crying

[natcoop1234]

Hello Everyone,

I was hoping to get some advice on trying to use controlled crying in order to wean my 6 month old of being rocked and shushed to sleep. We have recently managed to get him to sleep with out the need of swaddling by using the swaddle up 50/50 and now just sleeps in a lightweight sleeping bag. So we have had a small victory!!!
He generally manage to sleep from 7.30pm/8pm - 5.00am/5.30am in the since loosing the swaddle although some times in can be a little earlier.

We did have some success on getting him to settle himself to sleep when he was just short of 5 months by rocking for 5 mins or until he was sleepy and putting him down saying night night and leaving the room. This worked 3 - 4 times a week for two weeks. So we know he can do it. But then he came down with a stomach virus for two weeks followed shortly by his first tooth coming through. Since then is has stopped working.

He has the bed time routine of bath between 6.45pm-7pm depending on when his last nap finished. Followed by bottle book then bed, aiming to get him down for 7.30pm

Me and his dad is feeling rocking is becoming too much for us and him to continue, as with the weather getting hotter and living on the 5th floor of an apartment block (heat rises!!!!!) We are all getting too hot and bothered when we are rocking which makes him more difficult and get to sleep and bedtime getting later.

My questions are

1. Do i use controlled crying for night time sleep first or naps? Or tackle both at the same time?

2. My little one has recently learnt to roll from back to tummy but has somehow lost the ability to roll back. On times we have left him to see if he will settle himself he rolls over and get stuck and becomes upset because of this. Has anyone got any advice for this little problem?

3. Advice on Netmums website for controlled crying says to but him down when drowsy, but the problem is he doesn't get drowsy until we start rocking him.

Just hoping any mums that have used controlled crying could offer some of there experiences, how long it took and how difficult is was (we know it is difficult) or whether it just didn't work for them.

Any support or guidance is welcomed.

Natalie (first time mum)

You are so lucky to have a baby that age who sleeps through the night!
If I had that, none of the rest would bother me!

It does sound like he's sleeping well at night but it's sensible to transition him to a more reasonable bedtime routine. We used to hold ours until she fell asleep then transfer. One night I just started putting her down instead and sitting next to her with my hands on her in a comforting way. She adjusted quite quickly. Didn't sleep through for another 3 months mind!

I have used CC (on my first child) but couldn't use it until the baby reached and age that I was certain that any crying was not because of a need not being met. At 6 months old I assume my own daughters cries are because she needs something so wouldn't ignore.

That said, you asked specific questions of those who have been through it.

(1) Consistency is key. You Must (must must must) do it at every single sleep time, every wake up, every time, for as long as it takes.

It will cause horrible confusion in your child is sometimes you "care enough to go to his cries" (sorry for the harsh language, couldn't think of a different way to put it) and sometimes don't "care enough to go to his cries". He needs to learn that in relation to sleep, you will never go and so he needs to 'break' and accept this, so give up crying. The quicker this happens, the better for everyone.

(2) If he can't roll back, for the sake of his safety you need to be present to roll him back. Once reliably rolling both ways, you can then leave him on his front if that is his preference.

(3) You won't and can't get to drowsy with CC, because the point of it is lots of screaming which isn't conducive to drowsy until utter exhaustion hits.

I think what the advise means is only do this when you are certain the child is sleepy and tired. Don't leave a child to scream until they give up if they actually are not even tired anyway.

I should add that we used it for our DC1 when she was 12 months old and I was 7 months pregnant with DC2 so had reached the 'something must be done' stage.

I have never needed to use it with DC2, DC3 and DC4, since I made sure I didn't repeat my mistakes. I feel I would have been an irresponsible parent if I did not learn from these mistakes so that I didn't not need to use CC again.

I am not proud that I used Controlled Crying. In fact I am ashamed that I did, now that I can look back with hindsight.

Whilst I appreciate the feeling of reaching the end of the line and knowing that something must be done. But please think carefully if there are other options first.

Even the guy that invented it doesn't suggest the use under the age of 12 months.

It's possible you won't need to do full on controlled crying. With both my DS's, we started putting them down awake, never left them to cry for longer than a couple of minutes and urgent crying (you'll know the difference!) got an instant response. Grumbling, however, gets ignored. It took two or three weeks of running up and down the stairs a zillion times in the evenings, but they both got in the habit of settling themselves.

Does your DS have a comfort object to cuddle? It can be helpful. Also, DS1 loved his dummy which was a great 'go to sleep' signal (ds2 would have nothing to do with one).

Good luck, but I think taking the decision to nip the rocking to sleep in the bud is a good one, and you have to start sometime.

That sounds like cry it out as opposed to controlled crying fate?