controlled crying - help!

[icklekid]

Ds is 9 months and whilst he has, on rare occasions, slept through most nights he wakes 3/4 times. For the last 3 months I have been doing gradual withdrawal to get him back to sleep however this isn't stopping him waking and often ends up with us cosleeping if he wakes after I have spent 30 mins getting him to sleep. He hasn't had milk in the night for 4 months so isn't waking for hunger. I am back at work and desperate for a good night's sleep!

So after speaking to dh about options we decided to try controlled crying last night. However I realised I am not sure of a few details so would really value advice and ideally not judgment - although I know it is controversial.

Ds goes to sleep well when we put him down drowsy so thats not a problem. He woke at 11- I put dummy in and white noise on and straight back to sleep. Woke at 12 when we had to do controlled crying. Left him 3mins, 5 mins, 7mins etc. So first question - how long should I spend calming /settling when I go in? Should I try and get him to sleep the first time before I leave? Then secondly when do I start timing from? When I leave or when he starts crying? (At one point he was quiet for at least 3mins then started screaming ) 50 mins later he eventually fell asleep.

He then slept until 4 but I didn't go in as he cried for 30sec then drifted off for about 20 mins before eventually falling asleep.

Basically am I doing it right? Will it help him sleep through?

Don't get him to sleep before you leave

Spend less than a minute in his room.

You're not resettling but just letting him
know you're still there

Time it from when he starts crying and only go back in if he's still crying

Thanks am so used to settling him but I know that won't help him self settle...

Just remind yourself that the process is a lot faster if you're consistent. I think there are less tears overall that way.

Once they get it, the difference is usually very noticeable and it sounds like he's made progress already.

Agreed it is much quicker and less painful if you are consistent.

I'd recommend ensuring he is able to get his own dummy and put it in. I assume at 9 months as long as he can see and reach his dummy, he can put it in his mouth himself?

I have a short ribbon sewn onto the chest of all out sleeping bags with a press stud at the end - the dummy is attached to this. So baby always knows where to find dummy (a hand sweep across their neck will find the ribbon, which will then find the dummy).

If you are doing CC, you need to be sure that the baby has all of their needs met and so the crying is just because of fighting sleep.

CC doesn't mean denying the baby their sleep aid (which is the dummy in the case of your DD), it just means that the child needs to learn to access the sleep aid and utilise it for themselves, without you.

Just wanted to come back to update/thank those who replied.

Night 1- 50 mins crying up 3 times (see above )
Night 2- 50 mins crying up once
Night 3- 35mins crying up once
Night 4- 3mins crying up once!

After night 2 was much stricter with naps etc so he's always getting himself to sleep! I know it may go backwards but amazed so far and feel great for a good night's sleep!