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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Struggling: somebody help me get this baby to go down and stay asleep!

29 replies

ElleOhElle · 12/04/2015 15:01

DS is 5 months, will not be put down and it's driving me mad.
I've tried putting him down awake, and putting him down after 20 mins of sleep.
he just wakes up.
the longest he has ever slept for on his own is 3hours, that was once, more often it's 20 mins - 2hrs (2
hrs in his car seat after a walk or drive although I think this has happened maybe 10 times ever.)
most of the time he's awake after 10minutes of being put down and sometimes just screams the minute you put him down.
I've tried shush/pat sometimes he'll go off but not for long and sometimes he just screams. I've been told by health visitors etc just to let him cry and not to give in and pick him up, just reassure him. Well it doesn't work, he screams and screams til he sounds like he's choking.
I'm physically and mentally struggling here. he's hurting my back from carrying him round, my neck is hurting from having to sit upright in bed with him on me so we actually get some sleep.
I'm permanently on edge from lack of sleep and stressed about not being able to get the house in any order or spend time with my older DS. horrible and snappy with DH.
I just need him to go down.
if he won't settle for other people, they give him back to me but who do I give him too when he's screaming at me!!!???
I've tried lying him flat and putting him in a swing chair so I don't think it's a reflux thing as it makes no difference.
please help me!!!

OP posts:

crystal85 · 12/04/2015 17:11

I have similar issue with mine but he was younger than yours at the time. Don't know if you have tried it but we HAD to have a bed time routine. & move him to his own room so he couldn't hear us.
But he has his tea (yoghurt) then a bath followerd by new nappy and pj in his room already with light off curtains shut and musical Mobil on. then we put his sleeping bag on and gets a cuddle and bottle once a sleep we put him in his bed he would then cuddle my top (even now cuddles a mussin cloth from having bottle) and he sleeps with than next to his cheek all night so if he turns his head he can smell me. And has music on all night so not noise tend to wake him. And after about 4 days of our routine he would go down at 7:45 and not wake till 3:30 now 5 months on he crys if not in the bath by 6:15 and will go to bed about 7 and sleep till 6:20.
Good luck xx

Original poster

ElleOhElle · 12/04/2015 20:28

Thank you. I'm really trying with the routine but he is still mostly breast fed: just starting to move onto bottles so I'm still feeding on demand. just tried him with bath, story (with older sibling) bottle, wind and then put down but no he's just screaming at me. I think he's teething so gave him some powder. I'm so angry with myself for getting so agitated with him. I just need Jim to sleep.

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SoOverItNow · 12/04/2015 20:40

I remember this with both my dc.

They can go through growth spurt at this age and learning to tolerate solids is a change for them. Plus teething. Teething is probably the cause.

I gave calpol then a final bf. put into cot and patted until eyes started to go. Could take a while but then it was a good block of 5 hrs.

Mine didn't sleep through until much older but it was a quick feed at 12/1 ish then back down straight away til 6.

SoOverItNow · 12/04/2015 20:41

Ps. Can you lie down to feed? I lay on my side and sometimes we both fell asleep in our bed!

Cooper11111 · 12/04/2015 20:42

Sleep train, let him cry and go in every five minutes until he falls asleep. Everyone thinks their child is the worst and will be never stop (me included), but they always do. Usually the parents cave and that's when it all goes wrong. It's cruel for both of you to be this tired. The crying will be short lived, just persevere. He will develop and be happier when he sleeps more. Xx

Cooper11111 · 12/04/2015 20:44

FiftyShadesOfNifty · 12/04/2015 20:50

No advice here. Dd2 (nearly 9 months) is dreadful. It's taken over 2 hours so far tonight to get her down and she's still not asleep. DH is trying while I have a satsuma downstairs.

I'm SO over this. I've not had more than 4 hours consecutive sleep for about a year now. I too am generally moody and snappy where I'm so fucking tired.

She's been unwell recently but as soon as she's better we are going to sleep train. At 9 mths she should be able to self-settle and she can't so we need to teach her. I'm ok with the tears that will bring tbh, I can't carry on with the current situation much longer.

Beccus · 12/04/2015 20:51

co sleeping saved me when ds started 4 month sleep regression at 3.5 months. he was up v frequently, every 1-2 hrs but I just fed him back to sleep every time, and no transfer into the cot is required. I hated having him in my bed due to lack of space, but love our arrangement of having the cot next to the bed, same height as bed and side removed, like a side car.

Original poster

ElleOhElle · 12/04/2015 20:52

thank you
sooverit- I think half the problem is I do fall asleep while feeding but he ends up just lying on my chest for an hour we makes him even more clingy as he's so used to lying on me.

Cooper - how long do you let them scream for? I mean he'll just go on and on, he's never worn himself out he just gets absolutely hysterical and starts coughing and spluttering (he's always very congested so crying really makes him worse.

OP posts:

Original poster

ElleOhElle · 12/04/2015 20:55

50shades that sounds hideous, I really feel for you. hope your LO is better soon.

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Original poster

ElleOhElle · 12/04/2015 20:56

beccus, I think I'll get DH to take the side off his crib to see if that helps.

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MissBrighton · 12/04/2015 21:04

Ladies, I really feel your pain! My son used to be such a terrible sleeper, he could not settle and if he finally did fall asleep after hours of rocking he would wake up crying 20 minutes later. My back and neck ached so much and I was completely desperate. He is 13 months now and we're thankfully on the other side of it. He sleeps from 7pm to about 6.30am and does two good naps a day.

The first thing that made a huge difference was a visit to the osteopath. We had a very difficult birth and DS was stuck for about 3,5 hours while I kept on pushing to try and get him out. Eventually he was born by emergency CS. I don't know how your birth was Elle but if you can find a good osteopath who has expertise with babies it is really worth looking into. I had a different baby within a week after just one treatment.

Secondly we sleep trained at 10 months. We tried before but it was hard to know how to get it right, especially since sleep deprivation made me lose all perspective! We went with a sleep consultant eventually and someone remotely holding my hand through the process made all the difference.

I hope this helps, I know how awful it is!

Original poster

ElleOhElle · 12/04/2015 21:08

Thanks missbrighton. I have been taking him to an osteopath and to be fair she had completely transformed his digestive system but no luck with sleeping (for which she was very apologetic) .

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SoOverItNow · 12/04/2015 21:14

I remember someone telling me I had a 'Velcro baby'. If it's any consolation ( it won't be right now ) apparently babies who do this feel more secure and have developed good attachment which is vital for good mental health later on. However, this is not what you need to hear right now because you are completely bloody knackered and I really sympathise.

Can you express and try a bottle for the last feed? I did this sometimes and dh took over after bathtime and I got to lie down and nap for half an hour and it really really helped me cope. It took a while to get them to accept the bottle but then did eventually and dh felt great cos he was able to help.

Ps I wouldn't let him scream. It could be teeth, he needs the comfort of you being close. It will change. Soon.

Original poster

ElleOhElle · 12/04/2015 21:25

Thanks sooverit. he's just started accepting a bottle. so have started giving him that as his last feed and had hoped that would make a difference.
I'm not a fan of letting him scream, I have only tried when nothing else is helping and normally I only let him scream if I'm having to do something else like get older DS ready for bed/ school etc.

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Cooper11111 · 13/04/2015 02:40

However long it took for him to fall asleep. I used teeth, colds, hunger etc as an excuse for non sleeping for a long time. But the truth of the matter is, once we got him to sleep through at 5 months he never woke from any of those things- not even a tooth and he was a far happier little boy and i think he coped well with all the developmental changes because he was so well rested.

We used a sleep consultant to achieve the above, but I think if you use the same method consistently then it can be achieved on your own.

Remember it will be far more distressing to you than to him, which is why you will be looking for reasons to go in. Honestly, he will sleep and each night it will get easier.

Original poster

ElleOhElle · 13/04/2015 11:38

Thanks Cooper, I might have to try it. how many nights did u have to do it for?

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Cooper11111 · 13/04/2015 11:53

He is3.5 now so can't remember exactly, he slept through after 4 nights I think. The fifth night he smiled when we left the room.

Just done similar with little girl, she is only 4 months (10 weeks corrected). I'll prob get shot for saying that . But the longest she cried for was 25 min and I went in four times. Started ten days ago, last three nights not a murmur when I put her down awake at seven- I think she almost sighed with relief when I put her down. She was beaming ear to ear when I went to get her this am, much happier and content now she is well rested. I know people have their views on this but it has worked from me and I have two glowing and happy children. Maybe I was prepared to do it because I was desperate, ds was very unhappy and slept terribly until I did it with him at 5 months and dd similar. Now I feel such a sense of relief at the fact they are both happy and we are happy and have our evenings back.

kirstie197 · 13/04/2015 19:19

having the same problem with my 7 month old she is up every hour at night i have got into the very bad habit of feeding her to sleep in my bed but have been trying to get out of this for a month with no such luck! she has never had any sort of routine we have tried to get her into one but it seems impossible! heard the cheshire baby whisperer baby sensory way was good but again had no luck have tried most methods a part from cry it out losing my sanity very quickly and i go back to work next month arghhh

Original poster

ElleOhElle · 14/04/2015 00:19

Argh Kirstie, hope you get some sleep soon.
Do you fall asleep while you're feeding? I really need to break that cycle. I'm hoping to move him onto just bottles soon, so then I won't have the option to feed him?! the thought of having to make up bottles in the night though is gruesome

OP posts:

Greenstone · 14/04/2015 14:15

I feel for you Elle. We have recently had a minor success by tacking the Cot Nap. As in putting dd2 into the cot for all naps. It takes time and effort but it might be helping a tiny bit at night.
I had to do the whole spectrum of white noise comforter occasional dummy occasional swaddle and most of all loud insistent shushing and bum jiggling and head stroking. None of this patting to sleep stuff would work here.

After the first two nap battles it got easier and the crying was just the moany tired kind as opposed to the awful sobbing that breaks you.

I wanted to tackle naps because by the time bedtime comes around I am tired and fed up and lose my cool much more easily.

but the iron - clad routine seems to help a bit.

Don't know if any of that is possible for you? Hard when you have an older one I know.

Greenstone · 14/04/2015 14:16

I mean there never was any awful sobbing at all - just grizzling.
But it's still a work in progress!

GetOutOfBed · 14/04/2015 14:28

Op you need to find what works for you. Unfortunately at this age they are going through so much change its very unsettling for them and this can affect sleep. We didn't use any sleep training and d's happily takes herself off to bed at age 3, sleeps through and is happy and well adjusted. Please don't think if you don't sleep train you're setting yourself up for failure. I'm not saying it's not right for some people but it wasn't for us and I'm happy we didn't do it.

kirstie197 · 14/04/2015 15:20

elle - at the minute ill fall asleep (really light sleep) but only because she is refusing to lay down will only sleep across me such bad habits i have got into and so difficult to get out of!! same here when she weaned i was going to go onto formula but breastfeeding is just so much easier especially at night time but if she was on bottles theres no way i would be getting up every hour haha

ANYBODY got any tips of how to get out of this i just struggle so much to put up with her screaming its heartbreaking :( i don't know how long to leave her crying before i feed her
PLEASE HELP!

GetOutOfBed · 14/04/2015 16:19

Kirstie they have another growth spurt plus other things around then. Can you co sleep? Feeding to sleep isn't 'bad' don't beat yourself up for that.

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