Night shifts coming up- to night wean or not?

[milkyway1304]

My little girl will have her first birthday at the end of April. That week I have my first week of night shifts since starting back at work. She's breastfed, never accepted milk from any receptacle other than breast. She was very slow to take to solids but eventually started eating a few days prior to my starting back at work at 10months. She now has 3 good meals a day, and breastfeeds morning, evening and usually once overnight. I had planned to try to cut out the overnight feed but of course we've been hit with constant illness since starting in nursery, she's lost weight and I haven't wanted to deprive her of either comfort or calories. The feed itself is usually at 3am or so, she's back to sleep within 10mins or so and to be honest it doesn't especially bother me.

Coming up to the first set of nights though my husband is starting to worry. I've worked some late evenings and he has managed to get her down to sleep without milk, generally utilising ergobaby and a lot of cuddles in bed- she's settled by 8.30-9pm these nights (usually asleep by 730). Then she's woken earlier than usual, and had a feed. He's worried about it taking 2 hours to get her back to sleep if she wakes at 3am and I'm not there, and thinks we should bite the bullet and try to night wean next week (we are away this weekend). I thought maybe these night shifts would be the best time to night wean as I won't be around so nobody will give in out of sheer exhaustion. She does sometimes sleep through (and did consistently from 8-24weeks) so I am aware it's comfort more than milk she wakes for.

Sorry about the essay- just wondering has anyone dealt with similar?

When we night weaned our EBF DD my DP took a few days off work and took over all night wakings and bed time routines, it took maybe 3/4 days for my DD to start sleeping through. She has very recently started waking again in the night but I don't think it's down to hunger, it's more comfort.

I do think it will be easier if you are not there and therefore your DH has no choice but to find other ways to comfort your DD. If she is having 3 good meals a day she hopefully shouldn't be hungry and would be waking more out of habit than anything. But every baby is different.

So in answer to your question, it will probably be harder on your DH and DD for it to be done when you go on night shifts, however, you might see quicker results if you are not there to step in, additionally your DD will know when you are there and this for us causes more upset at the moment if I do not go in.

Not sure whether any of that is helpful!

I haven't yet, but am about to. Very similar situation here, without the night shift (DH works nightshift though). DS is 10 months and is also BF and doesn't take bottles. He was also slow to get going on the solids and still has days where he won't eat much. He is still waking at 10ish, 2ish, 5/6ish for feeds and then falls straight back to sleep afterwards. I practically could have written your post, couldn't I?
I have decided enough is enough and on Friday night, which is DH's first night off, I am going to try and start cutting out the night feeds. I plan on starting with the 2am one, so after the 10pm one I am going to sleep in DDs room (with earplugs or I will crack!) and leave him with DH to settle him. Like your DH I am also worried he will cry for 2 hours.
Shall we be brave and do it together?

Funny thing is I don't really mind doing the one feed, I just don't want terrible upset if I'm not here to do it. Olives at 3 feeds I would definitely be trying to night wean! I think we will start Tuesday as we are away for the weekend. Think I shall retreat to the spare room!

Was thinking of trying to delay the feed for longer each night, but then I'm worried that she will just learn that I will eventually give in so am wondering if cold turkey is kinder? What are you planning? She will also be missing the morning feed when I'm on nights but I know she's almost ready to drop that one anyway, it's just the bedtime and overnight ones she's really attached to.

With regards to weaning dd literally went from eating nothing and bf 8-10times/day to eating EVERYTHING and 3 feeds over about 5 days! I really thought she'd never get there but once she eventually realised food fills her tummy she hasn't stopped!

I feel similar to you, a lot of the time I don't mind, because the first feed is just before I go to bed, and the last one at 6ish isn't long before we get up (thanks to BST and waking one hour later- woohoo!) and I doze while feeding him, or if DH is off work he will get up with him after I have fed him and I can have a bit of a lie in. I also feed him lying down in bed (he is still in a cot in our room as we are renovating) so I usually doze on and off throughout the 2am one too. Every so often however, like the last few nights, we will have an extra waking or two and I get fed up and insist that I will night wean...and then I don't. I also always just feed him as I know it's is the quickest way back to sleep.
I think I am just going to go cold turkey. He is definitely getting there with solids. Some days (like tonight) he eats loads and TBH I think the days when he isn't so good are down to poor timing of bf and him not being hungry when I offer him food. So I think on Friday I will just make sure he is well fed and bf'd, then give him the 10pm feed and then leave DH to it. I think I need to be out of the room for this to have any chance of success. I thought about offering him water but I think he will just get confused and it will upset him more, and anyway if he has a full feed at 10 he shouldn't be thirsty 4 hours later. I aim not to go in to him before 6am. It is not going to be nice.

I am getting anxiety just thinking about it.

If you were night weaning without the night shift then it would still probably be your Dh trying to get her back to sleep so he would have to do this at some point anyway iyswim. I think when you are on night shifts would be the perfect time to do it.

I went back to work a month ago (my ds has just turned 1) and hace done a few night shifts. Ds was okish for the first few but the last one he spent most of the night crying and calling out for me so we've agreed no more night shifts for now. I think the reason it didn't work for us was that he was still bf 5x a day at that point so had to miss his bedtime feed, 2am feed and early morning feed, so it was quite a lot. Also I tend to do almost all the night wakings because my dh works very long hours so ds wasn't used to being settled back to sleep by him. Your situation sounds a lot more likely to end in success!

With my DS1, from 11/12mo my DH could take over for a night, and he would completely accept that I wasn't there so he couldn't have a feed (well the very first wake up the first night we tried this, he apparently moaned a bit, but not for that long, and soon he went back to sleep for DH faster than he'd feed back to sleep for me). However, if I was about he still expected to have a BF and this continued to be the case until he completely weaned several months later. So you may find that he settles for your DH when you're not about, but is having none of it if he knows you're there?

RedKites I suspect that's exactly what will happen. She's adapted very well to nursery, and to my working some evening etc so I expect she will adapt to this too. With some grumbling perhaps. My husband thinks it's unfair to just leave him to it with no back up plan, but I know of I'm here he will just give in after 10minutes. And after a year of not doing minimal night time parenting it's his turn I suppose.

If not of

If I wasn't there mine would grudgingly accept a bottle of end in the night. Just an oz or so to get her back to sleep. I always left him with some, just in case.

A colleagues ds wouldn't even do that. Her husband used to get a bowl of cereal, but the baby always went back down after.

I really don't think mine will- I've worked 3 consecutive long shifts meaning I've been away from her 14 hours 3 days in a row, and she still refused all milk! She will be a year old anyway so cows milk can be trialled!

Well my nights start tonight. My husband has done bedtimes for the past week with little trouble. DD slept through 3 nights in the past week so we decided that I would sleep in the spare room at the weekend and my husband would do wake ups. She woke once friday, got a bit upset but settled after about 25 mins of cuddling and a sip of water. Slept through Saturday, and last night woke at 4am and settled within 10minutes. In the end it's been fairly easy, but I think she was ready. So now we just need to worry about missing her morning feed, but hopefully she will be distracted by food! She's not particularly interested in that feed usually anyway.

Olive if you see this how have you been getting on?

That sounds really promising- I hope your DH is feeling less worried now, too.