18 mo sleep regression?! Argh nooooo!

[SmallBee]

Please help!!

DD is 18 months & since Sunday night seems to have flipped out when it's time for bed. We have a bedtime routine and she is calm & happy all the way through it. At the very end when we pick her up to put her in her cot she just flips out, crying & shouting 'no!no! Good bye sleep!'. She really is unhappy about going down. DH managed to get her to sleep by 9pm last night after a long time of sitting by her cot while she cried loudly until she finally fell asleep.
She seems to be getting worse each night.
She then wakes up after about 4/5 hours and it's the same story. I have to confess by this time of night I'm too tired to face the battle so I just sleep with her in a single bed in her room & she is happy, but I know this is bad & I need to stop doing it. I just can't face a 3am battle!

I've googled 'scared of her cot' & all that seems to come up is that it is 18 month sleep regression.
Please can anyone give me any tips/help/reassurance?
Please?

What about a night light?

It also could well be that she is now old enough to understand how to manipulate to get what she wants. If she screams for long enough she gets to sleep cuddled up with Mummy.

So she screams and screams and screams.

My ds went through this at the same age. He went from being happy to be put down to desperately crying when we left the room. After a couple of nights of sitting with him we tried just going in every 5 minutes but he was so distressed when we left we decided to stay with him, treat it as a phase and hope for the best! So I used to cuddle to sleep, sleep by the cot, co sleep as needed, and just do whatever worked. It was really bad for a month- ages to drop off, waking in night, then up early. Then It gradually improved until one night I was able to just turn out the light and leave the room. Three months in total.
He is over 2 and half now and no real problems since then. I'm sure there'll be others who'll say stricter boundaries and you'll get through it quicker, but riding it out and staying with him felt like the right thing to do in our case. Good luck

I'm not sure she is manipulating, there might be a genuine reason for her distress and you may not find out what it is. I would do what you have to but don't start things you don't want/can't do long term. They can learn cause and effect at that age, but not manipulation... Could you sleep in her room but not in the bed with her? You could take the side of her cot down or drop it as low as it will go then put the bed up to the side so you are close enough to comfort her but not actually in bed with her. As time goes on she might tolerate you moving the bed away.

They can learn cause and effect at that age, but not manipulation...

Not in relation to the OP, but wanted to pick up on this comment. I understand it may not be very positive or pleasant language to describe a toddler as manipulative, but that does not make it less true.

I would never describe a young baby in this way, but we are not talking about a young baby here and age (18 months) is important in the context of my comment.

Needsweetstosurvive - I cannot believe that a baby considers cause and effect but does not act on that cause and effect to their own benefit (ie manipulate). Where is your evidence for this statement?

I can use anecdotal evidence from my four children on many different fronts of this happening. Would it help you accept if I gave a "fluffy" example rather than harsh one related to sleep?

• If I bite Mummy's nipple she will stop my breastfeed. (cause and effect) So I will not bite her anymore (manipulating the situation to own benefit)

The idea that a baby can see the cause and effect of screaming = cuddling with Mummy to sleep, and not use that understanding to their own benefit firstly goes wholly against human nature and secondly is insulting to the intelligence of any child.

Why do some people shy away from say-it-the-way-it-is language?

SmallBee - I am sorry for going off on a tangent for your thread there. Needsweetstosurvive makes good suggestions about taking the side off the cot and butting it up to your bed as an interim to co-sleeping. We ae doing this with our 6 month old.

You also need to rule out any physical causes for waking (like becoming scared of the dark, too hot, too cold etc etc).

Good luck, I hope everything works out OK for you.

Nope, sorry, I still don't agree that it is manipulation. Don't need evidence to back up my opinion. You have yours, obviously, but I don't feel a child that young has the brain capacity to manipulate. Crying and needing a cuddle from Mum at night is not manipulation or particularly 'benefitting' from it, just something that child needs at that time. If you don't like cuddling your children in the night fine, but I don't class either of my boys as manipulating when they need one. I'm not 'shying away' from anything, I just don't agree with your opinion.

Especially since it started so quickly and hasn't been going on long term, that points to me that something is genuinely bothering her for her to be acting like this.

Op, you may need to be a bit more firm, I had this with dd and decided eventually that once she went in her cot she was not getting out of it. I comforted her and never left her but I never picked her back up out of the cot. A couple of nights doing that, I then moved back so I put her in the cot and stayed in sight but facing away and didn't go back to her. After a few nights I could put her to bed and leave straight away, she cried sometimes but very briefly and settled to sleep quickly. Once she settled herself to sleep she stopped waking through the night too. Hth

Great post tortoisesarefab.

Being firm and consistent would solve this. Sometimes being the parent means knowing that you do know what is best for your child in the long run, even if it isn't what they want. I find that children gain a lot of comfort and security from knowing that Mummy and Daddy make firm boundaries.

Something else I thought of - the weather has got warmer since the weekend. Could she be hot in bed? The weather is apparently going to get colder again by this weekend, maybe it will solve itself?

Here's hoping anyway

I know, it's hard when they are crying but the way I look at it is that you are teaching them to have a healthy sleeping pattern which is vital for health and well being. A good nights sleep is as important for her as you. They do all go through these phases and it's only through trial and error you sometimes work out the problem and sometimes you don't! Good luck

Thank you guys so much for all the posts, sorry I haven't updated sooner but I'm so tired.

I've gone for the being firm route & started last night. She went to sleep at 8:30 in the end & woke up from 12-3am but she stayed in her cot the whole time & I just stroked her hair & talked to her.

Tonight I've put her in a lighter weight sleeping bag as it's very hot. I read half her stories in bed and then said good night & left & she's been quiet for about 15 minutes, so fingers crossed.

It is hard being firm but you are right that it's for the best in the long run. I just need to stay strong now and not undo all my hard work by picking her up in the night! (DH is away tonight & he usually keeps me strong!)

Thank you for all the support and advice, it's really helpful.