Will it ever end??? (11mo sleep)

[timetolalanow]

Getting 11mo DC to sleep is a battle and not getting easier as he gets older. He will sometimes breastfeed to sleep for naps (very rarely in the evening) but otherwise needs jiggling and rocking. In the evening I can sometimes just jiggle/walk with him a couple of mins then sit down and he falls asleep in my arms after a while with singing.
Daytime is more of a problem. He can fight sleep for hours - any attempt to get him to sleep 'at the first sign of tiredness' results in screaming, kicking, arched back etc etc... I haven't got the strength for that, I give up and put him down. Often can't get him to sleep for his afternoon nap before about 4pm, then of course by the time he wakes up it puts back his evening sleeping time to 8 or 9. And then I feel like his bedtime routine is pointless because it doesn't lead to sleeping (bath, breast, story - crawl up and down the house playing for an hour or 2! - sleep). Plus I really just want my baby-free evenings.
At night he still feeds a lot but we co-sleep - so sometimes this feels manageable, other times I just long, long, long, for one uninterrupted night's sleep.

I won't do controlled crying, and I'm exhausted even at the thought of spending hours bending over a cot shushpatting a "sleepy-but-awake" (read: screaming his head off) baby, as seems to be the case with most "gentle" methods.
So I don't know if I have any other option than to just keep doing what I'm doing - but as I said, it seems to be getting worse not better, as he gets older and stronger and more mobile.

Is there any chance of this getting better by itself any time soon?

Or does anyone have any helpful suggestions??

Is there any chance of this getting better by itself any time soon?

The brutal answer is no, it will not get better by itself anytime soon.

The cold answers here are that at 11 months your son does not need any feeds in the night time. If he has access to his comfort source (you, it would seem) he should be able to go to sleep without crying. But he is doing neither of these things.

These are habits now that will not be easily broken at this age. Children are generally of school age before they can settle as an adult would (tired, close eyes, sleep), which is why parents try to introduce sleep ques (like dummies, blankies, comfort toys) early. You are your sons sleep que.

You need to decide what are your priorities in this situation. No magic wand will solve this, it will be tough, hard work (as you describe). It will involve exhaustion on your part and lots and lots of distress on your sons part if you remove his only source of comfort. He isn't emotionally ready for sleeping with no comfort at all so will involve a lot of screaming and crying.

Otherwise, decide on coping strategies instead of changing things. By school age he will be better able to emotionally cope without his comfort source at night and easier to bribe out of the habits he now has. Can you cope until then?

Hi timetolalanow, sounds tough. Would you share his general routine over the 24 hours? That would help I think in terms of advising you.

Have you tried just letting him have one long nap from 11 until 1 then early bedtime? He could be ready to drop the afternoon nap, my 12mo is showing signs of this occasionally but is still fairly easy to get down for each nap so I'm going to prolong them as long as I can! It does mean he isn't ready to sleep until 8ish as he wakes from his last nap around 3.30.

At 8-9 months my daughter was screaming with every attempt to put her into her cot (awake or asleep), cosleeping and feeding about 4 times a night. Now at 11months she goes into cot awake, settles quickly with me my her side and wakes once. It's not ideal, and a lot of people wouldn't be happy with this situation but on the whole we are.

It actually wasn't too hard to get to this point in the end. After 2 weeks of PUPD almost broke us and didn't work, we did a very gentle gradual withdrawal, adapted from NCSS. We never graduated from my sitting by her cot, but as she drifts off within 10mins I'm not complaining! Within 3 nights she was having a stretch of sleep in her cot without complaint, and within a week she was sleeping 730-3 in cot, then 3-7 with us. Lately I've been popping her back in the cot after 3am. We've gone back to co-sleeping and lots of feeds during various bouts of illness since but on the whole it's been easy to get her back to the prior pattern. Like you I really couldn't see an end but she was remarkably receptive to some gentle help. I also hate the words "drowsy but awake"!

Just to add my dd has recently dropped from 2 (short) naps to one long(ish) one in the afternoon, and with that her bedtime has moved earlier. So loosely she is up at 7, naps 1230-2 or so and is asleep again by about 730.

Hi! Thanks everyone - had a very busy couple of days, wasn't ignoring you I promise ;)

Milkyway could you share more about what you did? That sounds amazing...

It has occurred to me that maybe he needs to drop a nap but I don't think that is the problem. He is super tired by about 4/5pm if he doesn't have his nap by then, and when he's overtired he refuses to eat, cries throughout bathtime etc.

I tried more than once to force a child to hold without a nap. This was a bad idea..

OMG I am exactly the same with my nearly 1 yo (sorry if hijacking thread but wanted to share)

Up until about a month ago she settled usually within 10 minutes of cuddles for naps and nighttime. Then came 2 teeth and a cold and she would only settle with boob. Now she won't settle without it which is really frustrating.

She seems to go to sleep for my mum and dh however with just rocking etc. so she does know how to sleep without boob!

She also weirdly has started sleeping for longer periods and is self settling in night better - so it's not like she can't self settle...

I had to do controlled crying about 6 months ago as she was waking hourly and it is not something I want to repeat.

I also tried to withhold a nap and it was disastrous - def not ready!

Any magic answers about getting baby to settle without me and boob/ anyone is gratefully received, but I gather this is just the way its got to be for now. Bloody frustrating though - it took > 1 hr last night to get her to bed as she kept on waking on transfer to cot...