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Original poster

Help! DS refusing moses basket

17 replies

Bookish13Mum · 08/04/2015 12:40

Hubby and I are at our wits end. DS is 15 days old and refuses to sleep in his Moses basket. I was in the hospital for 4 days after birth where DH couldn't stay with me at night. Those 4 days were hell for me at night as DS wouldn't settle when I put him down. The midwives would come and take him away, which made me feel horrible and like I was doing something wrong. Coming home the first few nights were hard, but after feeding DH would put DS to bed and he'd sleep until he woke up hungry. I'm BF so we knew it'd be frequent, but he was at least sleeping in his basket. As the days went we started to get a routine going, bath, feed, wind, change, read or sing to him then the DH would put him to bed. He'd wake every three hours for a feed... it was amazing.
However, for the last few nights he just wont settle or sleep unless he is on me or DH- it's like we are back to square one. After he falls asleep we wait about 20 before putting him in his Moses basket, where he'll immediately wake and start to cry. BF, I find myself falling asleep while feeding or burping him while in bed out of exhaustion, which terrifies me, and by the time I wake up it's time to fees again. DS feeds for about 30 minutes so by the time he's done feeding DH has fallen back asleep and waking him just to put DS back in the Moses basket seems silly when he has to be up in a few hours time for work.

We've tried swaddling him only to be met with screams. His dummy only works for moments before he spits it out. I've sang, read to him, soothed him but nothing works. I don't want him getting used to sleeping in bed with us, and me falling asleep with him on my (winding him) or next to me (feeding) scares me because of how exhausted we are and the pillows and such.
Any tips would be great.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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FATEdestiny · 08/04/2015 13:09

You baby should be feeding or sleeping all of the time - 24 hours a day.

The vast majority of problems at this age are down to feeding issues. If your baby is feeding well and feeding enough then sleep actually comes very easy at this age, since it is all they do for the rest of the time. Difficulties getting to sleep and staying asleep are usually down to feeding issues.

So I would recommend finding some support with your breastfeeding or accepting that formula is not the enemy to a hungry baby.

Dummies are often spat out when baby is young. It takes a while for baby to 'get' that they can suck on the dummy to gain comfort. This may take some perseverance. At just 2 weeks old though, baby will get much more comfort from feeding, since you and baby are still learning. I would personally recommend keep trying with the dummy to get it established ready for later, but up to 6 weeks old don't rely on a dummy.

mariposa10 · 08/04/2015 13:32

The only way I got through the first few weeks was to have the baby in bed with me. My DP went into the spare room. I kept baby with me downstairs until I went to bed at 10ish and got used to eating meals with one hand.

Newborns are too young at this age to be happy to sleep away from you and lots of babies won't tolerate a moses until they're a bit older. Cosleeping wasn't what I intended at first but it was the only way any of us were getting any sleep and I got over the fear of squashing him. I removed pillows and duvet from around him and put a blanket over him on the mattress.

This is why people don't like the newborn stage! It's hard. But just remember it's a phase, it will pass very quickly. Go with what your baby wants, and don't beat yourself up about this routine business, you'll get there eventually.

caravanista13 · 08/04/2015 13:49

Although it's exhausting, this is perfectly normal behaviour at this age. Try Googling the Fourth Trimester and Sarah Ockwell Smith - very reassuring.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 08/04/2015 13:54

I'd advise looking into safe co-sleeping

Pookamoo · 08/04/2015 13:58

Hi OP

Congratulations on your boy!

As previous posters have said, this is all normal behaviour for a newborn.

As you are breastfeeding, your baby is working hard to get your body up to its maximum supply. This is one of the reasons it is not recommended to give little babies dummies at this stage as it can interfere with your milk production. Definitely see if there is local breastfeeding support for you, a group or drop-in session perhaps. Even if things are not necessarily going "wrong", it does help to find out that what you're going through is totally normal.

Babies love to be with their mums, I'd second having a look at the "fourth trimester" online, and maybe see if you can use a sling to settle him around the house in the evening. Your DH can do this, too. It's a great opportunity for skin to skin contact.

If you are worried about falling asleep when / after feeding, read up on safe co-sleeping and get yourself set up just in case you do happen to fall asleep... you'll find it's one less thing to worry about, too.

2 weeks is so little - remember, he was inside you just 15 days ago! Cuddle that little one, and enjoy this precious time.

Original poster

Bookish13Mum · 08/04/2015 14:12

So co-sleeping is fine then? I was told by the mid-wives to never do it, even for napping. DS feeds constantly throughout the say, usually ever 3 hours mow that my milk supply is established, which we were told is normal so feeding isn't the issue.
I love the new born stage, but being told how dangerous co-sleeping is it makes me worried.

OP posts:

Corabell · 08/04/2015 14:19

Co sleeping isn't dangerous if you plan it and follow all the precautions/ advice. Unplanned co-sleeping - that is falling asleep with the baby on an unsuitable surface is more dangerous.

I wasn't keen on co sleeping to start with as it frightened me but it was the only way I could settle my baby. Later, I discovered I could breastfeed while lying down and it helped me feel much more rested.

Look up safer cosleeping guidelines and as long as you are a non-smoker, you don't take any drugs or alcohol you will minimise risk.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 08/04/2015 15:06

www.nct.org.uk/parenting/co-sleeping-safely-your-baby

mariposa10 · 08/04/2015 15:39

Cosleeping isn't for everyone but the risks can be minimised so as to become quite low, so try to do it as safely as possible.

If you don't want to do it that's fine but you'll have to come to terms with putting your baby in the moses or crib and him crying until he gets used to it or reaches 8 or 12 weeks or so and starts to accept being put down to sleep by himself.

Cosleeping is a decision you make because it works for you, everyone has ways of coping and this was mine.

FATEdestiny · 08/04/2015 16:42

This is not true.

Making your point with completely false "facts" is wrong in so many ways. There are far, far more than the two black and white options mariposa10 offers here.

I have never, ever let my DD (or her brothers) cry, even from tiny newborns. But they have never needed to sleep on me - including when breastfeeding.

Dummy + bouncy chair for the daytime
Dummy + swaddle + bedside cot for the nighttime

Never any crying, easy to settle and good quality sleep.

The key to newborn stage is more feeding than you expect and more sleep than you expect. Feed, cuddle, sleep, feed, cuddle, sleep, feed, cuddle, sleep - repeat.

mariposa10 · 08/04/2015 17:57

No, there are other things you can try of course. I was just saying it was my experience of a baby who didn't like the moses basket. All babies are different, and as I said, you have to find what works for you. But in such a young baby being hell bent on independence and separate sleeping may not work at this age and it doesn't seem to be for the OP.

She has tried a dummy and the baby screams and rejects it so she either forces the issue or just relaxes and gives the baby what he really wants and needs at this age, the breast. It's called a 'dummy' for a reason, it's a substitute for the real thing.

TarkaTheOtter · 08/04/2015 18:13

Fate I think it depends on the baby. My first was exactly as you describe, my second hated being flat until a bit older. He also fed constantly and wouldn't take a dummy at all.

I'd keep trying to get him down in the Moses basket (maybe once a night at his most settled point) if you'd prefer but don't worry about it if he isn't ready yet. Ds eventually learnt to love the Moses basket and stayed in it until six months. Dd was happy in the Moses basket from birth but she is by far the worse sleeper of the two.

Pookamoo · 08/04/2015 18:24

OP, I noticed you said "my milk supply is established", and I just thought it would be worth mentioning cluster feeding. Nobody told me about it and I was shocked when my previously well settled baby suddenly started a constant feeding frenzy and refusal to be put down!

The link is worth a read.

Original poster

Bookish13Mum · 08/04/2015 18:56

Thank you all for the feedback :) I looked into safe co-sleeping but it still makes me nervous. I'll try the tips you guys gave :) Pookamoo, that's what's happening at the moment. DS is in some eating frenzy and refuses to be set down. While I love it during the day, at night its killing me.

OP posts:

ipswichwitch · 08/04/2015 19:12

DS1 hated the Moses basket with a passion. We moved him pretty quickly into a crib and he was much happier there. He always moved a lot and as soon as he touched the sides of the Moses basket he'd wake screaming. He also had reflux and hated being totally flat on his back. We propped the head end if the crib slightly which did ease it a bit for him.

He was also a cluster feeder - at one stage feeding from 8pm til 3am. Damn near killed me! They really should tell you about this as soon as you tell the mw you plan on bf, because I thought is done something wrong, and MIL started banging on about how bf wasn't enough and I had to start ff. I went along to a bf support group and they told me it was all normal. He did that for a few weeks iirc, then settled down again.

Pookamoo · 08/04/2015 20:05

I really feel your pain! Cluster feeding requires plenty of cake, tea, and control of the remote!

Rest assured, it will pass when he settles down again (and none of his babygrows will fit as he will have grown about 12 feet in length!).

At night time, the hormones that make milk are at their strongest, which is often why babies feed loads at night time. Then people mother in laws start saying they have got day and night mixed up!

There's a really good book called "Wonderweeks" which tracks babies week by week for their first year. Although it is not set in stone for every baby, they studied so many to write it that it is normally no more than a week out either way. I think there may be a website or an app, too.

mrsmugoo · 08/04/2015 22:14

Mine never liked his Moses basket. At night we co-slept, in the day I'd hold him in my arms to sleep after feeding. We did that for a few months then slowly worked on being able to be put down. I wish I'd just accepted it from the outset as it really is just such a short time! Mine is 13 months now and sleeps fine in his own room/cot with no "rods for my back"

Fwiw - I didn't give a dummy, I don't like them. I agree with the pp who said just just put baby to the breast more. Feeding lying down is wonderful if you can master it.

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