HELP! controlled crying not working for an 11 month old!?!?

[Tinybop]

We are at our wits end with my DS who simply does not sleep at night. I put off CC for as long as possible, but now the sleep deprivation has taken a toll and I feel very low. Thus we turned to CC.

He settles very well at night...drifts off on his own and drifts off on his own during the day-doesn't need rocking, singing etc. He has a bedtime routine which must help. He sleeps in his own bed-we co-slept until he was 4 months, then moved him into his own room around 5 months.

He sleeps for 1 hr-2 hr in the morning and again for about 1 hr -1 1/2 hr in the afternoon. When he sleeps less during the day, he still wakes up at night, so I don't think he's getting too much during the day.

The problem is that he wakes at night and sometimes won't go back to sleep. We have just finished night 4 of CC and it doesn't seem to be getting better. My husband goes in at 2,5 and 10 minutes and doesn't pick DS up, comforts briefly -a pat and shush and then leaves. The first night he cried for 3 hours and since then it hasn't been for more than 15 minutes in a stretch, but now he will wake up and cry for about 1 min sometimes every hour and sometimes as often as every 20 minutes. For the last 3 nights he has been doing this from 2-3 am onwards. I don't think he's asleep. And of course, we don't sleep because we can hear him.

We are also cutting out his last night feed as I've found when he is fed at night, he wants to be fed more often. I'm trying to drop the association with going back to sleep and feeding.

When he was little, one of the reasons he went in his own bed at 4 months and into his own room at 5 months was because he was thrashing/making so much noise at night. Has anyone else had experience of this? Is there something wrong with him? Should I persevere with CC? Developmentally, he has met all milestones and he is happy during the day unless he is tired. He is also suffering from seperation anxiety-maybe this was a terrible time to start CC, but I don't know what else to do!

Please don't judge me regarding CC. It is something we have turned to as a last resort. I think it was the right decision for us I'm just shocked/upset that it doesn't seem to be working. The lack of sleep has had a negative effect on my work, relationships and general outlook on life.

Helpful, respectful advice appreciated!
Also-sharing of experiences and support desired!
Thank you!

If he's suffering from separation anxiety I think this really is the wrong time to this this, sorry!
But my ds slept v.badly at night, tried the cc, it was an awful experience for us, didn't work after nights and nights. He'd only sleep in our bed! He was similar age to your dc. People said he was too young to go in a big bed but we were at our wits end.In the end we put him in a single bed in his own room with the cot pushed up to the side so he couldn't roll out but could crawl out the space at the end of the bed if know what I mean!we put a gate on the bedroom door so he couldn't escape either!And he slept every single night after that, he's nearly 5 years old now, and is the best sleeper.

Also you say he thrashes and makes alot of noise at night, that was just like my ds. He needs his space and I think he must have felt squashed in with the cot and hit the sides of it during the night and that would wake him up too.

I hate to say it but I agree it isn't the right time.

This sleeping pattern sounds utterly normal. It is scary the first time as you don't know when it will end so you feel like you have to DO something about it, but you don't.

Try to roll with it. It may impact on your life and sense of wellbeing but so will sleep training tbh. There is nothing wrong with your baby but your expectations may need to be adjusted!

Ditch the training and try to do baby-led sleeping. It affords a surprisingly large amount of sleep if you can manage it. But you have to allow yourself to let them set the pace iyswim. IMO a battle over this sets you and them up for failure.

I also have a bad sleeper. He never slept properly in his cot and I dread to think of the hours we spent walking him to sleep in the first 18months.

Things we found out:
He is very scared of the dark and actually sleeps better with the full light on (we have just cut it down to a lamp at nearly 5).
He overheats very easily and sleeps better when his room seems like an icebox to us.
He was better as soon as he was not 'trapped' in his cot. He still woke up but got into less of a panic so was easier to get back to sleep.

TBH though he still doesn't sleep though the night most nights. We let him get into our bed when he wants to just so we all survive. I would say this is about 50% of nights now, generally at about 2-3am. We have just bought a super-king bed- this helps!

He sleeps for 1 hr-2 hr in the morning and again for about 1 hr -1 1/2 hr in the afternoon.

12 months (ish) is the age when many babies drop the morning nap to move to just one lunchtime sleep a day.

A simple explanation for the changes in night time sleep could be that he is ready to move to one nap per day.

The single nap may be longer (more like 2-3 hours). This would push afternoon waking time later in the day which would make him less over tired at bedtime.

Expecting your child to sleep through the night without waking up at 11 months old is perfectly reasonable and definitely do-able

Hello! Thank you for all your responses...I agree that perhaps this isn't the right time to be doing controlled crying. Last night I put DS down at 7,I fed him at 2 am when he awoke crying and he resettled after that feed and slept till 7. Feeling much more positive today! I think the size of the cot might also be an issue! -thanks for suggesting that! It didn't even occur to me! I think he may be about to drop a nap too! Anyway, we are definitely putting the CC on hold for the moment! Thank you!

Your intervals are quite close together for his age. Ideally you'd go in after 10-15 minutes and not before.

I wouldn't be offering a night feed at all at this age either. He has no requirement for it presuming he is weaned onto solids.

Well done OP - sounds like a better night!

I wouldn't be offering a night feed at all at this age either. He has no requirement for it presuming he is weaned onto solids.

Fwiw I would definitely be feeding at night if the baby asked for it. It seems to be working so go for it.

I would far rather be woken once or twice for a feed, then have a sleeping baby for the rest of the night, than have some sort of contrived battle over times and end up with a crying child in the night.

They often need the comfort anyway esp if teething.

This is child abuse

What a stupid statement, really. You don't need to have experienced child abuse to know that a well loved child being left to cry for up to 10 minutes is not child abuse.

There is no need to try and make a parent feel bad. You should be ashamed of yourself.

My advice is to give your baby what he needs for him to go back to sleep. Whether that be feeding back to sleep, rocking or going in to bed with you.

He's so tiny and he shouldn't be subjected to control crying methods. IMO they are detrimental to any age child. All you are teaching him is that you wont come when he cries for you. It must instill such fear and abandonment feelings in their tiny little brains.

Just do what works for you both. Fuck what everyone else says about rods for your back or babies not needing milk during the night or dummies etc. All babies are different and you need to find what works best.

Hugs

I was just about to say... 'what a huge improvement, crying for three hours to self settling' and last night sounds perfect!! One waking between 7 and 7, a great result in 4 days!!!