Advice on self settling... What do I do?!

[Millieash]

Hey all! DD is 6 months now, ebf and feeds to sleep at night. I don't have a problem with feeding her to sleep, if that's what she needs then I have all the time in the world for her, I love breastfeeding & I love that I am able to give her that comfort. Also, once she's down, she's down for at least 10 hours and if she wakes, she does settle herself back to sleep (about 99% on the time, anyway) However, she obviously can't feed to sleep forever and people keep saying "she'll just grow out of it" but I'm confused as to how/when? She's not just gonna take herself upstairs one day or tell me "I'd like to just go to bed now". How can I make that transition? If I just put her down awake one day, she'll just be very confused... We did try it before and she got in such a state, we tried for about a week and decided it wasn't worth the stress and tears on any of us.. I'm not a fan of cry it out and it wouldn't work for her anyway... She just gets more and more wound up until she's sick, sweaty and swallowing air from screaming so much and she also seems to cluster feed before bed still, so she does need that feeding time.. On the rare occasion that she's fallen asleep early, I've put her down & she's woken around 10pm screaming the house down :( I'm also wondering how long I'll be breastfeeding for, she's started biting me and has teeth coming, if I have to stop breastfeeding, how will I get her to sleep? (She's recently started refusing her bottle :/ )

Thanks all in advance. I look forward to hearing your thoughts! X

Hehe I knew what you meant. Thanks for your input, it's very encouraging as there's so much pressure (or at least I feel like there is) to get baby to self settle and I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I was, however, hoping someone might be able to tell me their experience of transitioning between feeding to sleep and putting baby down awake...

Thanks :)

I've read threads where the DC basically just start taking longer and longer to fall asleep or stop all together so the tends to be a 'natural' time to try something else. Or a month from now or 6 months or a year, whenever, you may decide its it working for you and then you try something else.
But til then don't worry. If it's working and you're happy doing it then keep doing it!

I mean not working for you anymore...

Have you weaned yet? That tends to make babies more alert, and you may find she just isn't dropping off on the boob when you do.

I fed DS1 to sleep for naps and bedtime and night wakenings til he was 14mo. I then nightweaned and started putting him down awake at bedtime. There is a thread on here called "What worked for us" and I used a bit of a combination of that and Dr Jay Gordon's method. Worked very well and wish I'd tried months earlier if I'd known how well DS1 did!

IME babies gradually stop falling asleep while they are breastfeeding. Then type can start to think about how to settle them. My 18 month old has his milk (bf) then cuddle then I hold his hands through the cot until he's asleep. He just stopped falling asleep at the breast. I also second the pp - don't stop just because of teeth. If ou want to anyway, then of course but ou can still feed a baby with teeth! Mine both bit while teeth were coming in, but an unlatch and a form 'no' sorts it out and they do stop biting after the teeth settle.

Thanks everyone, I feel a lot better now! It's funny cause some days she seems to be annoyed if she's tired and I bf her and she rocks to sleep, other days she almost claws at me to get to my breast whilst rocking her to sleep and I switch to feeding her & she's gone in seconds! I'm not going to stop cause of teeth, I just meant if I "had" to stop like if she miraculously cut a full set of teeth over night & bit my nipple off hah I know that won't happen but you know, since she's refusing the bottle, being very clingy & won't let anyone else settle her I just feel quite tied down and get this sort of "OMG what if..." feeling.. Am I making any sense?! Ok, enough rambling! Thanks everyone for your help x

I know the feeling. DS2 only naps in the sling, basically only sleeps at night if we bed share and refuses a bottle. He's 5mo and I swore I wouldn't get into this pickle with the second one
I've dusted off my copy of the no-cry nap solution and my plan is to try to get some of his naps in his cot. I also plan to nightwean him a lot earlier than 14mo this time.
Incidentally it was teeth which were the straw that broke the camel's back with DS1. I'd not long gone back to work and he was still up every 1.5/2hrs all night and one Eve at about 11pm he bit me while feeding and I was like RIGHT!! No more! I started night weaning the following night

Yes, but the reason there's pressure to get them to self settle is that most if them keep waking up again after feeding to sleep. Yours conks out for 10 solid hours, so it's not an issue! I think what you're doing is fine. She will grow out of it gradually anyway.

My 4mo feeds to sleep and I don't mind but is that the reason she wakes every 1 to 2 hrs through the night? Om coping with that as when she wakes I just roll over to feed (co sleeping) then just a few mins later we are both asleep again. She's done this for over 2months now. How do I even think about getting her to sleep in a cot in her own room in 2 months time. Atm she feeds asleep lying in bed. If she falls asleep in my arms and I put her in her cot I know she would wake up as there's no nipple in her mouth (no I do not want to give her a dummy, not an option) and if I do finally get her to sleep and she wakes every hour, getting up going to her cot, getting her up, feeding her, trying to put her back asleep is not going to be as easy as rolling over feeding for a few mins then back to sleep again!! I could carry on co sleeping until she grows out of it but when would that be?!? I am EBF, should I put her on formula at 6 months (much rather not) then that would probably help her sleep as all FF babies I know sleep well. Basically how do BF mums who fed to sleep get there babies settle in cot with no dummy and get her to sleep in own room at around 6mo without waking every hour or so for a quick feed? If she wakes and I leave her she will cry and I don't want to leave her to cry.

Hey gg321

Has she always been like this? At 4 months, it was impossible to put mine down without her waking. In the end, my partner swung the crib right out to the side and I sort of stood in it with her & then we slowly lowered it until she was laying flat and then I very slowly took my arms away & she stayed. What a nightmare! But we were desperate for some sleep as she would only sleep on one of us. I got to the point that I was afraid to unlatch her & put her down until one night I thought she felt very hot, so I unlatched and put her in her crib to go get thermometer, when I came back she was asleep!! And that gave me confidence to try it more & more and now she's used to it.

I've heard that formula doesn't really help them sleep more, I think it's just that the mum doesn't have the option of using the breast as a comforter & therefore baby is forced to just settle. That's just my opinion though, so I could well be wrong! Have you tried encouraging her to feed for longer before she falls asleep? We do bath at 6.30 and then she feeds pretty much constantly from around 7.30-9.30 and then she's gone... I think that's why she sleeps so well at night, nice long feed!! X

My 7 week old is EBF and self settles. I find the trick is to allow him to feed until he's done, he will usually wake up a little whilst he's being burped and once the wind is up I pop him straight in his crib or basket. Sometimes it will take him 10-15 mins to settle himself so I stay close by but silent. If his grizzling gets louder or more frequent then I pick him up (we don't allow him to get to the crying stage), try to burp him again and pop him back down. Usually though he will grizzle himself out within 10 mins.
If your LO is in their own room then you can try leaving on a mobile or a light projector.

Both of mine have just stopped falling asleep on the boob by their own accord - nothing I've done to encourage it. Think it was around 8 or 9 months. Enjoy the feeding to sleep while you can as bedtime takes longer without it!

WithDD once she stopped feeding to sleep I would sit and pat her/sing to her til she was asleep. DS is different and I just lie down next to him and he eventually takes himself off after much rolling around the cot.

A disclaimer would be that DD did eventually stop falling asleep with me in the room too so at around 2yo, and with a very heavy heart, I did walk out and leave to cry at bedtime. Hated doing it but I have to say only did it 2 or 3 nights and it totally transformed her bedtime. She's an absolute dream now. I couldn't have done that with a baby though