Is it all my fault?

[Penguin13]

I'm feeling really bogged down and confused and am hoping someone can help me see the wood for the trees.

DD 15 weeks and EBF on demand has suddenly for the past 2 weeks started waking about 5 times a night. Having previously had a chunk of 5-6 hours at the beginning of the night her new maximum stretch of sleep at night is 3.5 hours at a time on a very good night.

I thought maybe the 4 month sleep regression had hit early or maybe she was having a growth spurt since she seemed genuinely hungry. I would feed her and she would instantly go back to sleep afterwards. Now 2 weeks later it seems like she is waking to feed out of habit instead of hunger as the periods between wake-ups are getting shorter and although if I try to delay feeding for a few minutes or settle without feeding (to check if she is really hungry) she cries, when I put her to the breast she will barely suck for 2 mins although she will go straight back to sleep afterwards.

I'm worried that I have inadvertently caused her to associate feeding with going to sleep and this is going to mean she will just keep waking frequently. I had been careful to avoid feeding to sleep at bedtime and for naps to avoid this but hadn't realised that by feeding her till sleepy, even though I put her down awake, I might as well have been feeding her to sleep. During the night I have always fed her if she woke and seemed hungry. I feel like I have just totally messed everything up Where do I go from here?

Sorry for the mammoth post and TIA for any suggestions.

You're doing fine. Babies seem to have an annoying habit of completely changing their routines and habits just at the point when you're used to it and think you've nailed it. It could well be the four month sleep regression (I thought I'd avoided that until all hell broke loose at 4 1/2 months!) or it could be a growth spurt. It could be anything but the trick (as I realised too late) is to just try and ride it out and stop trying to find explanations for changes. I would also say with hindsight not to tie yourself up in knots about the feeding to sleep thing, my DS still feeds to sleep at 15 months sometimes and he's perfectly able to settle himself in the night now (it was a long time coming though!). I'm sorry to not be able to offer you any practical solutions - maybe someone else will come along with some ideas - but do try not to worry and just go with the flow. It is soooo knackering but this too shall pass and all that. Good luck!

It could be mild reflux in which case doc is briefly feeding because bm is an antacid. In the very mildest cases the oesophagus only starts to get sore a few months in. Tbf I find the subject of sleep associations a peculiarly British thing. Babies have nursed to sleep for millennia, no problems whatsoever. But unlike many parts of the world we eat dairy, even though about 40 percent of us are mildly intolerant to it. This often results in miserable poorly sleeping babies: hence why the Chinese used to tie bells to their babies toes so mum would wake before baby even stirred, we invented pushing prams to the end of the garden and leaving our screaming infants in the fresh air for a few hours to strengthen their lungs. With Ds I followed all the baby whisperer sleep association advice to no avail, as he was unknown to me dairy intolerant, with dd I went Df and sf and fed her to sleep for every nap and bedtime and she was a fab sleeper.

Dc- fecking Apple autocorrect...

Sounds like my 16 week old although I'd be happy with 3.5 hour chunks, I'm lucky if she gets 2hrs a time but Iv tried so much, got upset thinking this will never change and she's just in the habit of waking up as like yours mine wakes feeds literally for a couple of mins then asleep again but I'm now just going with it as it will pass! I'm EBF and have fed to sleep from day one, it's working for us even though it's exhausting but I just know I will look back when she's not BF and be so glad I had the time when she was so dependant on me and only me. I'm sure if I used a dummy like people encourage me to sometimes I'm sure it would help her self settle but I'd rather it was me her mum who soothed her back to sleep and not a piece of plastic. It won't last forever

Thanks everyone for your replies. Helps to know I'm not the only one and also just to have people tell me not to drive myself crazy about the feed to sleep thing. I was actually fine with it till I started googling! So much of parenting advice these days seems to be geared towards making you panic about what might happen if you do the wrong thing!

Crazy that's interesting as I have been wondering about possible dairy intolerance. I've been going round in circles about it as she's had really mucousy poos which I think can be a sign but seems generally happy and gaining weight well staying exactly on her centile from day one. Are you completely dairy free? Is sf sugar free or soya free?

You're right GG I really struggled with bfing in the beginning but am so glad I was able too so maybe I need to appreciate that and accept the rough with the smooth.

Able TO not able TOO obviously!

Google can be great for something's but it can also cause a lot of unnecessary worry and u convince yourself you are doing everything wrong by things that you read! But you are not alone with the sleep and feeding issues you are having. I keep getting told my baby is waking so often due to feeding to sleep association, and apart from giving her a dummy which I don't want to do and I'm sure that would just create different problems I can't see a way of settling her without feeding her to sleep. If I leave her to fidget for a few mins she will eventually cry waking herself up even more so I just think I may aswell give her a couple of minutes on the boob and we both get back to sleep. Feeding to sleep is not bad, or wrong, it's a babies natural need for their mothers, they will grow out of it naturally (I'm hoping lol)

I was dairy and soya free for two years. Sounds awful but I prefer sleep to cheese and there's lots of great hacks, Betty Crocker choc cakes are Df... Gawd knows what's in them. Things to look for if you suspect cmpi are eczema, colic in the early weeks, really bad cradle cap, midline defects such as tongue and lip ties, cleft chin, sacral dimples, double crown (thought to be the same gene responsible for food intolerances), 45 minute daytime sleep cycles, sleeping best upright or on tummy. I really really wouldn't worry about sleep associations, babies love to sleep!

Just been through this when my DD started waking frequently at 3.5 months (after previously giving me 6 hours unbroken!). I tried a lot of things but honestly she re-settled herself at the 4.5 months mark. However I didn't feed her every time she woke. I fed her the same feed (5am) as before & just rocked her to sleep all the other times. Tbh rocking was harder than feeding but I stuck to it just for habits sake. It does take away the milk incentive & they do stop waking too much. Now at 5.5 months she's again waking due to weaning & stomach being not too full. Here we go again...

Ugh. Getting to the point where I might as well not bother trying to get back to sleep as by the time I do it's time for the next wake up.

I don't have anything to lose by trying an elimination diet. At worst I will have confirmed my instincts are wrong.

Thanks for posting your experience Artistic . I can see the sense in what you did but am loathe to stop feeding DD in the night the additional times in case she actually is hungry.

If you decide to eliminate dairy you won't see the full effects for about two weeks.
There seems to be such a "prize" attached to a baby that sleeps through. My DS never did. You are SO not alone.

www.isisonline.org.uk

Look here for sensible sleep info!

(NB, it's infant sleep, not a terrorism link!)

It's a difficult stage but you aren't doing anything wrong.
It's really normal for sleep patterns to change at this stage. Frequent feeding at night helps keep supply up.

Look at pottering' s link - that is evidence based infant sleep information and I think it will make you feel better.

If you are thinking about intolerances, elimination diet etc I recommend you get in touch with a local bf support group / La Leche league for info and advice. It can be quite hard to do successfully and to be sure that is what the issue is.

We took the route of feed to sleep at the first peep so as to minimise waking up. Started cosleeping at about 9 months (earlier than that we did co sleep unofficially but at 9 mo got sidecar cot and committed to it etc). Instantly we got lots of sleep

Dd night weaned at about 18 months of her own accord (sometimes still asks for milk but I tell her to go back to sleep and she does, unless I'll) and soon after that she slept through. I find it so much easier to get her to sleep that way I don't know why I woukd bother with any other method!

We do have friends whose babies always slept through, but babies are all different and some sleep more than others so don't get disheartened by other people's stories!!!

if you are going to try an elimination diet you need to be super careful to make sure you get your calcium (my ds has cmpa and im prescribed supplements), have a look at cowsmilkproteinallergysupport.m.webs.com for some useful information. However even if it is that (and id be looking for a lot more symptoms than just not sttn!) dont expect miracles. I feel like ive finally gotten to the bottom of my ds's allergies (5m) and he now only wakes every 2-3 hours instead of every hour. Huge for us, but doesnt really tie up with what youre saying about a good sleep pattern thats gone downhill.

Thanks for your comments on cutting Dairy Moose, Cat and Dairy and a very good point re calcium. I absolutely wouldn't be jumping straight to possible cows milk protein intolerance from just sleep issues. Aside from loose mucousy poos and a lot of windyness DD often has a red puffiness around her eyes which seems to be itchy as she rubs them a lot (and not just when she is tired) she is also often congested and has a bit of dry skin although not sure it's true eczema, which we've been treating with cetraben. Her dad has tummy issues after certain foods although has never been diagnosed with an in tolerances DD seems to be happy most of the time and her symptoms are not severe that is what made me question possible intolerance as opposed to a true allergy.

Cat we have had a sidecar cot since birth and up till now feeding at the first sign of waking has worked really well for us. Each of the 3 (sometimes 4) wakings was barely 20 mins and I felt confident that I was doing the right thing. It is only since the night wakings have increased to more like every 45 mins to 2 hours that I have worried more that I might be forming bad habits. Last night was pretty horrendous with the shortest sleep period being just 20 minutes which reminds me more of having a newborn! although the shortest sleep period in the night then was closer to zero minutes!-

Thanks for the link pottering will take a look. I absolutely know that sttn from early on is for a rare and lying lucky few, would be very happy to go back to 3-4 wakings pretty please!!

Nothing ever seems quite as bad in the light of day. I really appreciate all your comments and support. Even just writing out how I was feeling helped as sometimes it's the thoughts chasing round your head that drive you crazy.

Fwiw, my ds1 was the worst sleeper on the world; still up every 45 minutes at 1 year old, still up regularly at 2 and then at 2.5 it was like someone flipped a switch and he now sleeps 12 hours a night. Ds2 is 6 months and is probably up 3 times but is a dream compared to his brother.

They all get there in the end!

Thanks Pottering I need to remember that it's just a phase but when you're in it it seems like it's going to be for forever.

It doesn't help that DD naps for an absolute max of 40 mins at a time in the day but usually nearer 30. Have tried reducing awake times, extending wake times, trying to help her into next sleep phase with hands on arms/tummy, picking her up, leaving her for a few minutes before going in to see if she reaettles (not if crying) and nothing has made the slightest bit of difference. Today she was clearly exhausted but wouldn't sleep so I gave up and fed her even though she wasn't due a feed. Feel like the shittest mum ever

Not that I feed her on a schedule but she tends to feed every 2.5 hours or so.

Don't feel like a shit mum

It is easy for others to forget what it's really like when you're in the middle of a bad patch. Probably for good reason or we would all be traumatised! But I do remember a period of being so tired I walked past my own front door then didn't recognise where I was. And completely forgetting about meetings when I was back at work. It did get better!

I've got a rude awakening coming though any day as nearly 40 weeks pg with no. 2! So will be back to square one!

My dd didn't really have proper daytime naps until she was at least one. I think she used to doze during feeds then have a few very short sleeps sporadically. Which is no good if you want to do anything!

Cat congratulations. I hope you get a sleeper this time! Poor DD woke up after 30 mins and is so clearly still tired. Thought I had managed to rock her back to sleep but she pinged awake and started screaming

It's a really hard age this. We experienced exhausting sleep regression around the 4 month mark with DS1 and DS2. I think it is such a crazy time of development and alertness, teething, and also when they do begin to develop sleep associations. Feeding to sleep was certainly the issue for both my boys. Like you, I was hesitant to cut down on the feeds during the night just in case they were hungry, and then it went on until we did controlled crying after they were on 3 solid meals and having plenty milk, which worked like magic.... around 10 months for DS1 and 7 months for DS2. For DS3 I am planning to do it earlier though! Realistically, if they are having adequate feeds 3-hourly or so during the day, napping well during the day (yes, at this age more day sleep often helps nights), they really don't need feeding every 2 hours during the night.... Would suggest trying other means of settling them, don't give in to feeding so often, even if it works in the short term.

Some nap ideas: make sure the room is dark and quiet. Try not to pick her up, but rub her tummy, stroke her head. Even if nap is just 30 mins, allow just 60-90 mins awake time before trying again (don't wait for her to act tired). She is more likely to fall asleep more easily if not overtired. So much advice out there, I know..... I'll bet most people go through this phase so don't panic, you're not a bad mom!!

Thanks Cape I do most of your above but the room could definitely be darker and even though I watch for sleep cues like a hawk I seem to constantly be missing the sweet spot on her awake times lately. Frustrating!

That should read 'the above' not 'your above'