Wow I just want to say I could have written this post when my DD was 5.5 months....You're not alone ! I worried all the time "she doesn't NEED this feed does she?? She shouldn't be feeding this much at night right???" and it made me resent every night feed and made me feel very anxious that she would never sleep through the night and that this would be FOREVER...because at 4am when you're up for the 3rd time (especially if she wakes not long after you've gone to bed) it is CRUSHING to be woken up that often and have your sleep cycles disturbed like that. To not get more than 3-4 hours of sleep in one stretch is what is making you feel like this - you are exhausted ! Especially if she catnaps in the day time so you can't sleep when she sleeps in the day. I really feel for you, the anxiety, the arguments the irritability from being so fricking tired and wrung out....it's SO normal. You're a hero for doing it and for responding to your baby and being there for her all night. It does sound like she is reverse cycling - ie. eating so much at night time that she is not hungry in the day time. This could be a phase though - it happened to me when my DD was about 6 months she was way too busy to feed in the day time - too distractible so was waking more at night...I had to just feed her in a dark room with white noise on to get her to take a proper feed in the day times !
What helped for me was taking control of the situation....If I were you I would not take anti-depressants and this is a temporary state of anxiety and depression which by the sounds of it is directly related to the amount of sleep you're not getting and your feelings surrounding this. You said you never argued with your DP before..and that you have a lovely daughter and want to enjoy her...it sounds like the sleeping issues and your anxiety over them is what's causing your negative feelings and that is totally normal considering you're massively sleep deprived. I'm not sure that taking anti-depressants will be a good solution as it's pumping your body full of powerful drugs but it's not solving the problem. You need to change your baby's sleep problems or find a way to think differently about it and make peace with feeding your baby however many times she wakes up at night.
I was at my wits end too but what helped for me was I read this sleep consultant's blog (as couldn't afford sleep consultant but I would seriously consider hiring a sleep consultant before going on anti-depressants!!!) called Wee Bee Dreaming Sleep Consultant - read all the entries on her blog and implemented some of her ideas on there such as white noise in my baby's room (radio tuned to static) - I think this worked really well!!! I broke the feed to sleep association by changing the bedtime routine slightly so I was feeding my baby after her bath with the lights still on, then getting her into her pyjamas, cleaning her teeth, reading her a story, then activating a musical box (sleep cue), turning out the lights, quick cuddle saying into her ear in a low soothing voice 'time to sleep now darling, night night', lowering her into her cot, putting on white noise, and walking out. She cried for about 5 mins and then settled herself. If she had cried for more than 5 mins I would walk in, pat her or pick her up and say again softly 'time to sleep now' and then put her back in her cot and walk straight out, and repeat. I know 5 mins of crying might seem like the end of the world, but when my DD was 4 months I forced myself to leave her just to see if she could settle herself...to give her the chance..and she did ! After 4 mins the cries started to die down...then 6 mins on the dot she was quiet and asleep. It was hard but so worth it.
She was waking at 10.30, 1am, 3am and then for the day at 6am.
The white noise helped immensely I think because when she woke at 10.30pm the first night of sleep training, she cried for less than 5 mins and then settled herself back to sleep. We had set a time limit of 5 mins...after 5 mins one of us would go in, pat her and say 'time to sleep now' and walk out, and repeat...But she never cried for more than 5 mins so we didn't have to go in there. After a couple of nights of this (sometimes an hour or two of on-and-off crying but never more than 5 mins at a time) she stopped waking at all and only woke at 1am for a feed. Then I did the same thing - leaving her to cry a little bit, and a little bit of settling with just the boring 'time to sleep now' thing at 1am - and eventually she stopped waking at 1am too and now usually wakes only at 3am for one feed. She is almost 9 months now so we are trying to drop this feed too as we know she is capable of going all night with no milk.
Your baby may be capable of going longer without a feed too but she has got into the habit of it and you need to do a bit of sleep training I think to help her break the habit. Her body clock will be so used to waking at these times, you have to help her get the message, that no, Mummy is still here but this is time for sleeping, not eating. Decide on a time you are happy to feed her and just stick to that at first and do not feed her before then. I picked Midnight at first. The more boring you are eg. Just "time to sleep now" (no cuddling or picking up or shhhing or stroking or dummies) the more she will learn it's not worth waking up for. And you have to be consistent - do the same boring thing every time - it won't work if you do that but your DP goes in there and picks her up and goes "oooh sweetie shush now it's sleep time" and rocks her for 5 mins before putting her down. She will get confused and she will just cry for that attention again.
That's the theory anyway and it works for a lot of people. It will be a little bit of short term crying but she will have a happier and better rested Mummy which will be much better for her in the long term. Plus she will have better quality sleep too.
Good luck and please think twice about taking anti-depressants...what you are feeling is totally normal and it will pass - you do have the power to gently alter your baby's sleep over a short-ish period of time with patience and persistence and consistency. For us we saw a change in 4 nights....so try the white noise and make a few tweaks to bedtime routine and see what happens..I know it's nerve wracking but it's worth it. If you need a sleep consultant to support you through it, do it, it's your sanity and your relationship on the line here !!
