The dreaded dummy dependency...

[LePetitPont]

My little boy is about to hit 6 months - he's a happy, sparky bean and a light sleeper. We gave him a dummy at about 6 weeks which really helped him to self-settle of sorts but now he's a bit too dependent and wakes up a lot in the night for it. It's also hard to tell when he wants a feed (ebf) or when he wants the dummy. We want to address this so he can move to his own room and feel like there's a choice of routes.

Any experience on the below or anything obvious I'm missing?

1. we just ordered a Sleepytot rabbit which you attach dummies to so he can - theoretically! - find it himself in the night.

2. pantley pull out - we've had a few half-hearted goes at bed time... Is it worth persisting?

3. cold turkey - no dummy. Concerned about the crying... He goes down relatively awake at bedtime and for naps and will go off on his own. What happens instead without the dummy? I am scared to lose it totally - are we back to rocking to sleep?

4. pick up put down - do this sometimes with success but always use the dummy as well.

Thanks - sorry for the length!!

I wouldn't worry too much about it. We started using the dummy at 6 weeks for our first and it was an absolute game-changer. We only used it for sleeps (night and daytime naps) and he never asked for it outside these times.

Yes you have to go through the replacing dummy thing during the night (a small price to pay for a content child!)

We then stopped using it aged three by asking him if he wanted to trade it in for a toy of his choice! And he pretty much stopped relying on it overnight.

If it's what he wants, and it keeps him happy (and he's not waking up too many times in a night) then personally, I wouldn't worry to much about stopping it now

Definitely agree about it being a game changer! I can still remember the first time we used it - everyone went to sleep in about 10 mins after a feed instead of pacing round the room for over an hour. It was a miracle!

And he definitely finds it of comfort, just getting to get of tether with the 1 to 2 hourly replacements (some of which only last 15 mins...) and consequent broken sleep. It's manageable now as he's in a bednest but that has to go back soon as he'll be too big and will need to go in a cot in his own room and I can't face the thought of in and out of bed all night.

End of tether... And bed nest is rented so has to go back!

Is there a reason why he needs to go into his own room?

My son stayed in a bedside cot (a fullsize one with the side closest to the bed flipped up) for a long time, partly for this reason. He did very soon get much better about finding and retrieving the dummy in his sleep, too.

He only had the dummy at bedtime, and has just given it up, shortly before his third birthday - with no problems. He's an excellent sleeper. I was very dubious about giving him a dummy in the first place, but it was a good decision.

In your shoes I wouldn't remove the dummy, and would go with the path of least resistance - whatever is the best compromise between your own sleep and his comfort. In our case, that was keeping him by our bedside for the least disturbance possible for midnight dummy replacements.

DD still has her dummy at 18 months, and we went through a few months of 'sticking-back-in-dummy' once or twice at night .... as for whether LO wants a feed opr dummy, start by giving the dummy, and see if that works, if its a feed he's looking for, he'll let you know soon enough ;-)
By about 8-9 months, DD could find it by herself

We tried the Pantley pull out, didn't work. He'd just woke after 20 mins screaming for the dummy. Bought a sleepy tot - he 'got' it quick enough but it didn't work because he sleeps in his front so it didn't go with him with he turned his head. People told me to ride it out until he could find them (he had 6 in his cot!) himself, but I'd have gone loopy through lack of sleep by then. So with the help of a sleep consultant (I really was getting desperate!) we went cold turkey. Not fun, I won't lie. We started with the first nap and he cried for 20 mins or so, left him for first 5 mins, then went in, and went in whenever the crying escalated to really upset crying, iyswim. That first night he woke one after his dream feed - amazing. He never cried for more than 40 mins or so, and it was down to 10 mins or so within 3 days. Two weeks later we get hardly any crying and he's sleeping through (albeit waking at 5.30 am - I'm working on that!) Naps were only 25 mins at first, but these last few days he's been napping over 2 hours. My recommendation : go cold turkey. But throw them all away and get your partner on board to talk you down when you're tempted to let the baby suck on your thumb (in a previous cold turkey attempt I did actually resort to that ).

Meant to say, he was just 6 months. We didn't rock to sleep or do pick up put down as such, I patted /stroked him in his cot unless he was very upset, and picked him up and cuddled until he calmed down if very upset.

Thanks, all - helpful to get a range of views.

If it were once or twice a night we'd just carry on with the dummy as is until he for the jist of popping it back in himself but it isn't... Typically it's 45 mins to an hour after bedtime, then 2 hours after that til a feed about 12 or 1 (so at max a 3.5 hour stretch) then every one to two hours after then more often than not he's in with me from 4.30/5 with a feed then needing dummy every 20/30 mins til 7 ish.

We don't have room for a cot bed at either side of our bed unfortunately - possibly at the bottom of the bed of we relocate the chest of drawers. That's worth a try...

Sleepytot on order so fingers crossed that helps. He is good at taking the dummy out, just not back in again!

But the cold turkey experience is compelling for a longer term solution! He only has the dummy for cot naps or sleep, he's fine without it in the day and for naps in the sling / pushchair / car.

beckworth can I ask about your sleep consultant? My husband has suggested this, would be good to have some hand-holding as I am loathe to let him whimper let alone cry!

Maybe if he takes the dummy for 15/20 mins then wakes up again he needs a feed? He really doesn't cry unless he's in pain so it's so hard to tell!

I was the same re: whimpering/crying. My other half and the sleep consultant said that my 'crying scale' was out of whack - what the other half says was a 4, or whinging, I had up at a 7 or 8...understandable really, but that's exactly why I decided to go with the sleep consultant option, I'd got to the point where I'd read too many books and needed a person to tell me what to do (most of which I pretty much already knew deep down). We used Dee Booth, who is based in Henley. She came for the first nap, helped me put him down without the dummy, and stayed for 3 hours altogether putting together a whole sleep and feeding plan. I can now ring if I have questions / problems. I obviously can't say for sure but I doubt your lo needs feeding more than you are right now. Before I went cold turkey on the dummy I'd have said my son needed 2 feeds after midnight a night (EBF as well). But we're now down to a dream feed and sometimes an early morning feed if he wakes early (he's teething too). The thing with the dummy is they need it to get through each sleep transition, so if it falls out before the first one 25 mins after they fall asleep, hey presto, they're awake at the 25 minute mark. That was what was killing me - not just the 2-3 hourly dummy runs, but the fact that just as I was getting back to sleep after a dummy run/ feed, he'd more often than not need the dummy putting back in again....

The clips on a short cord work well for them to find the dummy at night.

I could have written your post a month ago. We introduced a dummy about the same age and at around 4 months DS1 started waking every hour for it after 1am (before this he would only wake to feed at 1am and 5am). I was constantly getting up, inserting dummy, going back to bed, repeat, repeat....we were all set to try controlled crying ie go cold turkey when he decided that Ewan the Sheep was a good substitute and he settled himself! We got Ewan when he was 3 months and he liked him but suddenly became infatuated with him. This happened a week after he turned 6 mths.

Just another perspective, Dd is nearly six months and we had 4 month sleep regression for about 4 weeks then it seemed to get better for a few days then even worse at 5 months but we seem to be coming out the other side again. She was waking hourly or 2 hourly for ages. Now she's back to doing big chunks. She has a dummy. Maybe your LO's sleep will improve and is not dummy related? I'm sure you know your own baby so sorry if annoying thing to say but for me the horror sleep we just had was a developmental thing and I think wakeups would have happened regardless of dummy iyswim.

I agree with PP about 4 month sleep regression too. That seems to have been the case with my LO. I should add that I still use the dummy for daytime naps. He still seems to need it as a bit of a sleep prop for napping but not night time. Seems to me like they kind of grow out of it. I never give it to him during the day though unless he's having a meltdown in his buggy so it's mainly a sleep thing for him which will hopefully make it easier to remove in long term

People worry unnecessarily about dummy dependency.

Sorry - totally forgot to come back and thank people for their helpful responses.

The sleep regression thing is spot on - we had a week or two of much better nights, yay! And we are now in a cot next to our bed.

Unfortunately whilst we are a little less dummy fixated the new "must have" is mummy... He wakes up about 10 every night at the
Moment and nothing will help him settle apart from cuddling up to me with his hand on my face all night. Started off cute, getting a little wearing... .

Ps Beckworth - I suspect we will be going down the sleep consultant route if things don't improve soon. Sounds like it worked really well for you!

Going to try dropping his late afternoon cat nap and see if that helps for now.