oh's night time parenting style stresses me out

[Monkeybrain10]

It's 3.40 am and oh has been doing his parenting duty as 8 mo woke up. I have just had an operation so he is on duty. Problem is that oh gets very stressed with ds. Shushing involves short, curt, very loud shushes. There are lots of frustrated yells of "why won't you just sleep ?" Etc.
Oh does have a bad temper. He's also extra grumpy in the night and first thing in the morning. I'm not worried he'll do anything to hurt ds but I just hate that he gets so annoyed with him. Obviously anytime I have suggested that ds is only a baby and isn't being annoying on purpose has gone down like a sack of sh#t.
any suggestions. ..as I am pretty reliant on him right now?
(And yes I do want to split up but I am totally stuck as can't even lift baby at the moment )

You poor thing. I'm sorry you can't pick up DC, I couldn't either due to my back for months. I feel your pain.

It is hard sometimes - I've even had a "just shut up" moment a few times, just out of frustration, I think we all do when we are so tired. It's not harming the baby and sometimes we need to vent but I understand how horrid it sounds. I'm sure he feels bad straight after too.
Is the baby in a bedside cot? If so perhaps you can rub DH's back to help calm him (if you can move to do this) or do some calm shushing yourself to help?

The baby is 8mo he's probably not in a bedside cot!

My DH is exactly like this but only when at the end of his tether. A very wonderful and loving father otherwise.

I guilt trip majorly to be honest and it gets through to him because he is not a bastard in other respects and feels hugely ashamed of himself. I have to say you do need to fine another solution as him shouting is not going to help settle your baby.

Since you can't do it yourself my only suggestion is to try and make him
Understand that. But if you genuinely want to leave him sounds like he is a bit of a bastard regardless and may make no difference at all. Sorry not to be of more help:

Thanks . Yes, baby is in his own room. Oh wasn't actually too bad last night and stayed in there with ds for over an hour . My problem is that I hear him getting angsty with the baby and it makes me really stressed. I know oh is trying but I just feel that "I'm always grumpy when I first wake up" is not good enough....because I'm not allowed to be! (I just tend to cry in frustration instead of getting angry - maybe that's just as bad?).
:-)

Could you not co sleep with baby & settle him yourself maybe? X

Can't Co sleep as i have just had an operation - that's why oh is on me night duty instead of me.

How come my OH can hear the 18 year old gently tapping on the window at 1am coz he's forgotten his keys but he can't hear the 12 week old waking up and telling us she's hungry 3 times a night, which is definitely a lot louder?! Just pondering

Sorry OP no idea why that posted here. My ex husband was the same, no patience. I told him the baby would only pick up on his stress and become even more fractious, and just to grow a pair stop having toddler tantrums at the baby. I didn't care that that went down like a sack of sh1t either. I hope he does man up, and that you recover well.

ColdCottage- of course it's harming the baby! At 8 months it has no other way to communicate it's need for comfort. The OP needs to tell her OH that it's not acceptable.