Keep falling asleep with newborn DD on chest - cosleeping advice please

[troubleandsqueak]

DD is two weeks old. We planned to cosleep - we have a massive bed, plus a cosleeper cot up against my side.

We've tried her in her cot next to me - she hates being on her back and rolls to her side and fusses/startles herself awake. We've tried me curling around her on our bed and breastfeeding on my side - the classic co-sleeping position - but the feeding doesn't feel as comfortable this way, and I feel glued to the spot in an awkward position and unable to sleep. DD also doesn't seem settled in this position, and I can't work out what to do about bedding so that we can both be warm and safe.

During the last few nights, increasingly, I've been feeding her, bringing her upright on my chest for any burps to make an appearance, and then we've been dozing off. I'm almost horizontal when this happens, leant against a massive bean bag, and she sleeps froggy-style on my chest and I wrap my dressing gown around her. We both sleep. DP has decamped to a spare room and so it's just me and DD and a lot of space to play with.

But of course I know this falling-asleep-on-me thing isn't safe; I don't mean to do it - we just end up blissfully dozy together. I always wake up in the same position, holding DD, and we both get enough sleep this way. But still, I know it doesn't adhere to cosleeping guidelines and I do worry about SIDS; I worry about her rolling off me if I fall into a deep sleep.

So how do we make cosleeping work safely, and crucially so that DD - and in turn I - actually get some sleep?

I have my DD in her grobag, lying on her back with her head on my shoulder and me under the duvet. Having her head on my shoulder means that I can't roll onto her. Although she now will sleep on her back in her cosleeper cot most of the time. It works for us, but I am very hesitant to recommend it.

Tbh this is how I slept with both dc for a number ofonths. The only time I actually slept deeply was when someone else took them or looked after them for a few hours.

Please don't feel guilty- you do what works for you. I slept flat with DD on my chest until she was 12 weeks. Then she spent the first part of the night in her cot and the rest on me. Now she goes in her cot (18 weeks) feeds on me in my bed and I doze then sleeps next to me (DH in another room and extra long bed guard on DD side of my bed. Did predict that this would be our sleeping arrangements!

I agree with the pp who said you never actually fall into a deep sleep. I co slept with ds for six months and I was aware of him most of the time. I did doze of a lot of the time with him lying across my chest but I was propped up by two large pillows. Probably at a 45 degree angle iyswim.

Just go with the flow.

My dh just always remained over his side of the bed. He was always aware of the big space we liked to leave in the middle of our bed.

But also when he moved I strangely always woke to check! Obviously I can't say I woke every time but whatever happened it all felt right to me.

Sometimes my son even had the quilt on him when he was about four months but it felt right at the time.

Follow your instinct.

I coslept with both of mine - I realized early one that if they fell asleep next to me after feeding, they would end up at least partially under the duvet with me, so I stopped putting them in sleeping bags. Mostly I trusted myself not to pull the duvet up over their faces, but I did worry about it a bit - like you say, the light sleeping is probably the safest thing, you would probably notice most dangerous situations.

My second son also hated sleeping on his back, and would wake himself up within minutes if left to sleep in that position. After he was about a week old, we gave in - he slept on his stomach during the daytime (and slept beautifully) and at night mostly on his side, occasionally also on his stomach. It's definitely not what's advised, but we were beginning to get dangerous ourselves because of lack of sleep! I think I read that if the other risk factors were low (parents don't smoke, room is not too hot and stuffy, baby is breastfed) then the increased risk from the baby not sleeping on their back is really minimal.

Good luck!