No sleep for 6 days ! Any suggestions welcome ...

[Tillysmummy]

Help needed ! I am at my wits end. I feel absolutely shattered and so depressed. I know that I am blowing everything out of proportion and there are so many people out there worse off than me but I feel so exhausted and depressed. I think the lack of sleep makes me depressed. My dd has had a vile virus since last Wednesday and has been so blocked up but also has hacking cough. Her worst days were last Thurs and Fri when she had a temperature of 104 all day and I was worried sick she was so off colour. She has been completely off her food. Only just started eating properly again. I was worried about her dehydrating because she's hardly touching her milk. She's only been having about 6 or 7 oz a day and she normally has about 20. She's 7 months old. I've had virtually no sleep for 6 nights now. She goes off with difficulty and then wakes herself up coughing etc. I have ended up bringing her in with me every night and DH goes in the spare room. I thought that a lot of love and skin to skin contact may help and it seems to have. She just seems unable to shake it.

Now she is back on her solids (although apetite still small) and still not taking much milk but at least is smiling again and wanting to play. But at night it's just as bad. I hate her being unwell - it's so worrying and wearing.

My DH has tried to take a turn in the night as I am working part time too (shattered today - barely able to do any work) but she seems to only want me. Understandable when you're poorly.. He doesn't sleep well in the spare room so we've both ended up with very disrupted nights. Last night he slept with her from 4 - 6am so I could get some decent kip because I had a breakfast meeting at 7.15 this morning !!!

HELP !!! Here is my question. When will she get better - I know no-one can tell me that. The other thing I want to know is am I making a rod for my own back by having her in my bed and is she playing up. My instinct says no and when she's ill all routine should go out of the window but I still have nagging doubts. I have started giving her bottles in the middle of the night because that's the only time she seems to take 3 oe 4 ounces at a time. Should I leave her to cry herself off to sleep again when she coughs. Must admit I dash straight in and don't even leave her a minute or two and then through exhaustion bring her in with me. It seems cruel to do this though when she's poorly. How do I judge whether she's still too poorly to leave ? She seems fine during the day but coughs, wakes and cries at night. Am I being too soft ?

We had such a great routine going and I am frightened that it's all been ruined. Do you think she'll fall back into her old routine or will this reck it ?

I feel so shattered and tearful (hope no-one is in an argumentive mood at work today or I think I'll just cry !!) just desperate for some sleep.

Tillysmummy,

Poor you - sometimes it's hard being mum and irreplaceable, isn't it?

IMHO, you should trust your instincts. If they are telling you she needs you at night, then forget the routine and go with it. There will be plenty of time for getting tough and reinstating the routine when she's feeling better.

I've had this with both of my kids, especially dd who seems to pick up everything going. When they're so ill that we need to get up to them every half an hour it's far less exhausting to have them in bed with either me or dh (depending on who is working the next day and who is on child nursing duty!). We've not had trouble getting back into our routine, even when dd had chickenpox at 7 months.

Why does being a parent have to be so exhausting?

It's madness isn't it - I feel so worried about her and completely exhausted all at the same time. I think you are probably right. I just worry that she will get used to it and won't want to go back in her own bed but then I think once she stops coughing she will stop waking anyway.

I just feel so knackered and weepy it's ridiculous and to top it all off I was supposed to be going on a boozy night out with a good friend on Sat from my NCT class. We've had it planned for months and have been looking forward to it for months and obviously I couldn't go. I seem to have caught it off her too which makes me feel worse. It seems that DH, DD and I have been passing this bug around and around for the last 5 weeks - one of us has been ill and I wonder when it will stop !

Listen to me feeling all sorry for myself - I then feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself because there are lots of people with REAL problems and so I get even more depressed !!

Tillysmummy you have all my sympathy. It must be awful. I don't know how this will go down with other Mumsnetters but do you give her Calpol or something at night. I have always done this with my DS if he has been ill enough either not to sleep or to wake up through the night. I believe it has a sort of sedative in it as well as being a pain reliever. I know myself if I am ill like this night time is the worst and a couple of paracetemol always help me sleep. I don't know about the routine bit, it probably depends on the idividual child, my DS always fell back into his old routine after he was better, but I don't think there is much you can do, if she's ill she's ill worry about the routine later, you've probably got enough on your plate just now. Hope she feels better soon!!!

Tillysmummy.... you are just going through a rough patch... it happens to us all, it will get better.
I think you did fab actually.
I 100% agree with the love and skin to skin - I do think it works I always think people will think I am nuts for suggesting it
I would not worry about her routine because :

1. she is sick and is not putting on an act
2. she will get back on track... worst case if she doesn't, it will take you 3 days max to get her back onto what ever schedule you see fit. Babies don't loose their good "habits" for ever. Just focus on getting better.

Since you are into this hippie/feely stuff
Can I suggest 2 other things to help you and your daughter to feel better ?
Have you tried visualisation and meditation ? I find they work really well....

Hi demented, I have given her calpol but must admit it doesnt' seem to have made a big difference but maybe I'll try again tonight. I'll try anything !

Thanks for all your support. I know it will get better, just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and can't bear her to be unwell.

Pupuce, yes I do Reiki and do that on her and my mum does too. Nothing seems to work at the moment. Guess I will feel better with sleep just feel so down at the moment.

Tillysmummy I'm all out of ideas then but please don't feel depressed, no sleep for six days would certainly have me in a mental home by now never mind managing to get to work etc! You are coping amazingly!

tillysmummy - so awful! My ds has had the coughy thing on and off for weeks. Have you been to the doctor? if it's hanging around you may want to get her checked out. Other good ideas:

Sit in the bathroom with all the hot taps on full until it steams up and she just breathes it all in and loosens her chest up.

There is a cough mixture for 3mnths and over which seemed to sooth ds when he squealed in pain after coughing, obviously with a sore throat. I tried to use it sparingly, mainly at night after a feed.

Towel under the mattress at the head end to raise it slightly and help drainage.

eycalyptus oil on rag tied on to cot out of reach by head.

Controversial this: when she is sort of snorty crying, and her nose is bubbling, put her on her tummy for a minute or two. The snorting and crying along with the gravity clears more out than anything else obviously, don't let her get too upset.

I can't comment about disrupting her routine, I tend to think that she needs you now and will adapt back later. More importantly ds has gone from coughing and waking himself up to just coughing in his sleep now! (He's nearly better) So - have a good listen before you go in and make sure she really needs you - she may be able to cough in her sleep! And remember - it will end

Sorry that should say don't worry about feeling depressed!

Tillysmummy,

Just a thought - is she old enough for baby/child Nurofen? It's just that for some reason Calpol does nothing whatsoever for my dd, whereas Nurofen works like magic (starting almost exactly 1 hour after administration).

Thanks all, reading these messages make me want to cry - I really am a weepy mess !

Manna, I have put a pillow under her cot mattress to really raise her up and also I have bought a vaporiser which pumps out eculayptus and other oil to help her breathe. I will try and buy some cough medicine today and give that a try. I will also try the bath thing.

I think that maybe she just cries out in her sleep when she coughs and I react too quickly so maybe I should just leave it a little while.

Just spoke to DH and he is leaving work early, we will eat dinner at 6.30 and go to bed at the same time as her at 7.30 - how sad is that !!!

Have you tried rescue remedy.... it will help with your feeling sad, etc

no, where can I get it , a health shop ? Just bought some echinea to try and keep mine at bay and some cough mixture for DD to see if that helps. I think a week away in the Maldives, nice nanny, lots of quality time with DD and DH would solve the problem Then again, wouldn't it for everyone.

I know exactly how you feel - my son has had one cold after another - and at his worst was waking up approx every 20mins for about 3 nights. It made me very tearful too, so it's perfectly normal. After all the Calpol/Nurofen/Olbas Oil/Snufflebabe etc failed to work I eventually put him to sleep in his his bouncy chair adjusted so it was pretty upright and had that on the floor right next to my bed (put a sheepskin on it to make it more comfy), so when he woke up snorting and coughing, I could just put out a hand, pat him/put a dummy in/whatever and he would go off again. The upright position seemed to help keep him less blocked up and let him breathe more easily - much more than having him in bed with me, which just kept both of us awake. It might be worth trying. The worst of it seemed to last about ten days - but it has hung on for weeks and he looks terribly snotty in all his pix!

so another 4 to go

I don't have a bouncy chair anymore which she fits in so I have been propping her up on cushions on the bed. This seems to help definitely (or it's the fact she's in bed with me probably the latter making her feel secure and cozy. So I did wonder about doing it in her cot. I do have a pillow under her mattress but she always seems to slip down so I thought about putting one in her cot but am worried about her suffocating.

Tillysmummy, six days with no sleep to speak of of - no wonder you're weepy. If things don't improve tonight, how about taking tomorrow off work if at all possible, whether it's a day of unpaid leave for dependents (something everyone is legally entitled to), a day's holiday or - the desperate parent's plan 'c' - a sickie? It really sounds like you need a rest, too.

Hope things get better soon - and as others have said, don't worry about your routine going to pot for now. IME a few days off it doesn't make a deal of differece.

It's probably not worth it, but maybe you could borrow a bigger chair?? My son is just 7months and quite big but still fits in his - or his car seat?? Just a thought. I had the same trouble with propping his cot up - books under the legs, pillow under the mattress, poor baby looked like he was doing the luge! I found the dummy useful for encouraging him to swallow all the disgusting snot in his throat that was making him cough. It's so horrible. He kept vomiting a lovely snot and milk mixture over me during coughting fits too. Still, it's a lovely warm day today and hopefully all the colds will be on their way out...

Tigermoth, can't really do that - things a bit dodgy here at the moment. They're cutting back and I have to watch my back - being marketing, and as they are cutting back on sales they may think they don't need me. I am on a pretty cushy number and am a bit worried at the moment. Good part time jobs in my industry are hard to find (High Technology). I also have a planning meeting with the MD at 9am. If she was very poorly again I would not even think about it but for me I feel I need to go on. I am not working Thurs though and have asked my nanny to do Thurs morning. I am loathe to do this in a way because I want my time with her but know if I don't get some rest I'll be useless to her.

Wells1, thanks for the advice, I do use the dummy but she's so blocked she keeps spitting it out, can't seem to breathe. That's another reason why she won't take much milk. It's a real struggle. I always make sure i have a muslin with karvol all over it too near her to try and unblock her while she's feeding. She did the vomit through coughing the first night so I was then changing sheets at 3am !!

Tillysmummy, you have my absolute sympathy! DD was ill last winter with a cough, runny nose, etc. She used to wake up in the night coughing and crying. This seemed to last forever, but I think the worst of it was probably only 10 days. Whenever she woke up me and dh used to take it in turns to go and tuck her in, soothe her for 5 minutes and return to our own bed. I never thought of putting her in ours, I am afraid that with dh being such a heavy sleeper, and after a couple of times of being kicked quite hard by him in his sleep, I would be afraid of doing this.

We have our own nightmare with dd at the moment, she has started crying again when we put her to bed, well more like screaming really, same with her afternoon nap, and she is waking up at 6.30am every morning and screaming. During the day all she seems to do is whinge and whine, she has temper tantrums over nothing and just wants to sit on my knee all the time. I cannot do any washing up/cooking or just making myself a cup of tea as she hangs onto my legs and screams at me to pick her up. I am at my wits end! And please don't anyone suggest cutting down on her afternoon nap as I really need her to have that! I do a lot of charity work and if she didn't have her nap I couldn't come on Mumsnet or do my work, especially as she is right now. She used to sleep like a dream, she would look forward to it! And she was placid and contented - was this only 2 weeks ago!

So Tillysmummy, you are not alone! I feel drained all the time, sex is a no-no and has been for weeks, I have no time for myself and I feel angry and resentful towards dd at times for just whingeing so bloody much! Someone tell me there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Rhubarb, am afraid the only light I've seen has been an oncoming train There is light at the end of the tunnel I'm sure. That's what I keep telling myself. Maybe she is having nightmare teeth trouble, how old is she ?
My dd has nap problems too but never going down problems. She naps at the same time every day but for varying lenths, anything from half an hour to 2 hours ! Makes it difficult to plan.

DD and I managed sex on the weekend which I must admit temporarily really helped the way I felt and made it all much better (until another night of broken sleep).

I am sure your little one is just going through a phase and will be over it soon, probably teeth or something.

It seems there's always another surprise around the corner. I can remember feeling desperate for sleep before but it was never this bad. It feels like having a newborn again except she woke every 2.5 to 3 hours then not every half hour !!

You too have my absolute sympathy. Treat yourself to plenty of wine tonight

SORRY !!!!!!!!!!!!!Meant DH and I managed sex before you all start calling childline !!!! Shows how tired I am

Tillysmummy you have had loads of really good advice but I thought that I would add my tuppence in too - when my ds had gastroenteritis aged 6m he woke every night twice a night for the next two weeks to drink a 6oz bottle and he had been sleeping through - like you I had that nagging feeling in the back of my mind whilst worried to death about him that also once he was better all my hard work would be ruined, and it wasn't. Once he had reached his pre-poorly weight again he went right back to how he was.

You daughter sounds like my son is at the moment. We went to the GP this am (having already completed a course of amoxycillin) and she has given us a syrup - I can't think what the name is but it is a cousin of Salbutamol (ventolin) to help is coughing and breathing. I was worried that this means that he is asthmatic but she explained that short courses of this can help with bronchiolitis. Has your ds seen a GP? I am loath to be a regular at the surgery (I manage a practice myself!) but there are times whe over the counter medicine and holisitic things need a little help from science, and your description of your dd's illness rang a bell with me

Good luck, and dont worry about anything other than dd dh and you - I think its a really good idea to get the nanny to help on Thursday - you can't take good care of your daughter if you're in a bad way yourself

Thanks Zoe. I think I may take her back to the docs tomorrow. I listen carefully to her chest everynight and it doesn't sound like bronchitis ( i had this a lot as a child) but more like a lot of crackling in the upper respiratory area. Anyway, I think I may take her back to be on teh safe side. Just feel like Im always down there !

Meant to say she has already been - last Weds and Thursday !! They're sick of the sight of me.