Arguing with OH about sleep :(

[MrsLilac]

My baby is 16 week and has colic. She used to cry for hours every night and I would walk her around in the sling until she passed out from exhaustion. Now she still needs the sling to get to sleep but she cries much much less, sometimes not at all if I keep moving and she is usually asleep in the sling by 7.30. I know his is a really bad habit but we are in survival mode.

My husband now thinks she is taking the pi** and needs to learn to fall asleep in her bed. He is suggesting putting her down and just staying with her, comforting her while she cries, until she falls asleep. I feel like she is still way to young but at the same time something needs to give as I'm an exhausted wreck. She has regressed from falling asleep in sling and me then putting her in her cot to now me having to keep her in the sling all night until I go to bed as she wakes very often crying and I have to jump up and bounce her back to sleep and if I even try to put her in the cot she screams so we have started co sleeping. She has also gone from seeping long stretches to waking every hour. It is crazy. She and I are both utterly exhausted as she doesn't nap either. I'm in tears most days from lack of sleep. She is grumpy all day from being overtired. (She doesn't have reflux as her only symptom of colic is crying. She has no problem sleeping flat etc). What should I do?? I'm desperate!

I had to sleep train my dc at 12 because the lack of sleep was driving me insane!

Sounds like the 4 month sleep regression is hitting. It's just hitting in our house too
Join us on the November 2014 postnatal group and we can all compare notes!

It does sound like the 4 month sleep regression. Does she sleep in the pram? Could rocking her to sleep in the pram in the house be a less exhausting option for the evenings?

could she have silent reflux?

I havnt tried the pram in the evenings but to be hoe at I doubt it would work as she rarely sleeps in it for naps even with me waking for HOURS trying to get her to sleep.
Nolim - how did you sleep train at 12 weeks? Hoe is their sleep now?

I figured it was the 4m regression and from what iv read if you don't help them learn to fall asleep it rarely magically goes back to normal but how do you train them without 'sleep training' that you are meant to wait til 6 months for?

I may meander over to the November tread, it's good to know im not alone i guess. Or maybe il check out the October thread and see if their babies have improved ;)

I think it's very kind of your husband to volunteer to do bedtime every night and also all settling during the night

I could have written your post a year ago. DS now sleeps 7-7 with a two hour nap in the middle of the day. Couldn't bring myself to sleep train at all. I went through sleep-deprivation hell until not long after his first birthday. Then is it got a lot better (two wake ups per night and I felt like I could conquer the world) at 15 months it just flipped and we all sleep well now.
We co-sleep though. I had to, even though it was never in my plan, or I would have died from lack of sleep.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I know your pain. It got better - it just took a really long time.

Well she's not taking the piss, she's a baby. She was in you 16 weeks ago so being closely held while moving is all she knows. She needs help to sleep and she's just not a born sleeper. Nothing you do now or have done in the past will change that so do NOT beat yourself up about having done something wrong.

There is really not much point in sleep training at 16 weeks. It changes constantly, so leaving her to cry now will not mean sleep forevermore. You'll just need to do it again in a few weeks time, then again after that, then again after that and so on.

What kind of sling are you using? Have you tried swaddling? This might give her the same feeling of being held.

Still being colicky at 16 weeks seems odd. It resolved around 10-12 weeks with both of mine. Perhaps get her checked for silent reflux as a PP suggested.

Are you keeping on top of naps during the day so that she doesn't get overtired and can therefore fall asleep more easily at night? At 16 weeks, her awake time shouldn't be any longer than 1.5 hours. Once she's been awake for this long, start looking for sleepy signs (eye rubbing, yawning, crankiness) and get her asleep any which way you can. If she'll only sleep on you, that's fine, as long as she gets the sleep in.

Also - try reading the No Cry Sleep Solution. It has gentle sleep training advice suitable for very small babies which you may find useful.

And YY - she's in the four month sleep regression. Another reason not to sleep train now. It does ease after a couple/few weeks, and she should go back to her previous sleeping pattern.

I have been to the docs lots about her colic and asked about refill but she has no problem lying flat, doesn't spit up and her cries don't seem like pain cries. Doc says most colic end at 3monghd, some 4 and a few have it until 6 months. Plus she was 3 weeks early.

I have read no cry sleep solution but dust feel like it gave a plan but maybe it's because I'm sleep deprived and all the books I have read in sleep seem to not apply to colic babies. For instance, they say have a bedtime routine of something like feed, bath, story, song and hold until drowsy then put in cot. My routine is feed bath then there is no way she would sit fir story or cuddles. Only brisk walking in sling will prevent a breakdown.

I think I will leave it a few weeks and see where we are at with the colic and the sleep regression. Ultimately its up to me what we do as hubby doesn't do anything anyway!

Oh and naps are a complete mess too which I know is making the problem so much worse. She wil only nap in the sling and even then, for short times. I feel like I have tee in the sling 80% of the time. My back is a mess! Thank god for I have one though! It's a boba carrier

Babies can't "take the piss" they are tiny babies! Sounds very tiring.

At her age, all your routine needs to be is bath, feed in a dark room, bed, started once she shows sleepy signs after about 5 or 6pm. Maybe throw in a massage after the bath. Stories can wait until she's older. Then keep her in her sleeping area and lights low/off for all feeds until morning.

Both of mine were epic screamers, but starting the bedtime routine was a sure-fire way to calm them down and I could at least get them quieted down and asleep relatively easily once they got used to expecting what was coming. Don't get me wrong, they are/were shit sleepers (constant night wakers - a good night for DS2 is six wake-ups, but usually more like 8-10; DS1 was like that until he was 17 months, and I was working FT), but I don't have to bounce or walk around in a sling. DS1's four month sleep regression was grim. Half hourly wake-ups, only sleeping on me in between. DS2 kindly allowed me 40 minutes between each wake up but I could at least get him back in his cot each time. He was/is swaddled which I think is what helped there which is why I suggest it. If you haven't swaddled your DD before, she probably wouldn't be mad keen, so maybe something gentler like a Swaddle Up would be more tolerable for her, but still make her feel cocooned and held.

Four months was the point with DS1 where I was utterly desperate and convinced I was going to die. Don't worry. You do harden to the sleep deprivation, sometimes enough to put yourself through it all over again in very short order like I did!