So depressed with lack of sleep

[hmmmum]

My 6-month-old ds is a rubbish sleeper. We are trying to sleep train him now because all of us are totally exhausted. I feel like I have lost all my joy in life because I am so painfully tired all the time. I just fantasise about lying down or going to sleep but I never can because one of the kids always needs me. It's just got on top of me now with it being Monday and it's a six day week because my dh is working Saturday. I just wonder how much more of this can I take. It feels like torture. I don't have the energy to play with my kids and I feel like I'm a much worse mum than I would be if I could just get some more sleep at night. We moved to a new city last year too and I don't have many friends or much support.
The main problem is that he wakes up at about 3 or 4am and thinks that's the start of the day. He acts so awake and we just can't settle him back to sleep. We are trying controlled crying but I can't bear it. I just feel like I spend my time either feeling guilty about the crying or feeling too tired to cope as a mother.

Sleep deprivation is hard, hard, hard!

You mention other kids, how old are they? I totally understand that Monday feeling and especially when you know it's going to be a long week (my DH had to work this weekend just gone, so I was on my own with four children for the weekend). You have my sympathies.

You are not a rubbish mother! You just need to survive and cope, that is all. Forget about everything else for now.

Is your DS sitting up? If not, do you have a bouncy chair? I consider the bouncy chair essential and a God-Send. It allows for sitting on the sofa, watching a film with other children, snuggled under a duvet, whilst bounce, bounce, bouncing the baby into sleep submission.

That's for the daytime though. For the night/early morning - I assume you are feeding him since that is the easiest way to get him back to sleep. Is he breast or bottle fed?

If you can, persevere with the controlled crying. It really does work. I have a 6.5 mth old who up until 2 weeks ago was waking every hour after 1am and had been for 2 months. It was killing us. The first night he settled himself back after just 6 mins the first time he woke, then he only woke once more and again, about 6 mins. It's gradually got better over the last 2 weeks, a couple of nights ago he dropped his 10.30pm bottle, just flatly refused it, so last night he slept 7pm to 6.30am. I'm not saying this to brag, I had given up all hope a few weeks back and was getting more and more down with listening to other people saying their baby had slept through from 6 weeks and I was delirious with tiredness. I wanted to wait u till he was 6 mths before trying it and I'm glad we did it. Good luck!

You not alone my 5.5 month little boy wakes up every 45 mins and has done since birth, I'm utterly exhausted as been getting no sleep for months, he goes back to sleep quickly but just as im nodding off he wakes again, 2 nights ago I got 50 mins sleep from 9.30 -1030 PM then was awake the whole night , last night he woke around 20 times, I'm constantly run down & get every cold going, my head is thumping all the time. Months of no sleep really effects your health

Sorry I've no solution but just wanted to let you know your not alone.

fate are you a qualified sleep consultant? Just noticed that you answer all of these threads

I'm not exactly sure what a "qualified" sleep consultant would be? I can't think of any actual qualifications in children's sleep.

I have four children who have each slept in different ways. I've made the mistakes that resulted in a non-sleeping baby (and toddler), I've over compensated with DC2 and so made other sleep mistakes and I've found some decent middle ground and survival tips along the way. I've EBF, formula fed and mix fed.

So it's all just experience that I share. I happen to have a baby at the moment (DC4 is 5 1/2 months), so am here a lot anyway.

I do actually have an idea in the back of my mind that I might offer a free sleep consultation service. I get so cross that these people charge desperate mothers lots of money to tell them things that any experienced mother could tell them for free.

Right. Just that you write with a lot of authority so I wondered if you had an MNT certificate or NNEB diploma or were perhaps a midwife.
Some of what you say is directly contradictory to what our sleep consultant says (eg bouncing to sleep and using a dummy).

You probably would be a good consultant but don't do it for free!

I think Fate gives great advice, keep up the good work!

I definitely wouldn't charge for sharing advise. That is the whole basis for what women supporting other women should be.

Not a midwife. Stay at home Mum of four currently. Before my SAHM days I was a secondary school chemistry teacher.

I hope I am helpful, sometimes at least. I don't mean to be offensive in my authoritive tone, it's just the teacher in me coming out.

Thank you Fate. I personally have no problem with your tone at all, it's good to hear from a mother of four and to have your support.
the main problem is i start to have a very low depressed mood when I'm this tired... i start feeling overwhelmed and like everything is pointless.
i only have 2kids - my baby and a 3 year old dd.
thank you for encouragement about the controlled crying heatherbell. my ds' sleep is a lot better now because of it. he sleeps from 6.45pm until 4 or 5 and is then difficult to settle back to sleep but at least usually we have that long stretch now. he looks better too as he was looking exhausted before we did that.
i think the problem is that i'm starting to recover now from the terrible sleep we'd had but have this massive sleep deficit to catch up on.
Salene im so sorry to hear of your lack of sleep, massive sympathy to you and i really hope things improve soon.
when i hear other mothers' struggles i know i have it so much easier than other people do. I dont know why i plunge into this deep gloom ... i was even thinking i should never have become a mother as I don't have the energy for it. But i guess babies/toddlers is the hardest phase (except when they're teenagers). I do love being a mum but find the baby stage so difficult / unrelenting.

FWIW Millpond saved our lives in a similar situation.