Sleep

[Melaniemorton31]

I am new to this but looking for any tips /advice I can get. I have a 3week old who initially had tongue tie so was struggling to breastfeed effectively. That was sorted out over a week ago and I have noticed a difference in the way she sucks. She is also filling her nappies well and gaining weight. However, she only ever feeds for about 5mins at a time. Health visitor said normal and might just be a snacker. Bf support worker said for me to offer both breasts every feed, stimulate her when she comes off the breast to try and elongate the feeds, that seemed to work for a day or two but now she either resists the boob strongly or just goes to sleep. The last 3 nights she has been wide awake until about midnight. I put her down and she will sleep for an hour or two. Then we feed and change etc and she is wide awake. For hours, she is fussy when I try to feed her so I give up and accept she is not hungry and when I put her down whilst she does not cry, she makes constant noises, tosses and turns and is clearly not in an established sleep. It is quite loud and I cannot sleep through it. My other half can. I don't know I the noises she is making is normal or why she does it. I tried to feed her at 6am and she just cried so my oh brought her downstairs and she slept on him for 2hours so I could get sleep. I am just not sure what to do - should I be trying to make her sleep less in the day? It feels early to do that to a 3week old. Others have suggested she is hungry so I 'top up' with formula. I had been told not to mix bottles and nipple for 6weeks thoug!! Anyone else's baby grumble all night in their cot and not sleep? Ironically she has been asleep for 2 hours now downstairs and I know will probably sleep for another 1 at least

Thanks

Absolutely do not get her to sleep less in the day.

For the first 6 weeks you should be working on the basis of if not feeding then baby should be asleep or trying to get to sleep - 24 hours a day.

From 6 weeks baby should be having no longer than 90 minutes awake between naps. Good sleep promotes better sleep so definitely do not restrict any sleep at any time.

Many babies are noisy in their sleep. A dummy would help to settle her into a deeper sleep, since many babies like to suck in order to settle. Recommendation is that dummies should not be introduced until breastfeeding is established but personally I would say 3 weeks is fine for that. I've started introducing a dummy almost from birth with my four children - but it does take some time for baby to 'get' the dummy and understand that it is there to suck on (rather than gag on or spit out).

Swaddling may also help to calm and sooth her movements in the night.

Aside from all of that - I am afraid it is just a case of getting used to things as this is how your nights will be for a long time to come. So developing coping strategies may be more useful than wishing things were different at night.

I have no idea why formula would help in this situation. Why is it seen as the golden bullet for any issue?

Although, I don't think this really is an issue, if that makes sense. It's entirely normal for a 3 week old baby to be nocturnal. It take a awhile for newborns to realise that daytime is for being awake and feeding and nighttime is for sleeping.

Don't try to reduce daytime sleep, but try encourage awake time. Keep the house noisy and be smily during the day. Keep everything dark and quiet at nighttime. Try get out in daylight during the day. Take it in turns if she's awake but I settled at night, but do try to sleep through the snuffling. Newborns are noisy and grunty little creatures.

Congratulations on your baby.

Thanks for your comments. Is it safe to leave a dummy in her mouth at night then? Xxx

The dummy wouldn't stay in her mouth all night. The dummy will naturally fall out of her mouth as she enters into a deep sleep when her muscles relax (so the muscles sucking on the dummy and holding it in her mouth relax).

Then if she stirs in her sleep, you re-insert the dummy.

Expect to still need to feed regularly through the night though. She'll let you know when the dummy just won't do and she wants feeding instead. But personally, I always try the dummy first and feed only if the dummy won't settle her.

It's early days, you and your dp are probably exhausted, it's really hard at the moment but in two or three weeks you will be amazed at how much more 'normal' you feel, I found that by 4-6 wks feeding was much easier and d baby and I had agreed on a bit of a pattern, we were both very easy going re routine etc but he would sleep happily on my lap at coffee mornings and let everyone tell me how marvellous he was if I didn't let on that he was a nocturnal monkey who had me up half the night for snacks (for him). I personally wouldn't introduce formula, it doesn't cure everything and if your dc is struggling with digestion it may make her/ his tummy more sore.
If you think he/ she is uncomfortable see your gp, some of the symptoms you describe sound a bit like reflux, although could easily just be small grunty baby, they do make quite a lot of noise snuffling about.
The advice to sleep when the baby is sleeping is so often ignored but really is the key to survival in the early days. That and enlisting the help of your dmum or dmil or helpful friends/ other relatives, ask them to come bring food, make you a cup of tea and head off as soon as it looks like the baby might have a nap as you'll be having one too (or stay and quietly clean the kitchen/ bathroom) anyone who you can't ask to unload your dishwasher probably shouldn't be invited over.

Thanks all x yes I think I still have lots of early days anxiety, as my first baby I haven't a clue what I am doing, am exhausted and am probsbly overthinking things x