8 month old sleeping. Talk to me!

[StaircaseAtTheUniversity]

My DD is 8 months old today and not very keen on sleeping. She hasn't been since she was about 4 months- not a big napper, very alert and noisy and acts almost as though sleep is a waste of her time. Only places she's guaranteed to sleep in the day is in the car, I assume because of the vibrations or its boring. In all fairness to her she never seems tired. Doesn't sleep but doesn't seem to need it.

Moved her into her own room at 6.5 months after being in the next to you in our room from birth. Breastfed and had always woken at least once a night. She appears to have a later body clock, iyswim, naturally veers towards going to sleep around 9-10pm and wakes for the day around 9-10am if I let her.

Our routine is tea about 5.30, play til 7pm, then bath and story with DH and a cuddle and a bottle of expressed milk with him until 8-8.30. the pattern then seems to be that she's asleep for the night by 9pm, sleeps through til 2amish for a feed and then is impossible to get back to sleep. She wants to play and obviously I don't engage that and keep lights and voices low, but she's wide awake. If I have the strength and keep her in her own room it takes around 90mins-2hrs to settle her back down and get her to sleep in her cot. Because I'm tired more often than not now I take her to our bed and she goes to sleep straight away, normally with access to my boobs if she wants them. If I do that she sleeps through from then until around 9am.

I'm a bit of an old hippy and, if I'm honest, not really bothered. She's still little and to me it makes sense that she would rather be in with us than in her own room. I am not back at work til July and even then only doing two days a week. I think her sleeping will sort itself and she won't be in our bed when she's 12. DH is much less hippy though and thinks we can "sort this" and that I'm too soft. It may be relevant that I'm a bit of an insomniac and have clear and upsetting memories of being left in my own room to cry as a small child (my parents aren't monsters, I promise! We have a great relationship, I think they were just trying controlled crying!!) and DH thinks that I'm passing my own sleep "issues" on to DD.

DD eats like a horse, is very active, feeds from me morning, bedtime has an expressed bottle and probably once in the day if she wants it now as well as in the night. Have discounted things like temperature of the room or it being too light etc. I've tried giving her a bottle of formula to "fill her up" at bedtime but she won't drink it or drinks a bit and throws it up so gave up.

So IS there something we can do- is DH right? Should I be more rigid and yield less (DH says things like "it's not good for her to get her own way!" But I think that's rubbish. She's tiny! But maybe I am too soft).

So hit me with it mums of mumsnet... What's worked for you? If anything? Am I going to regret being so relaxed?

You have it right in my opinion and you're not being too relaxed. Your DH is ridiculous making statements like 'it's bad for her to get her own way'. It sounds to me like he needs some educating on baby brain development and their capabilities for understanding and inability to manipulate. Can you get some links for him to read on the research and studies into the long term implications of extinction techniques/sleep training? Isis.org is a good, non-emotive one. Maybe if he understands the science of infant sleep he will be more supportive of how you want to play it. Baby calm book is another good one.

Just to add, I could have written your post. DS is now 13 months and still co-sleeps. I adore it - they're only small for a blink of an eye and I want to rinse every moment out of it. Yes I get kicked in the face but it's a small price to pay for the beautiful grins I wake up to and milky breath on my cheek. I made DH read up on CC implications and he was then fully on board with me, luckily. If he hadn't been I would have just decamped to the spare room with him anyway as nothing could convince me to put myself or my child through that. Nothing could convince me it's OK to leave my non-comprehending baby in distress.Its only modern society that tries to make us believe it's the norm for babies to sleep on their own in their own room. Babies haven't evolutionarily caught up with the fact that it's safe nowadays for them to do so!

AND the fact that you have sleep issues and can remember the distress of being left as a child is very valid and exactly why you won't want to do that to yours. It's not passing on a sleep issue, it's ensuring you do precisely the opposite!