11 week old baby spitting dummy out at nap time

[cooperbug]

Hi

I have a 11week old baby who we have some difficulty with getting him to sleep during the day unless pushed in pram or in car seat whilst driving. This would be fine but I slowly became physically exhausted doing this three or four times a day therefore we introduced a dummy to try and settle him during the day for naps in the house in Moses basket or carrycot. He does not have a dummy at night to sleep and is able to self settle when it's dark and he is very tired after last feed and bath.

Initially during the day with dummy he would suck on it until asleep and then spit it out and continue sleeping for maybe half an hour. However the last few days he has been sucking it to go to sleep but then crying when it falls out until I replace it.

I spoke to the HV about It and she said he doesn't need dummy during the day and to introduce a patting technique to get him to sleep. I have tried this a few times and he screams which breaks my heart and I wonder if he is too young for this at 11 weeks?

Not sure whether the dummy is causing more problems than it is worth due to the fact he does not need it to sleep at night and unsure what to do?

If you can try and get him to sleep without the dummy, that would be better. We gave my son a dummy when he was a baby and now he is 18 months and loves the bloody thing. If he knows where it is, he will scream, throw himself to the floor and try his best to get it. So I regret giving it to him in the first place and have no idea how to get it away from him. Try the patting technique and see how it goes. Can't hurt to try it.

Once baby is in a deep sleep, the dummy will naturally fall out of his mouth since the muscles holding it in slacken. If the dummy falling out is waking him up, this suggested he is sleeping very lightly and not in a deep sleep. I would just re-insert the dummy until he reaches deep sleep stage or wakes up.

Tackle the fact he is sleeping lightly, rather than removing the dummy. I hate the fact that HV make Mums feel bad for using a dummy. Utterly unnecessary since dummies are brilliant for emotional development - allowing babies to go to sleep alone without any crying.

At 11 weeks you are still in the newborn stage (just) whereby is baby is not feeding, they should be sleeping or trying to get to sleep. The reasons for light sleeping are most likely to be over tried or hunger. The simple answers at this stage is more milk or more sleep.

have no idea how to get it away from him

At 18 months, assuming the dummy is only used for getting to sleep (and not stuck in toddlers mouth at all times) then I would not be worried about it.

Babies, toddlers and even pre-school children do not have the emotional capacity to sleep like an adult would (tired, lie down, close eyes, sleep) and need some form of comfort to sleep. The dummy is perfect for this. When your toddler is emotionally ready to give up the dummy, he will. That tends to be around aged 4 or 5 - when bribed with some special toy if they sleep without the dummy - will get rid of the dummies by choice without any tears or drama.

Worry not.

In the mean time, if you use a sleeping bag sew a ribbon with press studs at the end onto the chest of the sleeping bag and attach dummy to this. It means toddler can always fin his own dummy. Alternatively you can get dummy holding teddies and toys that help children find their own dummy. Or just have lots dotted around in the cot.

Thank you for advice, I keep replacing the dummy but this morning he spat the dummy out literally about 15 times before I just gave up and got him up. Today in total he has had only two hours sleep (in the pram when out without dummy) and is completely overtired now. I know this is nowhere near enough for a baby of his age considering he has been up since 6am. The thing is he seems to desperately want the dummy and sucks on it like mad when he has it so why doesn't he just keep it in?! I have tried different shape and size dummies but it's just the same and i am getting frustrated with this now!

If I go cold turkey and get rid of it how long will he take to get used to it?

Could hunger be stopping the baby sleep?

He has reflux so is on gaviscon for that, he generally shows signs of sleepiness after his bottle or falls asleep during his feed so that's when I have been usually trying to put him down. At present he is feeding 5oz every three hours during the day and sometimes wants to feed after just 2.5 hours. We tried to up his formula to 6oz at the weekend to see if we could get him to go slightly longer between feeds (after two days of him feeding 2.5hourly and 4 hourly at night) but he couldn't take the extra ounce.

Rather than trying to give bigger feeds, you could feed more frequently through the daytime.

My DD fed two hourly through the daytime from about 8 weeks right through until 5 months.

FATEdestiny I like your ribbon idea. In your experience when can baby find & replace their own dummy? Or do they just stop needing to & sllep through when older? naive first time mum Dd is 5 months & I currently replace if she wakes. She was given a comforter with a tab at Xmas but I'm not sure if its safe in the cot yet.

Sorry to hijack your thread op. Your lo sounds frustrated from the dummy not being able to help him sleep as quickly as he'd like. My dd calms right down with white noise, cries a bit, as long as dummy is in place waiting will latch on when she's quite done wailing. I just use my body to try keep it there for her iyswim. Might be worth a try? Hairdryer is our main source but we also use an app. I feel for you overtiredness is dreadful.

It's a really gradual thing.

My 5 month old can grab hold of her dummy now and put it in her mouth, as long as she can see it in her eyeline, can reach it and if it happens to be the right way around. She wouldn't do it herself in the night though, not yet.

There's a developmental thing called the pincer grip (used to pick up and manipulate small objects). As the pincer grip is mastered a child should then be able to pick objects up, look and rotate them and put them somewhere specific (rather than just drop randomly). That should be before 12 months but obviously varies child to child.

By then a child could replace his/her own dummy. But but but! But it might be baby can't find his dummy. It could be that they can find the dummy but want Mummy/Daddy to do it for them. It could be that actually they'd like the attention so will shout for help anyway. It could be they are scared of the dark so will use the dummy as an excuse to call out... etc etc etc.

Re the ribbon thing. My children have all used sleeping bags right through until 3 years old. I have ribbons on all of them, in the same place. Once baby has control over movements (between 6-12 months) we find hand sweeping movements starting across the chest - a means of hand to find ribbon and so find the dummy. This is also a really clear sign of tiredness (since I've never allowed dummies outside of sleep time, so this movement means that the child wants a dummy so wants to sleep).

The ribbon teaches the child how to find dummy because the dummy is always, always in the same place and within reach. You have to be careful of the length of the ribbon though. Too short and when baby turns head to the side the dummy won't reach. Too long and when the dummy drops out it gets caught under their head and is uncomfortable. Also a strangulation risk if too long.

My son used to spit his dummy out if he was hungry, 11 weeks is still tiny, just feed them when they want it. I found they change the rules every 3 or so. Just run with it, rather than trying to make them do things.
Don't stretch feeds or force more down them.

Thank you that makes a lot of sense!

Mine loses his dummy if lying flat. It stays in when he is in a more sitting position ie car seat, pram and bouncy chair. I now put him down for daytime naps in (shallow) bouncy chair.

OP, if he likes motion to sleep with have you tried a swing? Mine liked to nap with it on the highest moving setting at that age. As they get older you can wean them off it by gradually reducing the motion.