Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

Original poster

Sleeping with the kids?

18 replies

Jools995 · 28/02/2015 07:01

Our 10 year old daughter occasionally wakes up at night, her Dad will go in to her bedroom to reassure her and then falls asleep in her bed. I think he should leave her to go back to sleep once she has been reassured but he seems to think that this is o.k. But is this acceptable at her young age? And also I'm sure the single bed 'ain't big enough for the both of them' to get quality sleep.

OP posts:

Galvanized · 28/02/2015 07:15

I think 10 is too old, he should leave and let her learn to sleep alone. My advice would be different if she were still preschool age.

gamerchick · 28/02/2015 07:18

Well you could always take over and go in to her instead then it'll be done right.

climbing · 28/02/2015 07:19

gamerchick

Iggly · 28/02/2015 07:21

Either you go to her.

Or you talk to her dad about it.

Original poster

Jools995 · 28/02/2015 07:40

I don't always hear her and wake up to find him there. Have tried telling him that at age 10 is now a bit old and he should wake me up, and told my daughter also to come and wake mummy up but he thinks I'm being silly and unreasonable cos she wants her dad. She is a daddy's girl unlike my 12 year old daughter. I think she is now a bit too old but he won't listen or respect my request. I never had this with my 12 year old?

OP posts:

FreeButtonBee · 28/02/2015 07:43

Christ, what's. Horrible man cuddling his daughter when she wakes at night.

If they a re both happy with the arrangement then I see no problem. If you are kissig cuddles, then let him know that is the issue. He might make an effort to come back if he realises you are not critiquing him.

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/02/2015 07:45

Well there's nothing wrong with it in the sense of age or gender of the people involved. However I'd be annoyed of he's just being lazy and instead of dealing with the issue just curls up and goes to sleep.

I really think by ten it's a bit of a cop out to not deal with sleep issues as it's going to hold her back with regards to sleeping over at friends houses etc.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 28/02/2015 07:50

At ten the child should be very briefly reassured and left alone and learn to sleep on her own.

This child's sleep issues need dealing with, so that the whole family can sleep the whole night undisturbed. I would not have tolerated this from a four year old let alone a ten year old.

Hoplikeabunny · 28/02/2015 08:10

Sorry but I see absolutely no issue here! He's her dad! If she's happy for him to sleep there, and he wants to sleep there, then why not? You've said it is 'occasional,' so that implies it's not happening every night, so no problem IMO. She will not be happy about it fairly soon, I imagine by the time she's 12 she'll definitely not want him there any longer, so he's got a very limited amount of time left where he can do this, so why force them not to if they are both happy with things as they are? I think it's lovely!

TurnOverTheTv · 28/02/2015 08:14

Why are you asking for him to wake you up? Or your daughter to come to you instead of her dad?

ElphabaTheGreen · 28/02/2015 08:23

I see no issue here either.

I couldn't sleep separately from my mum for a good 1.5-2 years when I was 10 or 11. She let me sleep with her for as long as needed, then I got over it. It would have been awful if she'd tried to 'teach' me to sleep on my own. I sleep absolutely fine by myself now not that I ever get the chance with my non-sleeping DCs

breakingthebank · 28/02/2015 08:31

What are you particularly worried about? I am trying to understand why you feel she is too old for her dad to fall asleep with her.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 28/02/2015 08:40

Elphaba that's interesting - my 9.5 year old has started yelling for me in the middle of the night and getting worked up at bedtime unless I promise to come when she calls. She was a poor sleeper as a baby but was fine between age 2 and 9.5... I'm feeling atm as if it's something that "needs fixing' (partly because her youngest brother, who is nearly 4, also wakes in the night a few times a week). It's every night with DD - started a couple of weeks ago. Interestingly she is totally happy and eager to be going to a sleepover tonight - she says that will be fine as she'll be in the room with her two friends. In the night at home she onlywants me - her youngest bbrother did share with her one night but she still yelled for me at 1am. Would you just say go with it and accept it based on your experience?

ElphabaTheGreen · 28/02/2015 12:48

Yep. I went to sleep-overs during that time very happily as well. I really don't think I could or can articulate what my fear was but it was most definitely a true fear, almost like a pre-puberty separation anxiety. I do recall that it was accompanied by overwhelming feelings that my mother was going to die so it was pretty terrifying. Pushing me away in order to 'teach' me something would have been absolutely horrible, I do know that.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 28/02/2015 13:29

That is something to think about Elphaba - I'm not sure I will put up with it for 1.5 years though, having had so much sleep deprivation over the last 9.5 years between the kids (well between oldest and youngest - middle one has always slept well). I find it impossible to control my weight when I'm having constant disturbed sleep, and am grumpier with all the kids. DH is not happy and thinks its ridiculous, and last night I didn't even masker it to bed as we stayed up watching a film, then DS2 woke at 3am as well and kept me awake sharing the bottom bunk of DD'sbunk beds with me from then until about 5.45am, when he went back to his room and plasyed with DS, but then started fighting so I had to get up... Being woken by hysterical yelling from DD every single night for the next year is really a worrying idea tbh, although it is interesting that it might be a phase for some preteens... When I started sleeping in her room from the point where she yells on, I was thinking it would just be occasional or a week or so...

ElphabaTheGreen · 28/02/2015 16:29

Well mum didn't lose any sleep because I was just in with her from the beginning of the night. I never slept in my bedroom at all during that time. She was a single mum, though, so she didn't have a grumpy DH to displace!

I hear you on sleep deprivation. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I've had more than four consecutive hours of sleep since DS1 was born in 2012. A 'good' night for his equally sleep-averse 6mo brother is six wake-ups. MN really need to get an exhausted emoticon, but they're probably worried I'd break it in the first week.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 28/02/2015 16:52

Yep having her in our bed isn't an option, and going to bed in her room right from the start for the next year isn't either! So going with it and going to her every night when she shouts/ screams/ yells means a night waking and getting up and moving rooms. That coupled with the nearly 4 year old coming to me and getting I with me (easier in the double than DDs bottom bunk) at 3am a few nights a week mean much more disturbed nights than anyone bargains for when none of their children are babies or even toddlers any more!

I was looking forward to that mythical teenage thing where they sleep til lunch time, not hoping to reenact the baby years with a preteen!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 28/02/2015 16:56

Meh. If this is how he chooses to handle her night wakings then id just say "you are making a rod for your own back" - if you dont do it, then just stay in bed.

Flip