Going insane with lack of sleep

[VaselineOnToast]

DS is 5 months old and since about 2 months has been up every 1-2hrs at night (usually to bf) and napping for 30-45min about 3-4 times a day. I rock him to sleep in my arms (then put him in the cot swaddled) or sling for naps & sometimes i spend longer trying to get him to sleep than he actually sleeps and he's usually still tired and grumpy after waking up but he won't be resettled. This also means that I have no opportunity to catch up on sleep myself.

I feel like I do nothing apart from try to get him to sleep since he can only manage to stay awake & happy for about an hour. I am starting to resent him and I'm becoming increasingly irritated & irrational. I don't want to be like this. Please help!

If the appointment is about Post Natal Depression, you need a GP appointment rather than a HV appointment. Just telephone the GO surgery.

The telephone number for your HV should be in your baby's red book.

GP* surgery

Speak to whoever you feel comfortable to. I made an appt to speak to my HV about concerns I had. (Ds was 4.5 months) Everything came tumbling out and I sobbed. She then advised me to speak to the GP as she thought I had PND. GP just rubber stamped it and got me some talky-talky therapy. It was really very beneficial for me. Don't feel bad about having a melt down, it DOES happen and recognising it is the safest way forward.

My 7 month old second child is awake for two hours every night, she has never slept through, nothing will settle her, she cries until she has tired herself out. At six months I started trying the controlled crying method which worked so well for my son, with him within a week nights were under control but with her there is very little improvement. She will go down OK after her bath, I have stopped breastfeeding her to sleep to help her learn to self soothe. I have stopped feeding her during the the night, she has a dream feed at 1030 and I refuse to feed her again until after 0500, she has how many feeds she wants during the day and three good meals plus snacks, she just can't need anymore. Even if I offer her a fed during the night when desperation has kicked in she's not all that bothered and it doesn't make her sleep. I feel like I'm doing things right, I'm more in control with my second child, calmer and firmer, but its just not working. My husband works away in the week and it doesn't matter how little sleep I get I still have to be able to get up and run around after my very lively two year the next day, I am at my wits end, please someone give me a clue?!

You are doing a fabulous job. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

I have 2 dcs. Dd was a dream baby. Sleeping through at 4 months. Going 3/4 hours between feeds before that. Ds was like your baby. Exactly the same. And at 5 months I felt exactly the same as you.

Excluded from real life. Lonely and exhausted. Resentful of this tiny person who had the power to decide whwhether I slept or not. My relationship also suffered. Everything suffered.

What made life slightly easier was a sling. He would sleep in that for a couple of hours each afternoon. I obviously couldn't sleep myself but I could potter around the house and so stuff for a couple of hours. Make a sandwich. Put some washing in. Get tea ready and stuff. It broke the cycle of trying to get him to sleep. Then feeling stressed when he didn't.

I also got my dp to step in and do something with the baby for a few hours on weekends. Just a long walk or the supermarket shop. And one weekend day I had a lie in. So I would boob him when he woke and dp would bring him downstairs so I could sleep.

I also started weaning with purees about 5 months. Controversial I know but there were certain allergens I wanted to introduce by 6 months.

I co slept when necessary too. Can you feed lying down? Have a google of safe co Sleeping and see if it could work for you.

Now ds is 14 months. Still bf. Still parented by listening to what he tells me he needs. We have just this week moved to self settling. No sleep training required. He goes down wide awake after the bedtime song from cbeebies. I sit with him while he spins around his cot for a few minutes then leave him to it.

He still wakes a couple of times in the night. I boob him. He goes back. 5 minutes tops.

it will get easier I promise. And with some extra sleep you will too. Do you get out of the house much? Baby group is brilliant for a change of scene. As is a mooch around the shops. Visit people. Don't wait for them to come to you.

But mostly remember that this will get easier. Gradually and slowly. Speak to your dp. Get a sling. Go easy on yourself.

SleepyMummy No advice, but just to let you know my oldest did a similar thing for ages. I ended up putting every spare duvet in his room, and making a makeshift "bed" that could be rolled up - and most importantly unrolled at 2am in the dark!. When he woke up, I'd snuggle in the duvets, hand through the bars of the cot,and doze til he dropped off. He didn't respond to CC.

He was quite a bit older, but one day, after a particularly bad night, he bounced out of bed and announced we'd said we were going swimming that day (as already agreed). We told him that Mummy and Daddy had had so little sleep, we weren't fit to take him swimming. Next night he slept through - or at least didn't scream for us - for the first time ever, bounced out of bed, and said that he hadn't woken M&D, therefore we were going swimming!

I guess its telling I'm on MN at 7am on a sat - he's still an early waker at 6, but will stay in bed til 6.15 (usually awake from 5)

for anyone with non sleepers.

Just wanted to come back and thank you all again and let you know that bedsharing has saved us. I always thought that having the cot attached to the side of the bed would be fine but baby wants to be right beside me, not an entire 10 inches away! I feel human again and feel nothing but love for my husband and little boy now (well, 99% of the time... I am human, after all, like I just mentioned ;))

Thank you for listening and for all the support!

Just found this thread as going through the same. So pleased you feel human again xx

We're going through exactly the same thing too. I'm so tired and depressed I want to kill myself. I'm being treated for PND but nothing really helps because I just need to sleep. We're trying to sleep train DS but he just screams and screams for ages, even when we stand next to the cot doing shush-pat. Even if I rock him to sleep, he wakes up an hour later. Just got him down after half an hour of screaming, and I feel too tense to relax because I know he'll be awake again soon. I really don't know what to do, DP and I are so tired we find it really hard to be patient with him.

StarlingMurmuration: I can completely empathise; it's a horrific state to be in. I updated this thread yesterday (see a couple of posts above) as things have improved dramatically now we've started bedsharing/co-sleeping most of the night. DS stirs when he needs fed, I help him towards the boob, then we both drift off to sleep. If you follow the safety guidelines, it could help with the sleeplessness and depression, but I know it's not an ideal route for everyone. xx

We do resort to bed sharing sometimes, but he's bottle fed due to cows milk protein intolerance and tongue tie, so can't really do the boob thing :(. I wouldn't mind co-sleeping all the time, but he will only do it when he's exhausted... If we bring him in when he doesn't feel like sleeping (at midnight, or 10pm, or 4am) he just claws at my face and whines. Last night he woke at 10pm, screamed for half an hour with us shush-patting, then slept for half an hour, then woke and screamed for another hour of shush-pats, then we gave him a bottle, then he chucked the bottle up, then we gave him another bottle, and brought him in bed, he screamed and clawed at me for a while, so his dad took him downstairs and he slept on his dad for 3 hours. Tired to put him back in his cot at 4, cue more screaming, I took him in bed and he slept til 6, then was awake for 1.5 hours, then dozed off again from 7.30-8.30. Both of us are shattered, my DP had to sleep on e floor in the spare room because we can't all fit in the bed together and were moving next week so the spare bed is already taken to bits.

starling, that sounds awful. it might be worth going back to your gp and say how awful you feel. they may be able to admit you both to a mother and baby unit somewhere for a short period so u can get some sleep.

Christ, the last thing I'd want is a mother and baby unit... I'd want to leave him with his dad! I don't think I could cope with him in hospital on my own, the six days I had in hospital with him after he was born started my PND, I think.

is getting a maternity nurse in for a night or 2 an option?

[tea] [heartfelt sympathy]

It's HELL. This was me 6 months ago.

DS was perfectly normal baby at birth (eg at 2 months was occasionally having a 3-hour stretch at night.) Then got v ill, and that set him back. For next 5.5 months did not sleep for more than 1 hour at a time (and often would not settle at all in cot or without me.) Thought was going mad.

Then at 7.5 months we sleep trained him and he now sleeps through. If you ever want to do what we did, PM me, happy to explain exactly what we did.

Good luck, and you WILL get there.