First night of "something must be done" a complete failure

[missmargot]

DS has always been an inconsistent sleeper. He slept through at 12 weeks but it didn't last. He is now 13 months and probably has one good night in ten where he sleeps through, the others he can wake as often as hourly from 1am wanting a bottle. He goes down awake and we have no issues at bedtime, it's the middle of the night that's the problem.

I am back at work full time and tired to the point of exhaustion. I can't concentrate and I cry all of the time, tonight I decided enough was enough and it was time to night wean. I offered water and then did CC. After 2 hours he was sobbing harder than ever, I was too and I cracked and gave him a bottle.

Now I feel awful that I let him get so upset but also awful that it was for nothing as I gave in. We both lost two hours sleep and didn't achieve anything. He's asleep and I'm wide awake and crying.

DH has bronchitis so I'm trying to let him sleep as much as possible, so doing it on my own isn't helping.

Don't cry. It's ok, we've all been there. Determined to see it through but when you are there in the middle of the night you would jump though hoops of fire to make them stop.

You have probably tried all of these things but I'll say them anyway, just in case!

Having a weetabix before bed.
Having classical music playing in the background.
Getting a star projector type affair.

Ive read that you can dillute the milk with boiled water, increasing the amount of water over a period of several days so that it isn't such a shock to them. Then in theory they just decide not to bother waking for it.

Best of luck, please don't be disheartened - these things can take several weeks to establish.

Thank you for the kind replies. I have a music and star projector but I haven't tried the weetabix so will give that a go tonight. I will also try diluting the milk, although I'm not sure whether it's the milk he wants or the bottle but it will be a good way to find out.

Or you can try reducing the feed by an ounce every few days. Lots of people find they give up naturally once it's only a tiny amount.

That's a good idea. Would you stick with the same number of feeds and just reduce the amount given in each bottle? And if he still cries after that would you do shush/pat, PU/PD etc?

We had a similar problem and tried all sorts. What worked eventually was reducing the amount of milk in the feeds and a gradual retreat kind of approach. She's 15 months now for the past few weeks has slept through probably 5 nights out of 7 which is a massive improvement.

How about a dummy in case he just wants to suck something?

I second the dummy.

Also, do you warm his milk? If you do, give it him at room temperature instead (ie take a bottle to bed with you when you go to bed, and let it get to room temp by the time he wakes up).

Making the milk less comforting and 'nice' has resulted in my DD not wanting as much (she had only 1oz last night, she would normally have 7oz of warmed milk).

He does have a dummy which will sometimes get him back to sleep.

At the moment I'm still using the Perfect Prep machine which does serve the milk warm so I will look at changing that. I will also offer water first to see whether that helps.

GoTo I'm really pleased things are getting better for you. Can I ask you to explain a bit more about the gradual retreat approach? It sounds less stressful than last night!

I don't know if it was 'gradual retreat' in the true sense of the work but this is what we did. Basically one night she wouldn't even settle with milk and therefore there was no point giving it to her! DH did it rather than me as 1) he has more patience and 2) when she sees me she just wants a cuddle. When she woke up/cried he went in to her, lay her back down, rubbed her back and told her it was bed time. As soon as he stopped and walked away she would get back up, so he did it again. After a fair few attempts at this she stayed lying down but would scream as soon as he tried to leave the room. So when she was lying down he stayed by her cot, no eye contact. As she started to settle he took a couple of steps away, then stood still (where she could still see him). Then a couple more and so on. It wasn't stress free but the fact that she could see him meant much less tears. It only took 2 nights of this before we saw a massive difference but I now we were pretty lucky with that. She sometimes still needs milk to settle but if she does wake up now it's only once a night and she'll have 3oz and go back to sleep til the morning. This is usually when she's teething/has a virus. I hear her wake up now but she will just wriggle around and go back to sleep.

You have my sympaties op

Thanks nolim

Gotto that sounds like something I could stick to without cracking! thank you so much.

Good luck, I hope you have a better night tonight. FWIW we had a lot of nights before we managed to sort DD's sleep where I felt an absolute failure as I 'gave in' and offered milk. I felt like all id done was cause everyone pain for no gain. The problem is you have to try different things for something to eventually work, so it's not failure it's just 'trial and error' . You'll get there!

That's exactly how I felt last night, but you're right it is going to be trial and error.

DS1 is 6 months and although still wakes in the night, I've managed to wean him off milk (his last bottle is at 10.30pm) and settling him back to sleep with dummy. I've done this by a mix of gradually reducing the milk I give him when he wakes and also having barely any contact with him when I go in. So I would feed him in his cot, lights off, back out again. Like I say, it hadn't stopped him waking but he's gone a week now without me using milk to settle him back down so it's a start....