Advice for frazzled mum, 6mo not sleeping at all well

[dennant]

Hello everyone. Me and my partner need some advice/reassurance/ guidance.
We have a beautiful dd who will be 7 months at the end of Feb.
Since she arrived she has been a very "wakeful" and strong willed character. Largely she is a very happy smiley baby, gaining weight well and steadily.
BUT. Sleep is a problem. She has always been one to fight sleep, especially naps, she might only have two half hour naps a day sometimes, and only in my arms/on a boob/bottle. At 17 weeks we began a proper bed time routine and she is quite easy to put to bed, falls asleep on the bottle, quick exchange for the dummy and she is fast asleep in minutes. I can drop her in her cot (in her own room) and she will sleep soundly.....
For a short while.
Around Christmas she started waking in the night after previously sleeping from 9pm to 6am. Fed back to sleep no problem in my arms but every time I try and put her back in her cot she starts wriggling and screaming again. Sometimes I have gone round in this loop 10 times before surrendering and letting her suck on a nip in our bed till the morning.
This has got progressively worse to now waking two or three times a night and beung harder and harder to settle down again. She cannot self settle at all.
In addition to the feeds she also cries in the night when she stirs but drifts back off to sleep. This can happen anywhere between 10 to 30 times a night. Most often recently because she has had a rotten cold and has been struggling to suck on her dummy and breathe at the same time.
To complicate matters, she has cut two teeth and we are trying (unsuccessfully) to wean her.
I want to try some sleep training with her to see if this will help with her stirring in the night. Any advice on methods? She settles in our arms but just gets more and more angry if I try shush pat her in the cot.
We are both so Very very tired and Dont know what to do with her to break this cycle.
Btw bed time is 8pm with naps at 10am ish and 2/3 pm ish for anywhere between half an hour to 1 hour usually.
I try to get her to sleep for longer but it's impossible.

Thanks and sorry for the essay!

There's a saying that good sleep promotes good sleep.

I wonder if she is so over-tired from the daytime that it causes an unsettled night time. More sleep often results in better sleep.

So something you could try is focusing on the daytime naps. Try for more frequent - I'd aim for three or four naps of 45 to 60 minutes. This in itself may help her settle better at night.

There are lots of sleep training methods out there and choice of which is a very, very personal thing - depending on the personality of your baby and also you and your DH.

If this was me, the first thing I'd do is bring the cot back into my room, remove one side off the cot and butt it up to my bed. That would allow me to stay lying down when settling and also mean that the baby can stay lying down without needing to be picked up and disturbed all the time.

Once in my room, I could re-insert dummy at first stir. I could also feed quickly and easily (especially if you are breastfeeding). With the side off the cot, there is no lifting to get baby back in the cot. Pull over to next to you, feed lyng down, have a doze, wake up a while later and scoot fast asleep baby back into cot (without lifting). This allows for a natural transition from co-sleeping into learning to sleep in the cot.

There's no way we can do that, our room is too small. We could only just fit the Moses basket in.
I think I will struggle to give her more naps, she speedometer have three, at 10, 2 and 5pm if it works out that way, but shevis just not ready before then. Far to alert and wide awake. I just can't get her to sleep unless shevis really quite tired, she just fights it otherwise and screams at being held in a laid down position. If I hold her on my shoulder she just looks around!

Speedometer? ? Spell check anomaly!

The fighting sleep and screaming when lying down are signs of being past the 'tried' stage into over-tired.

If this was me again, I'd perhaps remove my chest of drawers (or dressing table, or similar) from our bedroom and move into nursery temporarily so that I could fit the cot into my room. But that's just me.

Sleep training - well at only 6 months I wouldn't recommend any sleep training that creates distress. I'm not against controlled crying or cry it out, but I think these are more relevant to 12 months plus when baby has more understanding of what is happening and why.

So really you just need to preserver with her staying in her own cot and don't 'give up' and bring her in with you. Unless of course you decide that actually you are fine with co-sleeping, in which case carry on as you are.

Just stay with her, comforting while she cries and eventually she will give in and go to sleep. It may take a long, long time the first few days so it is for you to decide if you can do this.

I have exactly the same problem and my lo is also almost 7 months. She also needs a nap around 10 am, early afternoon and late afternoon/early evening. But refuses unless in the pram or car or on me after a bf. Similarly I can get her to go down in her cot at bedtime without too much fuss now but only for around 3 hours then the problems start.

I'm trying to put her in her cot in the daytime to get her more familiar with the new surroundings. She starts to protest even with me staying with her. I'm trying this right now actually. Have resisted picking her up for a while. Just constant reassuring. No idea if it's the right thing to do though as she is no way near having a nap.

So I'm afraid I have no answers and am shamelessly place marking you're not alone!

Topmammy I feel your pain! We had another awful night of constant waking, four times before midnight so brought her in with us again, She still woke but resettled most times without needing a feed till half five. I am shattered. She's been asleep in my arms for over an hour now, so tired she woke at 8.30am needed a nap by 10 but fought it until she gave in an hour later after screaming and crying.

Similar situation here, in fact almost identical to topmammy.

He gets about 2-2.5hrs sleep during the day, split over 2 or 3 naps (mostly in buggy)

Have a good bedtime routine and he goes to sleep in his cot with some comforting/shush-patting. Normally sleeps well for a few hours after bedtime, then wakes up every 1.5-2hrs. Settles quickly if I feed him but screams for ages if I don't, and can take 1hr+ to get him back to sleep.

Sorry that was in no way helpful!

What about bringing back the swaddle?

Swaddling really helps with that secure feeling baby gets when being held. Is also slightly easier to move a swaddled baby once asleep.

I never swaddled my lo. Also never used dummies (I tried though but she gagged every time). I have fed her to sleep her whole life mostly as she just fell asleep after a feed. She did nap in her Moses basket till about 5 months but then she was too big for it so ended up napping on me after a feed. Oh I feel like I've done it all wrong sometimes Sorry for the pity party and thread hijack there... lo has had zero naps so far today and I've got nothing done which gets me down a bit.

You have not 'done it all wrong' Top. You are doing your absolute best for your baby, which makes you a fantastic Mum.

Everyone, every single parent, goes through a steep learning curve with their first baby and so there will be things you didn't realise when baby was a newborn that took time for you to learn. That doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong, just that you are learning alongside your baby.

I do not think any first time Mum with her newborn wants to use a Dummy. We all expect to be Perfect Mummy, with Perfect Baby who settles without any props or fuss, sleeps wonderfully, breastfeeds beautifully, smiles all the time and cries very little.

It takes a while to realise that Perfect Mummy doesn't exist and neither does Perfect Baby.

I doubt you would find a single FTM who thinks Yes, I will force the use of a dummy and will keep going with this even though baby gags, spits it out and clearly doesn't like it. So definitely don't beat yourself up about this.

From my own experience, my DC1 was 20 weeks before I cracked and was willing to try anything to help her settle - she started solids, formula and using a dummy all at 20 weeks old (incidentally, none of which were the magic wand I was expecting), the bad habits I created were too ingrained.

By the time I had DC2 and DC3 I was absolutely certain these babies were going to sleep so I actually took dummies into hospital with me when giving birth. DC4 was the only of my children who didn't take to the dummy. I half considered not bothering when she was still having none of it at 6 weeks old, but kept going. I am glad I did.

I loved my dummy as a child and it took my mother literally a few years to get me to give it up so I find it quite funny really that my lo hates it!

So Getting back to my op. We have largely got over her cold, but she is still waking in the night, twice most nights at midnight ish and at about 4am. Both times needs feeding to sleep although at the 12 feed she doesn't take more than an ounce or two, but takes nearly 6 ounces at 4am. She then wakes at 6 for the day.
Swaddling never worked for her as she loves moving her arms about. I feel the need to try training next weekend. Probably pupd and cc combination as shush pat just winds her up more and more and I don't think cio is very nice.
Really trying to push the solids but nit seeming to have much impact at the moment. She will take 4 to 5 teaspoons at lunch, and some porridge in the morning but she is not keen on loading up before bed time apart from milk (formula) and she is already on hungry milk.
Any other suggestions?

Put her to sleep on her tummy! This has changed my life with my children. I know its not the done thing but at 6mo if she's rolling any way then it is fine. They sleep so so much deeper that way.

I feel for you so massively, mine have all been like this and I find it excruciating hearing people talk who have babies that just nod off all over the shop.

I'm having similar problem with my 6mo at the moment. Have you considered wind as a factor? I'm pretty sure mine Could go with just one feed (or probably none to be honest) but wakes a few hours after bed with and I think she has wind but she is totally hysterical wanting the boob which I suspect is just for comfort as I've done plenty of desperate 'giving in'/rod for my back times of feeding her.

My plan tonight is to try and only feed her once no matter what happens and make sure that is a really good feed and a good burp afterwards.