Bedtime routine for 5 week old

[Madaboutcake]

Help! My husband and I had a row about this last night...I'd really appreciate some advice. We have a 5 week old dd and my husband wants her to go to bed at the same time as our 6 year old, ie 7.30pm. But she just screams and wants to be cuddled whilst she sleeps. Up until now she's been downstairs with us and then gone to bed when we have, at around 10pm. My husband wants adult evenings and is also mindful of the nightmare we had with our ds who didn't establish good sleeping patterns for more than 6 months. he wants us to get into good habits now.

My feeling is that she is so young and it's natural that she wants to be held. I also can't bear the crying and don't believe in letting babies cry, especially at this age.

Do you agree? If so, is there any literature I can show my dh that will support this view? Any advice on how to establish a routine for this age smoothly would be much appreciated!

I feel really upset at what is otherwise a really special time for us.

I can understand your husband's concern but 5 weeks is way too early to sleep train a baby. If you had it cracked by 6 months last time then that was pretty good going. There are a number of baby books that you can get from the library which will tell you the same thing. At 5 weeks old baby needs the security of cuddles to know that you are there when she cries. Reassure him that she is behaving normally.

I think 5 weeks is probably too early too.

This might help

sleepguide

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I think it's pretty normal for small babies to be awake in the evenings. All mine were busy having a feed-fest at that time of day. Perhaps it would help if your dh could put it in perspective? Even if it lasts 6mths or a year, that's such a tiny amount of time out of your entire lives together - it won't last forever, honestly, and you will get your evenings back again.

I seem to have aroused shocked comments by reporting that our 5 week dd2 goes to bed, well fed and winded, at 7pm the same time as her 3 year old sister. We had some crying to start with and sometimes we responded by feeding her again but now she settles down within 15 minutes and sleeps til we wake her at 10.30, then sleeps again til 3 or 4 and then again until 7am.

I use Gina Ford because I find it sensible to appreciate that younger babies need more sleep than toddlers, and no way should they be awake for more than 2 hours. A baby this age awake all evening is not having fun IMO - which is why unless you rock and cuddle them constantly, or feed them for comfort when they have really already been well fed - they get upset. The GF routines front-load the stress but get you to a settled baby a lot more quickly.

Which is why i wont use gf. I honestly cannot see what is wrong with cuddling a 5 week old baby to sleep rather than leaving it to cry for 45 minutes on its own. I have never used gf nor left ds or dd to cry nor have I suffered any problems. CC is fine but use it for older children as it was desiged for. You didnt use cc though, leaving a tiny baby to cry for so long ius not cc.

You shocked me because or your methods used to get to this stage. Noone said it is wrong for a baby this age to go to sleep at this time but leaving them to cry for so long!

What is wrong with cuddling a 5 week old baby?

DD is very settled btw and contented without being left to cry at that age. It is possible you know.

I'm so sorry you're upset at what should be a special time for you both madaboutcake. Could your DH be feeling a bit left out? Are you b/f? Maybe you could express some and get someone to watch baby for an hour or two so you can have a calm chat away from the home? It is important to have time together but your baby is very young. Could anything else be worrying him, work stress? and he's using this as an excuse?
I know it's hard as he must be really winding you up but try to count to 10 and speak calmly when he annoys you. I say try as it's v difficult with the stress of a new baby to be calm. It's just that from my personal experience, when I got ratty (and I got ratty over small stuff) it escalated and I felt so bad.
I hope you find some answers soon xx

Sorry madaboutcake, my comments were not directed to you.

Oh, and regarding babies sleeping well from a few weeks, DS1 was a nightmare for a year and DS2 slept from coming home from hospital. DS1 is a fab 6 year old now though they're all different

I think you have to trust your instincts, MAC.
If you can't bear to leave her crying then don't. I personally found GF great but didn't work for DS until he was about 12 weeks old, he was too young for routines before that. It does partly depend on the baby (& parents too though) so fair dos to Inkstigmata if she got her baby to sleep so well at 5 weeks. Nothing wrong with a well-rested baby and mum!

No, nothing wrong with a well rested baby and mum my objections were the methods used at this age.

hi madaboutcake
in no way at all am I posing as any kind of expert here but ds is now 7 weeks old and does actually go to bed fairly well at night so I thought I might risk jinxing myself by telling you our routine - i've got a feeling that at this age though every baby is really really different and what works for one baby at one time might not work for another or even by next week iyswim
I decided on the feed nearest to 7pm to be the last feed before bedtime, do the first half in light but in a quiet room away from ds1, then nappy change but no playing, then I draw the curtains and offer the second half of the feed (often ds refuses it), then I rock him til he's calm but not asleep and put him in the cot and go out. After a few minutes, he often starts to cry so I go back in, pick him up, settle him and offer him the feed again, then when he's calm put him down. Sometimes I have to repeat it 3 or 4 times, but last few days only once - that could be a fluke not a routine though
I never ever leave him to cry though and only started doing this at 5 weeks I think - before that I can't imagine it would have worked for ds
also seems only fair to add that I spend the entire day lugging him round in my arms as he won't sleep any other way and if put down while asleep instantly wakes up and screams blue murder - so no idea why this doesnt' happen at night time.
does that help at all?

ok so having just read other threads on a similar subject I feel I have to add that ds doesn't actually like being rocked to sleep at night in case you all think I'm being dead mean - in fact he's just like his older brother that way - I had a couple of weeks of constant screaming around late afternoon that I eventually realised was his way of saying 'just leave me alone I want some shuteye so stop rocking me up and down and go away'
(creeps off defensively)

cant remember where i read it but some scientist says that a baby is supposed to be in the womb for a year but because it would be impossible to do this you should if possible try and recreate the womb like through cuddles and feeds and such and plus being out of the womb for such a short time can be very scary for a baby because if you think inside the wombe for nine months never feeling hunger or pain our upset and being in quiet a confined space then all of a sudden being in this big open space feeling hunger and hot and cold and stuff its got to be terrifing for them so they look for comfort in the one voice they recognise from inside the womb and thats there mothers
imo anyway

A big thank you to all the messages - it seems to have generated quite a lot of feeling!

It seems that my gut feeling of cuddling and not letting her cry agrees with most of you and that is reassuring to me.

Like morocco I spend all day lugging dd in my arms - she won't let me put her down unless she's in a great mood and then only for a few minutes and if I'm with her and chatting with her. I agree this must be instinct of small babies to be with familiar person to get security and comfort. My view is that if we do this it sets a strong foundation of security and self esteem, ie baby knows her needs are met and therefore that she's a valid person (if that doesn't sound too much like psycho babble!).

Our six year old is utterly gorgeous and very secure, so we must be doing something right!

Thanks once again - you've all been a great help and very reassuring

Madaboutcake
x x x