3 weeks to get 8 mo sleeping in cot - help!

[Monkeybrain10]

I have an operation in 3 weeks so need my 8 mo ds to sleep in his own bed! He has never slept well. he will sleep for 30 mins in his cot around 7.30-8 pm after supper bath story booby , then he shreaks the house down. After this, any attempt to return him to his cot (awake or fast asleep ) result in him instantly going rigid, going bright red , shreaking and waving his arms and legs around wildly!
We've tried shush and Pat, lullabies, leaving the room , staying in the room, cuddle back to sleep (then repeat above!) None of which have worked.
The only way we can get him to sleep is by having him with us in the Sitting room all evening (which is a pain cause he won't even sleep in his chair -- he's with us on the sofa so we have to constantly take it in turns to do anything!!)? Then he comes to bed with me. Even then he still wakes up around 3 times to feed....but at least he sleeps a bit!
Personally I think he shows many signs of being over tired (me too!) But he is actually a very cheery chap...so much so that people always comment on it.

So in 3 weeks dp will be in charge for a few nights . Neither of us think he should Co sleep with ds as he's a very heavy sleeper who squashes me in the night! I guess if I'm not there it might not be so bad (boobies out of sight out of mind) but I will definitely need a few days without baby in bed post op....and hopefully once he's in his cot he'll stay there!
Any advice please?
I appreciate we've probably made a rod for our own backs by Co sleeping but this only happened when he was ill a couple of months ago and was inconsolable.
Thanks :-)

Well done stick with it Monkey it is short term pain for long term gain. He will be subdued partly because he is tired. This is what I understand by PU/PD - the baby cries, you pick him up, you don't really rock him but talk comfortingly to him (I used to say you are just going to sleep baby) and you put him straight back down again within a few mins, crying or not. Leave to cry for a minute then pick back up again if still crying. Repeat 5 trillion times. You don't really want them to fall asleep in your arms. No bringing downstairs. Not really sure what you mean by waking back up on approach to cot - I just used to stay right next to it and put him back down as quick as possible. It sounds like you might be holding on to him too long?

Are you doing PU/PD for naps today? I would to make it less confusing - 8 month olds are pretty clever.

Sellmysoul has an idea there, if you have ever (accidentally?) left him to cry in there he might have a bit of a fear of it, you could try making some changes (different toys, cot bumpers, mobile, different sleeping bag) or as sell says do something good in there!

Op lots of sympathy here. 8mo sleeps in with me, can be up 3 times a night feeding. It's exhausting to say the least. Hilariously she's our 3rd and we've done our fair share of sleep training with the other two so we know if we pick a method and stick to it, it works. We are muddling through and trying not to hate each other (me and dh that is!).

Monkey sleep training will not work in one night

If you do not want to consistently preserver then please stop trying to sleep train and just accept his sleep as it is and do not change anything. It must be awfully confusing and upsetting for your child with all this inconsistency and needless upset.

Have a and a think and maybe decide that having him up with you in the evening and co-sleeping at night is best and easiest all around, causes much less upset and then stop trying to change it until you are ready to

monkeybrain - has he ever actually gone to sleep in his cot rather than when you're holding him? We had a similar issue in that we had to rock DS for yonks to get him to sleep, but went cold turkey with PUPD and it did make a big difference.

From what you're saying it does sound like you're not persisting enough with one thing. I'm guilty of doing the same thing myself (combination of tiredness and not being willing/able to let him cry a bit) but when I have had the resolve we have made progress.

We also have the problem that DS gets in a state then isn't ready to sleep, but if he isn't crying he stays in the cot, even if he is wide awake. I then only pick him up for cuddles if he gets very hysterical, and he is back in the cot either when he is calm or after a few minutes, whichever comes first. One thing I have found recently is that if I let him continue crying in his cot (whilst continuing to comfort him), he is actually right on the edge of falling asleep.

As predicted ds has been fast asleep for ages (way longer than usual naps). ..do I wake him Or let him catch up? Will that just mean he's awake all night again?
Btw fatedestiny, I read your comments and whilst I appreciate there may be some "home truths" to put out there, you simply make me feel like a shit parent. Thanks for that.

Hmm I tend to go for middle point - so a bit longer than normal but not loads e.g. if nap normally an hour, could have 2 but not 3 iyswim?? Most important is not to let sleep past a usual feed, so if they usually feed around 2 or 3 ish don't let them sleep til 4 or 5 if that makes sense? Have strength tonight - 2nd night usually better then a di on 3rd night, usually getting better by end of a week ime (obv I've only done shhh pat or pupd). And if DP can't help with night then could he help in the day while you have afternoon nap / bath?

my dd is the same age and I have now.managed to get her to sleep.in the sleepyhead grand pod, I feed her to sleep in it as can lean over whilst lying on my side. its not perfect she still wakes up a lot but its a massive improvement in that at least I get some evening time to myself, worth a try

Monkey- I'm in a not dissimilar position with my just turned 10month old as well. Will be going back to work in a few weeks, doing night shifts some weeks so she will have to learn to settle for daddy. We are now at the height of separation anxiety which doesn't help. I tried PUPD about 2 months ago, and I persevered for 7 nights. For us it didn't get easier, my DD became absolutely hysterical, to the point of vomiting. By night 4 she wasn't even settling when I picked her up. I think 10nights of listening to her scream was enough to say it wasn't working. We have had a lot more success with a very gentle gradual retreat method. Until she got ill last week and we are back to co sleeping again. Going back to cot sleeping again tonight with the same method that worked before. I'm trying not to worry though- babies are adaptable. If the worst that happens is that my husband sits up cuddling her all night he will survive a night or two!

Thanks all. Onwards and upwards! :-D

Hi, yes to pp about putting down before they fall asleep. That is really really important. The baby whisperer website outlines the technique..it's really importantto follow it and for your dh to follow it to the letter or else you are prolonging it and taking backwards steps (the voice of bitter experience! ).
Also the Gina Ford nap timings are helpful. Basically you wNt to get to the point where your dc is getting enough daytime sleep but not too much. It is MUCH easier to get a baby to sleep who is actually tired!

So How on earth do you get a baby to sleep in a cot?! He basically goes wide eyed and panicked, rigid limbs waving wildly Then Add some hysterical shreaking. This happens the instant he is put in the cot whether he was fast asleep or awake.
he spends happy time in the cot quietly playing with toys in the day and has done every day for a couple of months....its just the sleeping in there that he objects to.

What about taking one side off the cot and butting up to the side of your bed?

It's just an extension of your bed then.

Same as children and adults learn to fall asleep in a bed. I will add though that dd was very shrieky as a baby and though I did pupd (she never stopped screaming eveb when picked up) I think now that she woukd have been better with controlled crying as she got too stimulated by the picking up.

When you first see them falling asleep on their own it is like a miracle

Well I ended up sleeping on the floor next to the cot with ds (next to me rather than in cot because he was getting hysterical every time I put him in and wouldn't be comforted at all by me being next to him). He has this incredible ability to wake up and shreak from being fast asleep as soon as he feels the lean over the cot!
So dp ended up with him in the cot sat up playing with toys and laughing for an hour or so , then I took over and did as above again. At about 2 am after 5 consecutive attempts to get him in cot (I mean literally minutes apart )I finally got him in asleep. And there he stayed til 7.30 this morn (Although he was on his front which hes not done before) No middle of the night feeds either ?? Am guessing he was so tired he just gave in. I just fed him and now he's asleep on my lap...In our bed!!! (I expect I'm now undoing last night But I'd have to wrestle him back into sleeping bag to put him in the cot) Will be interesting to see what tonight holds......Thanks all for support and advice.

My DS could also (asleep or awake) sense the first millimetre of movement towards being put in his cot. Really did get better with consistent PUPD!

Hi op, hope you have had some easier nights? Sorry no advice here! My LO is six months old and is co sleeping and recently started waking hourly(!). Driving me to distraction-may have to start my own thread! She will only sleep if I feed her, and similar to you wakes as soon as she feels the lean over her cot. I couldn't handle the sleep deprivation, so she us back in bed with me (husband works away during week). Trying to decide which sleep method to try, definitely can't do CC OR CIO. Good luck!