HELP! Baby only sleeps on me so I can't sleep when baby sleeps (SIDS)

[Ladi85]

Hello

This is my first time posting and I really hope someone can offer some help. This is going to be a a very long post, TIA for reading...

I am a first time mum to a beautiful 9 week old dd and am EBF. From around 3-4 weeks of age she seemed to become uncomfortable sleeping, making grunting noises, bringing legs up and waking from sleeping on back (in crib); if we left her it eventually turned in to crying. Dr and HV said she seemed colicky and windy (no excessive crying though). Anyway it seemed to be trapped wind so we tried all the usual infacol gripe water etc but nothing helped. The only way she seemed comfortable and could get any sleep was to sleep on her front on somebody, so we made the decision to let her sleep on us (that's me, dh and family members - I live with PIL). We are totally scared of SIDS risk so we stay awake whilst dd sleeps; this is 24-7 so sleeping when baby sleeps is not an option for me, I only sleep when someone else can hold her whilst she naps. I get anywhere between 3-5 hours per night depending on who is around to help and no sleep during day. This has continued for several weeks and as you can imagine I am exhausted. The wind seems to have settled now so we are trying to put dd down in crib but she wakes straight away. Have read about as much advice as possible online about transitioning to crib. Nothing is working and I don't know how much longer I can carry on like this.

I am so tired that I don't feel I am being the mum I want to be during the day to my dd, I am not going out regularly, I just don't have the energy. I am feeding on demand and we have no proper routine whatsoever. She has started to sleep anywhere between 3-6 hours for first stretch of night but this doesn't fill me with any excitement as I know that's only possible when she is snug on someone's chest!

My plan of action so far is

• put her to play in crib daily to help her get used to it (she lasts about 15 mins before wanting to be picked up)
• make crib environment as mum like as possible (smells, warmth etc)
• try pick up down method when she is 3+ months
• if she doesn't settle by 3-4 months consider switching to ff (really not my preference but I am beyond tired). I don't know if that will help with sleep (maybe it will knock her out as apparently it's heavier and she will sleep better?! If anything it can mean other ppl can help with feeding (she tends to cluster feed in evenings so even when dh/family are around to hold her whilst she sleeps, I need to be awake to feed her constantly)
• I do not want to cosleep (as in place her next to me in bed for the long term) not that it works anyway, she's not happy unless on someone. Again scared of SIDS and it becoming a long term habit.

I worry that if she doesn't sleep on someone then she won't get the rest she needs. She literally wakes anywhere from immediately to ten minutes after being put down. If I knew there was an end to this I could carry on but I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel and am worrying about her sleeping on someone becoming a habit. Sometimes I feel so negative, I knew becoming a mum would be hard and that I'd be tired but I thought I would get more sleep albeit broken, especially at this stage .

Can anyone offer any advice, in particular about whether ff may help and if the feeding schedule would be more structured?

Thanks very much xx

Kaidensmum- wow 5 months!!! Eeek am hoping dd settles sooner. This exhaustion makes it harder to enjoy things and I don't want to wish the time away. I am going to buy the sleepyhead...concerned that some reviews say baby's outgrow it well before 6 months and I have a long baby! Any advice? Just hope it will be worth it, feel like we've spent (wasted) so much money so far! Thanks

Long 7mo DS is still snuggled up in his sleepyhead - he can't really stretch his legs out but seems to like it that way!

Lol it did get better before this! Month 3-4 were great he slept all night with only 1-2 wakings! Then 4 month sleep regression hit and he back to sleeping like a newborn
You can unclip end if sleepyhead to give them more room to stretch. My boys big but still got room in there at mo. Plus you can sell it in for not much less than you paid so deffo worth it!

I'm like pp. My dd would only sleep on her tummy, and I used an Angelcare monitor to regulate her breathing. Eventually dd slept through at 9 weeks, and still is a great sleeper at 3.5.

Please get her checked for silent reflux. The meds really helped our daughter. She slept so peacefully afterwards. Get a referral for your gp

Stubbed how do drs check for silent reflux? When I spoke to my dr about this she said the only way of knowing is to try infant gaviscon and if things improve then we know it's reflux. I find that a bit rubbish given the potential side effects of the medicine. Dd does sleep on her back at times eg laying in my lap and doesn't seem to be in discomfort.

That is rubbish - gaviscon won't do anything in my experience. Ranitidine is the main one and I doubt a severe baby would respond to less. Go to a different gp, insist on a referral to a paed. It will REALLY help if it is reflux. Everyone can get some sleep.

Yy, Gaviscon will help a baby with reflux, but not a baby with silent reflux. They are different things. Ranitidine helped DD (and Omeprazole was even better), but needed a paeds referral to get it.

I posted on the whole baby sleeping on me issue back when ds was about 3 weeks old and probably sounded just as desperate! After lots of research I decided that co-sleeping wasn't for us and began working on ways to get ds sleeping on his own in cot. He's just turned 6 months and sleeps through the night, plus three naps a day, all in his cot. So it is doable! Here is what worked for us:

1. swaddling for all sleep (in one specially designed not to damage hips). Feed in swaddle so disturbed less when placed down. Put down asleep at first (we worked on self settling later). I usually held him for at least 10 mins before attempting to put him down so he'd be in a deep sleep and less likely to wake up.

2. if he woke and cried when we put him down, we tried to soothe back to sleep in the cot first before picking up. When he was little we did this by letting him suck on our fingers whilst gently stroking his forehead and down over bridge of nose, which makes them close their eyes. We later introduced a dummy and now he sucks his thumb.

3. consistent bedtime with relaxing routine before (bath, swaddle, feed, bed). Plenty of sleep cues: always fed in same place with lights off, same song on mobile, no talking, so he knew it was sleeptime

4. tackling one sleep at a time. We did nighttime first as most important. Then morning nap and after that he kind of had it already.

It took persistence but the nighttime sleep was actually sorted quickly once I resolved that he was not going to sleep on me anymore at night, no matter how exhausted we both were. Naps took a lot longer but I was less bothered by those!