BF, wants holding constantly, how do we do bedtime?!

[francis223]

My LO is 8 weeks old, is BF on demand and wants to be held constantly. He will not go down day or night, in a bouncer, swing, crib, co-sleeper - will only drop off in a sling in the day or in my lap, and in my arms at night. We tried again tonight with the co-sleeper, putting him down asleep, 5 mins, he's awake crying.

We are experiencing a pattern in the evenings where LO hits 7pm and he starts screaming, we wind him, he brings his wind up quickly, he shows no symptoms of reflux, I just think he is tired. We have him in the lounge, I try feeding him, he gets angry and cries at the boob, but he won't settle. A dummy settles him for a brief time, then the crying starts again. It's tricky, because he won't go down to sleep in his bed or swing etc, he stays in my arms where I think he gets overstimulated. How do I put a baby to bed to sleep before we hit this meltdown time if he hates being put down as well? Help!

He sounds either over tired or hungry.

If he is tried, a swaddled will help to calm him physically, it mimics being held tightly. Dummy will be your friend too, keep going with that. Start settling to sleep much sooner than you are. Don't wait for over tired before you start trying to get him to sleep - pre-empt when he'll need a sleep.

If it is hunger, it is usual that a baby will cluster feed all evening when breastfed at this age. Basically just sit with your boob out, baby in arms, something on the TV and feed, feed, feed the whole evening until you go to bed.

Getting angry and crying on the boob sounds like boob rage. This is when baby does not want to wait for your let down. He wants his milk now, now, NOW and when the let down takes a few seconds he gets too angry and is unwilling to wait. You could try hand expressing first to get let down going. Or just persevere through it, since ;et down will happen eventually.

Good luck!

Are you sure your lo is tired and not just fussy? Fussiness is common in the evenings. What are you doing that may overstimulate your baby when in your arms? I ask because I am in the same situation, my dd only sleeps on me day and night

Thanks for your replies.
The only thing that is different is that OH is around, and the TV is on, which may contribute to the overstimulation. He can't seem to settle in the same way as he does with me in the day.
Whereas he would normally feed for twenty mins then settle to sleep for a while relaxed on the boob and gently pop off, he feeds and then pulls off and the wailing starts! We get huge wide yawns but the crying lasts for at least an hour or more :-(
To pre empt this, I need to get him to settle at 6pm but when he has napped at this time before, he wakes later and the crying still happens only later in the evening. But is this because he is napping on me, and the TV is on, I am eating my tea, OH is around, lights are on in living room etc, and it's too much for him? But I have no other option to put him down in a quieter room, as he won't go down for longer than five mins, unless I take him to bed at 6pm and stay with him! Am I missing something obvious here?!

It sounds like he wants to cluster feed. Very common in the evenings.

You're not missing anything. All you can do is try different things. To be honest, trying different things probably won't make much difference either, but at least you'll feel like you're trying something!

This phase will pass. And it will pass before it kills you. Just keep going, offering dummy, boob, walks around the room, sitting down, rocking, more boob ... until you go to bed. If the evenings are stressful, maybe consider going to bed earlier than normal with baby, as there's no point staying up if it's stressful.

I promise you will get your evenings back eventually. I can't say when, but it will happen.

I don't like hand expressing but will use my electric pump to get things going this eve and try that. Otherwise, I'll try some skin to skin to see if that helps him... I offer him the boob all evening so am prepared for cluster feeding but he gets so worked up and angry, literally pushing my boob away with his fists, that I think it can't be hunger and that he just wants to sleep :-(

Maybe the comments from other mums at this stage (8 weeks or so) who are putting their LO's to bed at 7/8pm and who are then sleeping for huge chunks at night are making me over think this! We are still up every 2/3 hours every night.

Sounds pretty normal for an 8 week old to me. (Based on my own Lo). Sometimes if she wouldn't settle I would actually pop her in the sling at home and it seemed to calm her and cut out stimulation. We didn't put her upstairs on her own to sleep until nearer 4 months- at 8 weeks she would sleep on me in the evenings until we went to bed. Like someone said above, it's a phase, it will pass just when you think you can't take any more. At 8 weeks your baby is still in the 'fourth trimester' and wants to be close to you, plus will be having various growth spurts. Hang in there!

Sleep is so important, it's really hard when you're not getting any.
Have you seen these - www.amazon.co.uk/Sleepyhead-Deluxe-Months-Pristine-White/dp/B00ACK676E
We got one for our newborn and it really helped her sleep. They hold them tight so help them feel much more secure. If you look online you'll find loads of people raving about how they got their babies to sleep.
Hang on in there -it's early days for you, but it does get better !

Thanks ladies. We will hang on in there!

Wobble, I bought a Sleepyhead before he was born in prep as the reviews were so good! It makes no difference with him, little tinker! We tried it in his co-sleeper but he still cries. We also tried Ewan the sheep and a Fisher Price light show mobile, hot water bottle before putting him down, nothing soothes him to sleep - he seems to need the physical contact!

OK as I type, LO is on the boob, busily nursing away in the lounge!

I prepared earlier by sharing a lovely bath and lots of skin to skin with him. At 7pm he started yawning, I offered him the boob, he started his usual crying and punching, so I quickly got the pump out and it's worked! After bringing on my let down and making it easier for him, he has settled on and is slowly drifting off to sleep. Fingers crossed I haven't typed too soon!

Just a thought but when you try and put him down, is it nice and dark, quiet and 'sleep inducing'? We stopped having DS1 in the lounge with us in the evenings when he was around 6 weeks old. We live in a flat though so it was easier and we have a video monitor. We just felt with us eating, watching TV etc, it wasn't really easy for him to sleep. Shortly after I started putting him in his crib for daytime naps too, again quiet and dark. I'll admit he's never been a clingy baby and always gone down easily but perhaps a bedtime routine away from stimulation would help?