Advice to get 3mo on right track (and avoid mistakes I made with DD)

[chocciechip]

DS is 3mo and we haven't attempted sleep training. He is demand-led BF and has reflux so it didn't seem appropriate. I also thought he was too young.

He gets a last feed at 10-10.30pm and sometimes sleeps through the night. If not I just feed him and settle him very quickly.

I have started trying to give him a feed at 7pm-ish and put him to sleep in his basket. This has only worked if he is in another room to us (won't sleep in basket when the lights/TV is on - only on DH or I).

Day time naps are as above: only on me, or in his car-seat (I try avoid the latter). It's even harder to get him to settle during the day, even in a different room, because DD (3yo) has no concept of volume control or closing doors without a slam. In fact, if I don't allow him to sleep on me it descends into a very fractious time all around.

I'd really appreciate tips and advice on how to get DS to daytime nap in his basket (and later his cot) at regular intervals.

I went through daytime hell with DD. The only way I could get her to nap was to drive or push her in her pram - for two years in some horrible weather conditions. I had zero free time at all and it made me a bit crazy. I don't think we managed one day time nap in her cot at all and I obviously can't manage the same with DS with a 3yo around as well. However DD was/is a very good night time sleeper which is great now.

I am already worried about where things are headed with DS because he only settles if he is fed to sleep. All not helped by that fact that, because he has reflux, he has to be held for 30mins upright after a feed.

Are you me? Very similar here except DS falling asleep only in arms is new this past week. Before that I thought a little smugly that we'd avoided mistakes made with DD as he self settled in the cot. But whatever developmental leap he made this last week has led to him barely napping at all in the cot. He's now perfectly aware that lying on me is much warmer & cosier! Will read with interest

There are 14 months between my DC1 and DC2 - so I effectively had two babies in the house when DC2 was a baby.

DC1 was a nightmare sleeper and I made all the classic mistakes, including her need mega silence to sleep and anything would wake her.

My recommendation would be to not quieten down your DD. I could have put DC2 to sleep in another room. Instead from his very first day home and onwards I:

• deliberately kept the carry cot in the living room.
• deliberately positioned the carry cot under a main light, which I switched on even in the daytime
• made no efforts at all to be quiet, quite the opposite in fact
• Did nothing more than swaddle, dummy in, out in cot when first showed tired signs

As a result of all of this, DC2 never developed any sleep problems. He sleeps incredibly deeply and will sleep through pretty much everything.

Aaargh, Fate, I think I've already missed the boat. DS has reflux so like it or not I have to hold him upright for 30 mins after every feed, during which time he usually goes to sleep. At night he'll happily transition to his basket, but in the day not at all.Nightmare.

Don't beat yourself up choociechip - we did everything as above, cot in the middle of where DD plays, lots of noise & light, no cuddling/feeding to sleep etc & still are where you are now with whatever is up these past few days. I think all babies are different.

One thing that really helped me was a casual acquaintance who commented that his first 3 kids were so easy that they decided to have a fourth. No. 4 barely slept a wink despite nothing in routines etc being different and they felt incredibly guilty for being so virtuous with all their suffering friends over the previous 8 years

Would you consider putting him down for a nap in his cot?

If not what we did was buy one of those bouncer chairs, and he used to nap in there during the day. It is obviously at an angle so it's good for his reflux.

He won't stay in a bouncy chair (I have two) or a swing for very long before howling.

He isn't in a cot yet, another hurdle, but I'll try him in his basket this afternoon. Currently asleep on me again after a feed.

Ihave been swaddling him but he has started breaking free. Not sure if I should just give up on that now.

On the cot and naps: all the advice is to keep DCs in the same room as you when sleeping. How do you manage that with cots? Sit in the bedroom while they nap? For some reason I'm much more scared of SIDS this time around.

DS is very different to DD at nights so I do think character comes into play as well, as Tricia said. DD woke regularly and screamed at every session. Even if DS wakes a lot, he's always chilled and smiley. It makes such a difference! I have no stress at all about him waking up, whereas I'd go to bed with a sense of dread with DD.

Are you ME?????