Stuck between a rock and a hard place. ..

[CherryMum67]

Hi guys,

I have 14 week old who for the most part hasn't been a bad sleeper. Over the last few weeks I've been gradually putting him to bed earlier and we've got to going upstairs at 7 pm for feed and sleep. He was waking somewhere between 4-6am feeding again then going a couple more hours.

This last week though, he's been waking around midnight then a couple more times throughout the night. I think it may be his gums/ teeth causing him some grief. Sometimes he wakes, coos to himself then settles again, and other times he cries. I try to leave him until he cries as he may just fall back to sleep of his own accord, but this has become a source of argument between me and my OH.

Don't get me wrong, I know OH needs to sleep as he's working but I have tried to explain that I can't just immediately pick LO up each time he wakes and make a rod for my own back.the response I get is usually a sarcastic one, and get told that is my job. I tell him that it was a mutual decision to have a baby. Went as far the other morning mocking me saying he bet I wished I never met him. I'm so confused I don't feel like being around him.

So now when LO wakes I lye there worried about what to do. I can't pick him up each time he wakes but I can't deal with the consequence if OH wakes up. i feel like I'm being dramatic as i write this but I can't talk to anyone else as my friends all have their own stuff going on etc.

When LO was born OH was unbearable, telling me to shut the F up and generally being horrible. My sister said he was jealous of the baby, is this still the case? Sometimes be horrible then the next breath is nice again, I've told him i never know where i stand. He makes me feel like I'm making it up in my head.

The moment I'm coping with being tired but I know that won't last long term! When LO settles it takes me up to am hour to drift off myself ??then I'm also conscious of moving around in bed in case it wakes OH...

Please tell me this waking phase passes! Also OH is mainly night shifts next week so good opportunity to try to get this sorted. Any tips would be greatly received, the only thing isi don't like to let him cry it out at the min as think he's too little. Plus as I said before it may well be teething .

I'm confused as don't want him to rely on me to sleep (he does self settle sometimes and don't want to lose that! ) but equally I can't bear to think of him in pain (teething) with no comfort/reassurance... Please help! Xxx

Firstly, your DH sounds like a idiot.

Secondly, you have forgotten about the massive middle ground between picking up baby when he grumbles. and not doing anything at all.

What about a hand on his chest and a few reassuring shushes?

What about a dummy? (work instantly and stops any grumbles completely - would be my recommendation)

In terms of your 12 week old waking when he previously slept - could be a growth spurt. I would try feeding when first waking up, this may settle him for the rest of the night.

Or try introducing a dreamfeed - where you wake baby and feed just as you go to bed so that the feed doesn't disturb your night.

Thanks FATEdestiny ?

I did try shushing and placing my hand on his belly last night too but tbh I was worried he would realise I was there then really get upset. OH was working so was trying random stuff ??...

Dreamfeed sounds interesting and I would be happy if he just went through to about 3 atm, plus have been looking online and other people have also commented about this at 14 weeks so maybe it is a growth spurt ?

I did buy dummies when I was pregnant but where they are is another thing!

I think I'll try to comfort from afar for a few nights first,then crack open the dummies if that doesn't work. .. I hope it does or my eyes will be hanging out my head by this time next week with tiredness.

With regards to OH I think we need to have some sort of chat.

Thanks again ?

this is ridiculous. You have an incredibly easy baby, yet your oh is preventing you enjoying him.

It could be many years before he sleeps through the night reliablly, are you going to take abuse every night until her is old enough to get up on his own? ( mine were 6 when they stopped waking me)

Your baby isn't the problem.

The problem is your oh is abusive.

Why don't tell your revolting abusive DP to STFU or get the f*ck out, then you will be able to enjoy your baby and care for them without being terrorised by him and his pathetic "jealousy". God I despise men like this and the women (your dsis) that make excuses for them.

Your baby and his sleeping are perfecting fine and to be expected, you don't realise this though because your DP is acting as though it's all a huge problem. It isn't.

Your partner aside, this: "but tbh I was worried he would realise I was there then really get upset" is a really odd thing to say.

It is completely backwards.

Your baby will be reassured by your presence.

The baby thinking you are not close by will really upset him.

Being stand-off ish with your baby is quite unnecessary. He will sleep much, much better with reassurance and comfort.