Teaching a baby to self settle

[TheGirlAtTheRockShow]

DD is 34 weeks (29 adjusted). She has ne R&R self settled very well, has always been cuddled/fed to sleep. It used to not be a problem as she'd go at least 3 hours between feeds at night, slept with a dummy. But now she's waking every 1-2 hours wanting to be cuddled back to sleep, sometimes taking nearly an hour to settle back in her cot as she wakes each time I try to put her down. She won't accept daddy at night - only me. It's exhausting. I do leave her till she is properly crying before go in. If she's just stirring and making the odd wimper I leave her to see what happens - but it always leads to screaming.

I do not want to do cc/cio. I just can't stand to hear her cry and don't believe being left to cry can be good for her.
How can I get her to self settle without cio though? I don't mind 1 or 2 wake ups for feeds, but can't keep up with only 3 hours sleep at night.

Should have proof read first! Bloody iPad auto correct!
Ne R&R is meant to be never.

Maybe a bit old but I have cuddled and patted in the cot. Basically you are not getting out but lie her down, sung to her, stroke her, pat, rinse and repeat. Have the same song as part of bedtime routine. But never pick her up.

I've done this with my older child. There will be tears but you never leave them. It's harder as they are older though.

Look up pick up put doen as an alternative.

We used to rock DS to sleep in our arms before putting him down, but at 5 months started doing 'pick up put down' and we have got him to sort-of self settle - I still stay in the room and sometimes have to pick him up a few times, and do cuddle/pat in cot like munchkin, as required. He still cries but I pick him up if he gets properly upset and he always knows I'm there.

He does self-settle during the night a little better as a result BUT he still wakes every 2-3 hours at the moment!

I think you decide if it's pu/pd or patting in cot before you start. My way you NEVER pick up or you are simply teaching your child to cry more to get picked up. If I can remember in am ill charge my old phone and see what happened when we did this with dd1 (I kept a log to help see progress).

She still has night feeds, and I don't think she's ready to night wean. I just want her to self settle in between times. Does that work with leaving in the cot? We're already doing a modified pu/pd I think, in that we pick her up and soothe her back to sleep then put her down. She wakes a few times before we succeed.

With PU/PD you don't sooth them back to sleep, you just hold them long enough to stop crying then they go straight back down. Then repeat, repeat, repeat until they fall asleep. The idea is they should fall asleep in the cot rather than on you.

We do pupd if ds cries but normally at the moment (nothing lasts long!) If he wakes in the night can settle quickly with dummy in and white noise. Waking up and settling quickly is very different from being up for an hour trying to settle in terms of sleep depravation. I normally have a rule to myself where if after getting up 3 separate times he wakes we cosleep as it means we both are rested in the morning but I know this isn't for everyone!

I know that cc sound aweful but for us it was the only way to get our sanity back.

Co sleeping doesn't work for us, I don't trust myself so end up not sleeping.
She has white noise and a dummy, but it isn't working any more.
Maybe I'll try pu/pd for a while then try just leaving her in her cot.
Is a week long enough to try and see if it's going to work? I hope there's an improvement in less than a week, but I want to give myself long enough so I don't give up in the space of 1 night!