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Original poster

Popsy hits stalemate....can someone remind me how to do controlled crying for during the night please......

54 replies

popsycal · 20/10/2006 09:42

Many of you have followed my numerous sleep threads to do with ds2 (now almost 20 months!!!) and his poor sleeping.

In August, my lovely mother in law helped us to crack night time feeding and he hasn't fed in the night since then. He is better in many ways:

  • no night time feeding will sometimes* settle for dh
  • no evenign waking so I have a bit of a ife again
  • less waking in the night generally.

However, a few times a week, he will go from around 7:30 ish until 5am which is brilliant consiering what he used to be like.

The rest of the time, he might wake at 1am ish but will settle fairly quickly. I leave him for a minute to see whether he settles, then I will go in if he hasnt at which point he will lie down and I leave after a minute or so.

But he always wakes sometime between 4 and 5 and that is pretty much it. He is shattered and needs more sleep but he is so obsessed with having a feeding and screams, yells, cries, head butts his cot. You get the idea. Persuading him to go back to sleep in almost impossible. And even if he does go back to sleep, he naps on and off until about 6 at which point we are up for the day.

So I am going to take the plunge.

DS1 is having a few nights away from Sunday with his grand parents and I am off for a week.

Have never done controlled crying and need to finally persuade myself.
Have tried literally everything.

Is there a gentle version? I invisage it only being needed for this 5am waking really......

Sorry it was long

OP posts:
Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 09:44

oh on the plus side, he said his first ever sentence in the night last night.
Unfortunaley he wailed it at the top of his voice and it was 'Maaaaaaaamaaaaaaa more baaabaaa'.
You can guess what baba means....

OP posts:
Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 09:53

no sleepless mummies around?

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Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 12:54

oh well

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Tutter · 20/10/2006 12:55

hi - sorry no words of wisdom but thought i'd bump again

we did cc when ds was 6 months and it worked like a dream

not for everyone tho i know

Bugsy2 · 20/10/2006 13:49

The gentle version is to go in regularly. When I did it with DS, I went in every two mins, said "go to sleep now" in a quiet, calm voice & then left the room. Gradually, as the time dragged by, I left him for 3 mins, 4 mins, 5 mins & eventually up until 10 mins. He was a middle of the night waker, so I was doing this at 1 or 2am & the first night I did it, he took 3 hours to settle back to sleep, 2nd night 40 mins, 3rd night 15 mins & then no more waking!!!!
Not sure how it will work if it takes 3 hours at 5am though.
Good luck

Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 16:40

thats the thing - at theat time in the morning, what point do you stop and say it is the mroning.
surely that will send the wrong signals.....
hmmmmm

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Cappuccino · 20/10/2006 16:43

the Cappuccino House method involved earplugs and whisky

Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 16:44

sounds like an excellent plan

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nutcracker · 20/10/2006 16:45

This is probably a silly question but is his room really dark, even when it's getting light in the morning ??

misdee · 20/10/2006 16:45

i wish i could help. but dd3 is waking up as soon as i go to bed, then plays up from 3-5am, the will sleep a bit till 7am at which point i have to get up for dd1+2 school run.

Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 16:46

it is pitch black
i think that is part of what he hates........

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nutcracker · 20/10/2006 16:46

Mind you it is pitch black at 5 and 6 isn't it.

Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 16:48

it is a habit now......
this 4-5 thing
i have been up since 4am
grrrr

tonight is the night
2minutes first then build it up

i am totally immune to his crying now
lol

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Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 17:54

bump for cc type people.....
anyoen know when, if say he wakes at 4:30, what I do if he doesnt go back to sleep before our normal wake up time which can be anything between 5:45 and 6:45...

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Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 18:06

fj'p

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Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 19:24

anoyne please?
i realy want to start tonight......

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alex8 · 20/10/2006 19:32

I did the penelope leach method which is never to leave them crying for more than 5 mins and never stay with them to settle for more than 5 mins. (there was no building up of crying time at all) It worked for us but that was in the early evening. I hadn't tried it in the early morning. Good luck.

Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 19:36

i don't want to leave him cying for any length of time tbh - at east in part due to ds1 being two rooms away

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Heathcliffscathy · 20/10/2006 19:42

popsycal. you can do this. and will crack it. you know it's going to be hard but it will work.

go in tell him it's night time time for sleeping and then leave.

go back with longer and longer gaps. say the same thing and then leave.

finally tell him you are really tired and are going to sleep now, you'll be next door, but you're not going to come in and it's time to sleep.

will be tough. but i think it'll take 3 nights and once you've cracked it both of your lives will be transformed.

it's horrible when they don't sleep...torture...

Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 19:44

ok - i can do that
it has got to be better than sitting in his room listening to the screams!!!

the bit i need to work out though
when is 'morning'
and what if he wakes at 5 then cries on and off (as he often does) until getting up time
how do i get him up withouth him associating his crying with me getting him up and feeding him...

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Heathcliffscathy · 20/10/2006 20:00

'morning' is 8am. although frankly if he falls asleep at 7 i'd not wake him!!!!

just keep repeating like a mantra: i'm not making him cry. I'm doing this to get us both enough sleep so that we can function properly. i'm not damaging him. he needs sleep and he isn't getting enough.

i really really hope that this works for you popsycal....like i said, sleep deprivation is torture. when you both start sleeping properly you'll look back on this time as a distant nightmare....good luck and keep posting.

Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 20:07

the thing is i acually feel really good sleep wise
i sleep from 10 to 5 ish some days which is pure decadence for me

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Heathcliffscathy · 20/10/2006 20:08

good. then you're strong enough to do this.

but don't do it if you don't really really really absolutely want and need to. you have to be completely commited....they know if you aren't and it's not fair!!!!

good luck good luck good luck....

motherinferior · 20/10/2006 20:09

Oh, Soph, what a fabulous post.

Popsy, darling, I so wish we'd done that with DD2, who used to wake regularly at five in the fecking am. Idiotically, I went with it. I was quite insane with exhaustion; I remember posting a thread on MN which just went 'i'm so tired i'm so tired i'm so tired'.

Good luck.

Original poster
popsycal · 20/10/2006 20:15

i can do this
ds1 was always a reasonable sleeper but before we had ds2, ds1 had a looong phase of waking at 5am which we 'went with'.
its not happening again
6am is ealry enough ...ds1 gets up any time between 6 and 6:45 - although in the last week i have had to wake him at 7 to get sorted for school....

I am keen to sort it this week what with the bloody clocks going back very very soon which will mess it all up again

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