Baby in my bed help!

[Dontforgetyourbrolly]

Over the Xmas period my ds (1) and I had a terrible cold and tonsillitis, and my Dp had a chest infection ! Not a great. Xmas ha ha
Anyway , as ds was very unsettled I would sleep in the spare bed in the nursery so that I wasn't up and down in the night too much. Often just for ease I'd bring him into bed with me to settle him.

Now we are all better, he is waking at 3 or 4 am calling me. I go in there to settle him back down but as soon as I'm back in my own bed he's at it again. I've got into a bad habit of bringing him in with us to get a coupl more hours sleep. My dp says it's got to stop and I agree with him , as he then gets up and goes in the other room as ds fidgets and is noisy . It's like musical beds every night!

How long does it take to break this habit and has anyone been through it?

Ps he is not bf, he's night weaned and has slept through from 8 mo

In the same boat. DS had pneumonia over new years and has now spent a large portion of every night in our bed. If he wakes at night he screams if we try to resettle in his own bed. Last night I let him scream until he did actually fall asleep again in his own bed. It was horrible. :(( but the next couple of times he woke I just hummed from the other side of the room and he grumbled a bit then went back to sleep in his own bed. Fingers crossed he gets the message really soon, and coming into our bed can be saved for special occasions again. :s

So really we've just got to bite the bullet. Hope tonight is easier for you x

But they are so young, of course they want comfort and attention. If you let them scream, you just teach them you aren't there for them. Get what message - however sad you are, mama won't come? Meanwhile, the adults have each other for company.

No Abby not at all. This was more a thread about how we can break the habit, myself included, not different parenting styles. My lo never used to get into bed with us so I just want to get back to the way things were. When there's illness or distress involved that's a different story.
If you want to cosleep that is your choice. It is not right for us . I do appreciate your input and thank you for your reply

Wow Abby. Lovely post there. Back off the op.

Op could you bring him into your bed for a cuddle then return him to his cot when he drops off? Then you get to lay down and kind of rest and he gets the reassurance he seems to be craving. Dd has gone through phases like this and they have passed in their own time. I have just kept cuddling and returning until she stops waking.

Personally I don't think leaving to cry helps as these things can be caused by separation anxiety. I have found that consistent reassurance works better (for us) as they realise that you are there, and they don't need to worry. Gradually dd lessened the night wakings until she was back sleeping through.

Hope you find a solution soon.

Thanks flanj, this was the kind of thing I was hoping for - reassurance it would pass!

Tonight I will try the cuddling then returning to his cot . I'm the problem I think, it's just so tempting to grab him and stay put. I'm gonna make a huge effort.

The pp that let her baby cry I think he's in her room anyway , so I'm sure he had the reassurance there, he could see and hear her .??

I know it's so hard to get back up again, but the more time they are in the cot the better really. Lovely cuddles, then everyone back in their beds!

Just wondering how many months old is he? There is a big sleep regression at 18months but can start any time from 15months ish. It's all to do with the language milestones and separation anxiety.

These things really do pass, often regardless of what you do. I really didn't feel prepared for the ups and downs of dds sleep. I thought once they slept through that was it! (Laughs bitterly at my naivety)

Thanks flanj, he is 12mths. I thought it could have been my fault as wanting him in with me during his bout of tonsilitis , as my mum would say 'making a rod for my own back'!

But looks like it could be something that would have happened anyway, interesting about the language milestone.....he has just started to call out for me. 'Mama' even at 3 am still melts my heart. He knows I'm a big softie lol

I had the same problem with my lo at the same age. I tried everything and it was so hard but the only thing that worked was to leave him to cry and fall asleep on his own. I did the whole go in after 1 min then 5 then 10 and fizzled it out that way so he still knew I would always come back for him just longer intervals Inbetween.

Exactly the same here. Dd is 3 and in our bed most nights since Christmas cough and high temp.
The only thing to do is return to their bed. 3 nights in a row seems to be enough to change the routine. We did this with dd1. Having said that dd3 loves her cuddles and doesn't wriggle around so I don't really have an issue with her waking at 4am and wanting a mummy cuddle. She's little and it won't be long before she doesn't want my constant cuddles so I think it's natural to cuddle her. If i wake in the night upset I reach out and cuddle dh so I cant send dd back to bed.
My opinion has changed in the last few years and I completely understand everyone feels differently and it is a contentious issue. Society dictates children go in their own beds or the parents are failures. If you want your dc in their own bed that's absolutely fine but it's also okay to have them in your bed if you are happy with that.

I also wouldn't recommend taking him into your room at all. Just a cuddle and kiss no talking then leave. If you take them into your room then they expect to stay there. If they fall asleep and then wake in a different room of corse they're going to get upset. Hope something works out for you soon. It is so difficult at times but you will get there in the end

Thank you , you have all been so kind. My other half has ulcerative colitis and is severely anaemic and very tired right now as he's having a flare up so it's just down to me to put this right!

I do enjoy my cuddles with my lovely ds but we all need our rest, him included. I am going to put some of your advice into practice. Btw I love snuggling with him but I am fed up of this bed swapping lol

Op my db has UC, you have my utmost sympathy. Watching my brother go through it has been heartbreaking. He is on a trial drug now that seems to be working but he has recently been so poorly they wanted to remove his bowel. no wonder your dh needs his rest. It must be hard for you though.

We are at the same stage , he's been offered surgery if this trial drug does not work. It's not too bad we have lived with it for 3 years now , I'm used to it. Thank you xx

Hi Brolly. Posted and ran, sorry. My DS is 20 months. We don't officially cosleep, but he does come in with us when he wont settle and we're too tired to sit up with him. If the only way we're going to get some sleep is to bring him in, he comes in. And when he's been sick, he won't settle on his own.

But once in our bed, he isn't really settling either now. He is fairly equally for DH or for me, but some nights only I will do, and when he won't settle he twists and turns and SHOVES and lifts his head and drops it onto my face, and I can't go on night after night like that.

Last night I was in DS1’s bed across the room, he knew I was right there, but he wanted out, he wanted what he wanted, and he was at least in large part, angry about not getting his way. :s Of course I want him to know that we are there for him and he is not abandoned or alone, but our family won't function if he insists on coming into our bed and there he keeps us awake, night after night. I hate the idea of "cry it out" and i have read about the theories about forming attachment, and the emotional pain a child experiences when they don't get any response. But something has to change, and I'm guessing now will be easier than trying to change a pattern when he's even older. :(

Hope you get some sleep tonight.

Hey OP I am not really an advocate of cry it out, I wouldn't like that if I was upset about something. HOWEVER, as a CM I have seen children quickly learn "bad habits" and they are clever things, they know how to make you feel bad!!
I would suggest going into room, but don't talk to your DS, lie them back down, and sit on the floor with your back to him, perhaps pop some lullabies on or gently hum a nursery rhyme. You will only need to do this three/four consecutive nights to see a change.
Good luck!! It will pass

Hi everybody. Ds got the snuffles so didn't start this until he was ok which was last night. It was horrendous! He cried out every two hours - I'd go in and settle him very quickly. However at ten to five this morning I was in and out six times - he was shouting, screaming and throwing things on the floor. I gave up after an hour and we came down stairs . I feel like I caused all this by spoiling him and also being lazy by bringing him into bed with me and now I'm paying for it, I could cry.

We are having the same problem after a cold at Christmas with our 13 months old. We are looking at biting the bullet and doing what 1stbabyquestions said, will have to take a week off to do it but hopefully it will be worth it. We can't keep going like this as I am 14 weeks pregnant and about to start having SPD issues. I am beyond exhausted and can't function on 4-5 hours broken sleep a night!! for everyone in sympathy.

Hi dontforget. Don't worry you are doing your best and it's really hard. Everyone has different sleep patterns including dc, and no one can say that any particular course of action can either help or cause dc to sleep the way they do.

Look at www.isisonline.org.uk for research based information on infant sleep. you may find it reassuring.

I can't offer any advice as we cosleep with our restless sleeper, since we decided to do that we have our sleep back, but see that you prefer to find another solution, so good luck and hope it improves.

Mrs Meeple I totally agree with you, we could have the same ds. I know some people think you sprout a halo as soon as you become a mum but we need to sleep!

Just saying Hi, as we are in this situation also yet dd is nearly 2. I decided last night, after she woke up at 12.30 we got into bed for a cuddle and she went straight to sleep but instantly woke with any movement, that I had had enough! The previous night she had been up twice first time straight to sleep second time spent two hours in out bed not sleeping.

Last night wasn't good at all but she eventually went to sleep after 3 1/2 hours, without coming in our bed. Lots of coffee needed today though!

hello just giving an update.
as a previous poster suggested it took 3 nights

first night - horrendous, woke every 2 hours and up for the day at 5

second night - woke an hour after he's fallen asleep at bed time , crying inconsolably , I went upstairs to settle him, he would lay down and snuggle but would start up again as I headed for the door. the sobs would tug on your heartstrings , however I stood outside and peeped through the door, he cried for about one minute sitting up, looked around and laid back down cuddled his toy and went to sleep ! ( was it all a cunning plan ..? mmm )he woke again about 2 or 3am but settled back when I popped in for reassurance. up for the day at 6.15, I can deal with that

third night - went down at 7pm , not a peep til 6am !

so, a big success ...until the next time ha ha

I hope this helps someone. Thank you all and stay strong ! xx